View from the Bar

Driving CAN be fun!

2008-03-04T13:27:00.011Z

Fresh from my bollocking for using the DVLA logo, here's another of my sporadic posts, only this time, it's not through laziness or having nothing remotely decent to write about.

In fact, I haven't been able to get rid of this massive grin on my face for more than a week now.

You see, driving is not fun any more. Rather than the freedom of the open road and spectacular scenery, driving in the UK is, quite plainly, crap.

Congestion, speed cameras, sleeping policemen, bleeping arcade machines at motorway services, road works, traffic wardens, environmentalists, BMW 3-series drivers, traffic lights, highways officers, pointless lane closures, stupid one-way systems, toll roads, government "think-tanks" and a plethora of quangos all conspire to make travelling from A-B as difficult and as hellish as possible.

But there are a few places where you can actually enjoy driving in the UK, and I happened to find one such place last week.

As a belated birthday present, I took to the track at Silverstone for one of those "driving experiences" that you often see advertised in the Boots Christmas catalogue, only they're usually at some decommissioned airfield, not the home of the British Grand Prix.

I quite fancied taking my own motor around there but unfortunately, my insurance company wouldn't let me unless I gave them a big bag of money, so I had to make do with what those chaps at Silverstone offered me:

That happens to be a Lotus Exige S - the S stands for supercharged which evidently turns a very fast car into a very, very fast car.

Still after I'd done with that, they decided to let me lose in one of these:

That is a Ferrari 360 Modena and is, quite simply, outstanding. If you're the sort of bloke that watches Top Gear, you might think that much of the speed is exaggerated by the cameras / editors but it certainly doesn't feel like it when you're behind the wheel of one of these 'supercars'.

Surprisingly, they were both very easy to drive. The difficulty comes in driving them quickly, which seems a silly thing to say but bear with me.

For most of us, the only time we've sat behind the wheel of a car is on a public road. Your head tells you that if you don't slow down for the upcoming corner then you'll end up in the ditch opposite or that if you vear to the opposite side of the road, you'll be taken out by a articulated truck heading in the opposite direction.

It's that mindset and the theory of racing lines anddriving quickly that's the difficult part and there's a hell of a lot more to it than what your Max Power Saxo-driving boy racers certainly think. It was easy reaching 132mph on the Hangar Straight, it wasn't so easy going around the tight right-hand corner at the end of it at 50mph+.

I must give massive credit to the guys at Silverstone who were fantastic and for anyone even considering something like this, then I would fully recommend it. I'm seriously looking at my next free weekend to sign onto the rally driving course and even that may not be my last one!

Dealing with Idiots

2008-02-18T21:07:00.008Z

Bloomin' heck! It's been a while hasn't it? I'm obviously getting lazy at this blogging lark.

Well actually, that's not quite true. I've been too busy dealing with complete muppets, most of whom tend to be working in some sort of "public service" capacity.

The most recent of which are the DVLA.

Given that I haven't been on here for a while, I best explain that my dealings with the DVLA are bourne from the purchase of a new vehicle. Despite the doom and gloom predictions of the "credit crunch", I was still easily able to find a well-known bank stupid enough to lend me a big bag of money in order to purchase said "wheels", a 1.6t Astra Sport Hatch SRI - and very nice it is too:

Now as anyone familiar with the car buying process will be aware, the dealers are more than happy for you to drive around whilst the DVLA, the body responsible for registering ever car and driver in the UK, are completely oblivious to the fact. Instead, they eventually get round to posting the logbook to some industrial park in Swansea where it spends the next three months in somebody's "pending" tray.

Apparently, some disgruntled motorist tried sending a letter bomb to the DVLA although quite how they found out I've no idea. By the time any envelope managed to work its way through their "high speed processing system", any traces of dynamite, TNT or anthrax would have long-since died off. They probably even set the same envelope back to the bomber, given that he probably used the wrong colour pen or something.

Eventually, you get a copy of the logbook, indicating that the DVLA recognise you as the new owner and that any speeding / parking tickets will have your name on them, even, as in my case, your name is misspelled.

OK, so the misspelling may have been the dealers fault and to be quite honest, they are currently on my feckwit list given that they lost the spare key, but that's not the point.

Having sent the logbook back to be corrected, it arrived this morning - again misspelled - with the same misspelling.

Quite why the processing minion at the DVLA thought that sent the document back in the first place I've no idea, they didn't explain but that's probably because they are completely useless.

I thought I escaped all of this shit when I packed in customer service.....

I'm already bored of 2008

2008-01-17T20:32:00.000Z

We're now just 17 days into 2008 and I'm already bored of the following phrases:

Carbon footprint
CO2 emissions
Flood warning
Energy prices
Facebook
Data Protection
Credit crunch

I'm sure I'll think of more later.

No so bright now eh?

2008-01-09T19:33:00.000Z

The smoking ban has been in for a while now and what a fantastic piece of legislation it has proved to be.

Pubs are smoke free, the air is healthier, my clothes don't stink and drinking establishments are, generally, much more pleasant places to spend time. It also seems that, contrary to what the pro-smoking alliance kept telling us, the pub industry isn't dying - apart from those that were probably on the Grim Reaper's list long before July 1st 2007.

But the smokers still aren't happy. After all, why shouldn't they be allowed to expel hazardous fumes upon people who would rather not breathe them in? Why should they have to go outside in the open air in order to take their pathetic dose of precious, precious nicotine?

Well one Yorkshire publican seemed to disagree with the latest legislation, openly allowing his clientèle to smoke within the four walls of his premises, a fact he admitted live on the BBC Yorkshire regional news.

His argument is that people have a human right to smoke inside a public house.

If said landlord genuinely believes that the "right" to smoke is included in human rights legislation, perhaps he should consider actually reading up on the contents of the European Constitution on Human Rights. Whilst he's at it, he can download a map to the nearest Magistrates.

On Strike

2008-01-04T22:30:00.000Z

Today I became yet another victim of French engineering and the tendency for all things from the across the channel, be they internal combustion engines or air traffic controllers, to go on strike without warning.

The gearbox on my faithful Citroen Saxo seems to feel under-valued and unloved and is refusing to work until I throw a considerable amount of money at it and even then, it may not return to action.

Which is bad news on several counts.

It means that my "new car fund" won't be seeing any growth this month and it means that my already-poorly Mastercard isn't going to get much rest either.

But it gets worse than that. It also means (and I can barely bring myself to contemplate it), I'll be having to use public transport for a few days at least!

I know these problems can happen with any vehicle, but I'm annoyed and nobody is going to stop me angrily waving my fist in the direction of the English channel.

Right on Time

2008-01-02T19:24:00.000Z

There was something of an inevitability about it, but in true railway fashion, the timing of extended rail disruption to the West Coast mainline could not have been worse.

Essential maintenance to a footbridge which crosses the primary line connecting London with Birmingham and Manchester over-ran, meaning that rail passengers were met with chaotic scenes at stations across the London and the South East with cancelled services and lengthy delays - and the same is on the menu for tomorrow.

And the news couldn't have come at a worse time for our alleged "eco-conscious" leaders, as rail operators announced fare rises of up to 11% on certain routes on the day that Britain 'went back to work' after the festive holidays.

The rises, which will understandably grate with commuters, environmentalists and anyone looking to jump on the Labour-bashing bandwagon - one that is already as overcrowded as a Northern Rail commuter train.

However the Rail operators, who experienced a 15% increase on complaints this year according to one passenger watchdog, claim that the rises are "essential" as they are needed for "essential" investment that will provide "essential" service improvements on "essential" services. If you learn anything as a rail operators spokesperson, it's that using the word "essential" enough times will make your price rises seem OK. What you also learn is that it is perfectly fine to re-issue the same press release that you released 12 months ago.

One of the biggest culprits happens to be First Great Western, despite having the dubious honour of being the worst train operator in the UK according to official statistics. With an appalling record for customer service, including threatening to sue a passenger watchdog for complaints made about it's services and being subject to a 'fare strike' by passengers (with another one threatened), their bosses tried to justify their average 6.1% rise on unregulated fares.

First Transpennine Express, who run the main route between Leeds and Manchester, is even worse with a 6.4% hike and the main operator in and out of Leeds, Northern, has upped their fares by an average 5.7%. Despite this "essential" rise to facilitate "essential" service and capacity improvements, the capacity on the Manchester-Bradford-Leeds route was halved again this morning and afternoon.

The rises don't exactly 'fit' with the government's constant insistence that we need to start leaving our cars at home, start using the railways and save the environment because in truth, the environment is just an easy excuse to mask additional forms of taxation.

Today we have a government that is happy for rail operators to increase fares and is preparing to bulldoze an entire village to facilitate an expansion of Heathrow yet come budget day, Alistair Darling will stand at the podium and attempt justify a further rise in fuel duty by trotting out tired lines about "CO2 targets" and "environmental concerns" amongst the other garbage that spews from his mouth.

Happy New Year everybody!

T'was the night before Christmas...

2007-12-24T16:05:00.001Z

... and there was feck all on the telly.

Christmas TV always manages to scrape the barrel of the television archives and this year is no exception.

Aside from some big-name film that can now be found in the £3.99 bin at Blockbuster, Christmas TV, especially Christmas Eve television, tends to involve repeat after repeat after repeat of Blackadder, however many versions of A Christmas Carol that currently exist and The Santa Clause.

This year, a thumb through the TV guide reveals nothing, absolutely nothing worth watching.

Aside from the 'Christmas Eve specials' of various soaps designed at the 'OK Magazine' reading share of the audience, the film offering consists of either 'Pirates of the Caribbean; Curse of the Black Pearl' on BBC One or back-to-back showings of the chav favourite 'The Fast and the Furious' and '2 Fast 2 Furious' on ITV2. I've no idea what ITV1 are showing as they try to expand their audience of complete morons.

BBC Three has 'Football Gaffes Galore' - probably the same DVD that you'll be getting for Christmas tomorrow followed by wall-to-wall Little Britain.

The only saving grace is a 'Father Ted' marathon on More4.

So Christmas Day.... what have we got? Shrek 2 and Finding Nemo? That might work. ITV1 are showing some crap from X Factor and I've not idea what the other channels are showing.

Oh, and there's the Christmas speech - whoop-de-fecking-doo.

Is it any wonder why we're so good at binge drinking? Drinking dangerous amounts of alcohol is far more preferable to a night in front of the box.

That depends who you are asking

2007-12-24T11:25:00.000Z

It's that time of year once again. Time for the car insurance renewal.

Unfortunately, as a sub-23-year old single male, I'm public enemy number one in the eyes of the motor insurance industry as so finding an insurer that will actually honour their advertising claims of "cheap" car insurance is a nigh-on futile task, even with four years without claiming.

But nevertheless, the law requires me to pay for a piece of paper which only has any value in a moment of crass stupidity on my part.

As you can imagine, I'm subject to all the "young driver excesses" that any insurance company feels free to make up on the spot which makes claiming anything a completely pointless exercise. If I do claim, I have to pay the bulk of the costs out of my own pocket anyway and I'll be forced to pay for the rest next year by way of an increased premium. It's a sort of legalised blackmail that works very well in the insurance industry.

But anyway, the renewal note came through with a revised premium of around £381, which wasn't all that bad and around £80 less than last year.

Now in the past as this point, you would go to your local broker and accept any randomly generated number as "his best possible price that he could do if you bought today" or spend a whole afternoon phoning every listing in the Yellow Pages for numbers even more random that you'd be better off asking your newsagent for a 'Luck Dip'.

But the Internet is now here and thanks to other random number generators like Confused and Money Supermarket, I can do it all in one go and, if I'm lucky, pay a hidden middle-man affiliate fee that nobody cares to mention.

A search on both sides revealed a "best price" that was about the same as the renewal but did miss off a few insurers who don't want to be associated with these comparison sites, so I tried those.

One site offered me a "special online price with 10% online discount" of £568, so they were quickly discarded. Another site, who promised to "beat your renewal quote if you have 4 years NCB, even if you aren't very posh" didn't beat my renewal quote. Instead, the tried to triple it.

Resigned to defeat, I tried an online quote with my current insurer and sure enough, I was quoted the "brand new customers only" price of £331. Knowing that I'd have to change the occupation listed on my current documents anyway, I phoned said insurer.

Now I would think that changing my occupation from "care-free, careless student" to "upstanding professional" would have seen a welcome drop, not a £16 increase and so before I knew it, I was passed onto the "Internet quote team" to get the "brand new customers only, but also existing customers if you ask nicely" price.

The annoying thing though, is that for all these various names in the motor insurance industry, they are, on the whole, the same company. Three insurers I obtained quotes from (including the one I went with), were all the same insurer once you get past the marketing yet offered three prices ranging from £331 to nigh-on £1000. For others, the difference was even greater and those that claim to "specialise in younger drivers" were amongst the worst of the bunch.

Never mind eh, there's always next year.

Things that you notice in a major city centre

2007-12-16T16:28:00.000Z

On Saturday afternoon, I had the misfortune to venture into Leeds city centre, not realising that said day also happened to be the major shopping day before Christmas.

But still, major shopping days happen to provide a source of mild amusement when you actually take a minute to look around. Here are a few that I spotted.

People naturally join a queue, despite not knowing what the queue is for.
Police truancy patrols are a very good idea, but I would question their effectiveness on a Saturday afternoon.
Every single motorist wants to park in 'The Light' car park.
In the German Christmas market, most shoppers will adopt one of two strategies.
1. Talking to the stall owner in your best GCSE German.
2. Talking in the "S-L-O-W-E-R AND L-O-U-D-E-R" method that Brits do so well when abroad.
They do this despite the fact that the stall keeper is a Chinese boy with a distinctly unnerving Yorkshire accent.
People don't seem to understand that shops at Christmas are often busy places and continue to proclaim that "this is stupid this is" at single one of the 32 Christmas temps drafted in just for that particular weekend.

I'm sure I'll think of more later

You want to buy something? You'll have to pay extra for that

2007-12-06T21:42:00.000Z

Back when I used to write on this thing a bit more regularly, I mention my displeasure at a number of life's "cons" and one in particular, booking fees.

These 'booking fees' might also be disguised as a 'credit card fee' by internet retailers who don't want to have that stigma of the booking fee.

The credit card fee is very common with low-cost airlines, as is any other fee that you might think of to be honest as they shave penny after penny from the cost of their seats, only to recoup that discount elsewhere. But who cares, you've bought a flight for 5p, right?

The idea of paying these fees is still a concept that people are getting used to. In the past, when there was still a mystique about flying, you never paid these fees for booking the flight, taking a bag with you, checking in, sitting in the airport lounge and choosing your seat. Well, you did pay them, but the airline never told you.

Then Ryanair came along and turned the industry on it's head. With this new brand of airlines, you got absolutely nothing bar a seat on a plane but in return, you paid next to nothing.

Such things are important to a Yorkshireman, which is why an airline with similar ideals, Jet2, moved in to Leeds Bradford airport with their stupidly cheap flights and it is something that we will be taking advantage of this summer.

With Leeds Rhinos playing the Perpignan-based Catalan Dragons in July rather than February, we've opted to head out for a weekend of rugby-based-cultured-beer'y fun. But instead of spending time just in the Catalan part of France, we'll also be taking in the Catalan capital of Barcelona before flying back into Leeds mid-week.

As with most things in our circle of friends, I'm charged with booking these sorts of things. One of them is just useless and is justifiably not trusted with anything more taxing than booking a minicab to the pub. The other is a lazy, forgetful sod who almost certainly jump in the taxi to go to the airport and ask "What was I supposed to book again?" and the other, whilst not being quite as bad, would rather I did it.

So I'm left to scour the net for discount hotels and flights with a primary criteria - cheap as possible, which is where the credit card fees come in.

Booking the outbound flight was easy. Manchester to Perpignan, £5.99 plus tax with bmiBaby, coming to about £36 each with a few options on the 'credit card fee' front. I could pay £2.99 with Maestro or £5.99 with Mastercard - I picked the cheaper one.

But then we came across Jet2, who seemingly wanted to overcomplicated the process from the very first click.

Firstly, they insisted in giving prices in Euros on the basis that I was booking a one-way flight from Barcelona and thus, I must be Spanish, right?

So anyway, the calculator comes out and I'm quoted around £42 per seat including all the multiple taxes and I accept, only to be presented with an even more complicated 'credit card fee' menu.

Like Bmi, thee were different charges for different cards but these were more peculiar. Mastercard and Visa credit cards were the most expensive, €3 a pop whilst Visa Electron, a card that banks give to 16-year-olds that they don't trust, happened to be much cheaper than a bog-standard Visa debit card despite the fact that they will almost certainly go through the same merchant system and an Electron has many more security procedures surrounding it.

At this point, questions start popping in my head but never mind, I soldier on - I am going on holiday after all but it is only then that you realise that the 'credit card fee' is not a one-off payment processing fee to cover the handling charge but instead a full-on €3 per person surcharge.

Like a mug, I paid it but who cares, I'm going on holiday ;)

Abnormal service will be resumed

2007-11-30T22:43:00.000Z

I noticed yesterday that it's been a while since I've been here. I've no idea why. Perhaps I need to be a bit more interesting?

Last Friday we had a family trip down to the Leeds Grand Theatre to see Blood Brothers and had an extremely enjoyable night.

I was the only one of the four to have never seen Willy Russell's musical. My parents had seen it before and my younger brother was taken to the show on a school trip to London but for me, it was a completely new experience.

The performance itself was excellent with a cast including Z-listers such as Anthony Costa, once of Blue fame.

Apart from that...erm.... lets see.....

The pilot light on the central heating won't stay on........ erm........ I managed to find somewhere that sells ping-pong balls...... and erm......... I've book the annual trip to France (with a stop-off in Barcelona) to see the Leeds Rhinos play the Catalan Dragons in Perpignan - but that escapade will be covered another day.

It's official.....

2007-11-29T21:35:00.001Z

The dark overlords have spoken, its the end of November and Christmas is now officially here.

Those Coca-Cola adverts, the official start of Christmas, are now playing ad finitum on television and commercial radio.

For the next five weeks, it will be nothing but illuminated trucks, constant renditions of "holidays are coming...holidays are coming....." and even longer dentist waiting times as thousands of children sit in the chair with rotted teeth from drinking excessive brown fizzy water.

But I'm not going to let it get me down this time. It's the first Christmas in six years where I aren't working in retail and I've even got the unusual experience of being able to book holiday in December.

This year is going to be better, I just need to avoid ITV, which is no bad thing in itself....

How hard is it to buy a ping-pong ball?

2007-11-16T19:47:00.000Z

Seriously, how hard can it be to find a very simple, very common piece of sporting equipment in one of biggest cities in the UK and one that prides itself on a thriving retail industry?

In the office we are fortunate enough to enjoy the use of a ping-pong table.

I know at this point many of you will be reading with disgust. "A ping-pong table at work? You want to get 'yer hands dirty in a a real job and do a proper day's work" I hear you cry, and you'd be right but right now, I'm enjoying my job of manipulating Google search results and enjoying the title of the world's worst semi-professional ping-pong player.

The latter point was further demonstrated this afternoon when the sixth and last remaining ping-pong ball from this latest pack was sent flying down Wellington Street after being smashed out of an open sixth-floor window and, as far as I am aware, is still rolling along the gutter towards Kirkstall.

So because of that indiscretion, I was sent in search of a fresh batch of balls or I would incur the wrath of fellow players....I mean workers.

Now in the UK, you have a problem because if you want a piece of sports equipment, you can't go to a sports shop - at least not a city centre high-street sports shop.

For instance, you wouldn't go into a sports shop and ask for a snooker cue because
a) The 14-year-old staff member wouldn't know what a snooker cue is, and
b) a snooker cue isn't the latest chav-brand hoodie that UK sports shops specialise in.

In fact, one particular sports chain specialise in the cheap crappy chav-orientated merchandise more than others that it won national recognition over the success of it's audience targeted product range. (In fact, I've mentioned this before)

It also earned the distinction of being named the worst of the 50 biggest UK high-street retailers in the UK by consumer magazine Which? Needless to say, they couldn't provide me with a simple piece of equipment.

There's also another option in Leeds. The chav-wear emporium on the Headrow which has been "closing down tomorrow and everything must go - right now" for the past four years. This, if anything, was an even more hellish experience and if I happened to be a government employee investigation Disability Discrimination Act compliance, I'd take great pleasure in closing down said establishment.

They also, were unable to perform the function that the sign above their door claims to serve.

So, the sports shops couldn't provide me with a simple piece of spots equipment. Thankfully, a catalogue shop that doesn't specialise in sports equipment could.

It's no wonder that internet shopping has boomed.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank.....

2007-11-14T21:58:00.000Z

You may have noticed my profile box on the left hand side, the one with the really good-looking photo in it and you may also have noticed the line "award-winning film maker".

The film in question happens to be one I made back in 2005 as part of an AVCE Media Studies module which required students to produce a short film or video production.

Now before the Daily Mail reading contingent points it out, I know already. Media is one of those 'doss' subjects that is devaluing A-Levels and instead of messing around with a television camera, I should have been doing more worthwhile subjects like physics, maths and Latin or something like that but that's not the point.

Said film was a spoof-documentary about a group of young filmmakers, like us and how, long story short, it all goes belly up. If you've got the time, you can even watch it on the BBC website although be warned, the producer sent the wrong copy to the Beeb - one without a section of voice over - idiot.

Anyway, the right copy was thankfully sent to the a panel of judges First Light National Film Awards which included Stephen Fry and Sir Ian McKellen who were that impressed that they decided to award it the Best Comedy Award for 2005. Impressive eh? The only downside is that I couldn't make it down to the fancy London shin-dig.

So anyway, that led onto my Journalism course (yes I know...doss subject....dumbing down education...blah blah blah) at University (well, actually, Leeds Trinity & All Saints College but it does say University of Leeds on my degree) which, aside from actual journalism, involved a considerable amount of media and film work.

And so again, we went film-making, I got my degree and left it at that.

Six months after leaving and six months into job that has nothing to do with films, I stumble in to what is inevitably a pile of bills on the doormat as well as various Christmas gifts (yes I know, shame on me).

To my surprise, one wasn't a bill at all. In fact, it was a letter from the college informing me that one of my films has won the "Michael McNally Prize".

Now I have no idea who Michael McNally is or what his prize is, but I will happily accept his £100 cheque and the chance to call myself a two-time award winning filmmaker!

The road to ruin

2007-11-13T19:10:00.000Z

Several months ago, some bright spark decided that he wanted to buy a football club. The only downside to his clever scheme was that he didn't quite have the cash needed to get started, so he called in some help.

Pretty quickly, MyFootballClub.co.uk was born. All that was needed was for 50,000 people to stump-up £35 for a controlling interest in a then unnamed football club. The only clue was a set of criteria for which the eventual club would meet.

A vote ran between members to pick their preferred take-over target, with Leeds United the number one choice. Unfortunately, they failed one of the key criteria which was to have "no or manageable debt", even if most of it is located in an unknown tax-haven on the British Virgin Isles.

Today, after attracting the required number, the website confirmed an agreement to purchase Blue Square Premier side Ebbsfleet United, with the site members now taking a 51% stake in the club, subject to the finer points being sorted out.

In essence, a supporters membership scheme is a good idea. It works in various sports at various levels across Europe. My local amateur rugby league team Bramley Buffaloes has one, so does FC Barcelona. They can be a very good way of running a football club.

But this scheme, unfortunately, is doomed to disaster.

Unlike your typical membership scheme, where supporters / members get to vote on internal issues, this scheme is asking for something a bit more.

They are wanting a say in team selection, transfer dealings, team tactics - virtually everything you can think of.

I can see it now - scores of fans squabbling over what formation to play in their Tuesday night match at Aldershot or which 35-year-old+ League Two player to sign in the transfer window. It truly is a case of the lunatics taking over the asylum and at this level of football, where the knowledge will be minimal at best, it's practically suicidal.

I've worked in a professional sports club. (I have to keep that quiet, for I'm a supporter of their main rivals!) and one of the first thing you learn is that as a supporter, you know nothing about how sports clubs actually run. Most supporters only see what happens on that big green thing every Saturday afternoon and nothing more. Fans always think they know what to do, very rarely is that the case and Australian rugby league coach Wayne Bennett summed it up: "If you start listening to the fans, it's not long before you're sitting with them".

You could argue that Bradford City are finding that out the hard way. After being relegated last year, the club chairman was looking to bring the 'feel-good factor' back to Valley Parade.

Along with cut-price season tickets, the chairman appointed the fans choice as the new manager and former players Stuart McCall and Wayne Jacobs were installed as the new management team. Today, one of the pre-season favourites sit in 19th in League Two, with just four wins from 15.

My suspicions are that most of the people who have actually signed up to this scheme don't realise what actually goes on away from the playing field, thinking instead that running a football club is just a big version of a Football Manager PC game. The situation that you have now is that instead of having a fully qualified and experienced football coach making the on-field decisions, you've now got a bunch of strangers who's only achievement between them is that they managed to win the Premier League with Mansfield Town on their PC and that one of them came top of the Fantasy Football League last April in the Sun newspaper.

I do feel sorry for Ebbsfleet. I saw them when they arrived (25 minutes late) to claim a 1-1 draw at Farsley Celtic in the BlueSQ Premier this season and whilst they were no superstars by any stretch, they were a decent side.

I hope this comes off for them and there's no doubt that the publicity will but the club in the spotlight. There is also of course, the argument that such a scheme is taking the game away from the money men and back to the fans, which is a valid one. There is however, a very good reason why 'fans' tend not to be the money men behind a football club and as sad as it may be, I can only see this ending in tears.

The biggest mistake of my life

2007-11-12T22:06:00.000Z

I've made a dreadful mistake today, for I have left my iPod at the office.

On it's own, that wouldn't sound like much of a problem. Surely the worst that happens is that instead of listening to my music of choice on the train to work tomorrow morning, I'll just have to listen to the excuses of Northern Rail as to why my train is delayed again, but nobody has been hurt, nobody has died, it's just an insignificant error that nobody will care about.

Oh no, for the contents of said iPod are cause for concern.

I can sleep safe in the knowledge that my bright red iPod (like the one in the picture) would have been like the forbidden fruit to my work colleagues as it sat there on top of my paper stacker and those who had stopped after 5:30 will have definitely been thumbing through the, shall we say, "eclectic" library. You know the big red button that they always tell you not to push yet proves too irresistible? Well this was the big red iPod equivalent.

I don't have a "bad" taste in music, quite a good one in fact but I do have an uncanny knack of going to crappy, cheesy nightclubs, coming home with hangover already brewing and kebab / curry in hand and heading straight to iTunes to download whatever tracks are still ringing in my ears. My local pub also has 'golden oldies' on Sunday, so it's a bit of a double whammy really.

I won't go through what's on it (I'm pretty sure my colleagues have already uploaded my library to as many social bookmarking sites as possible) but me thinks that I'll have some serious explaining to do tomorrow morning.

Bonfire Night

2007-11-05T20:44:00.000Z

You can probably tell from the constant banging in the air, a distinct smell and the fact that your dog is cowering in the corner, but tonight is Bonfire Night.

It's not a day that particularly appeals to yours truly. I personally don't see the excitement in spending money on cheaply made, expensively sold boxes of fireworks and burning effigies of Catholics, but each to their own.

I especially don't get excited by doing those things when, if I felt it, I could walk around the corner to find that Leeds City Council have gone to the time and expense on my behalf, but that's not the point.

My younger brother wanted to invite his girlfriend round, and what better excuse than to light explosives in the back-yard? It was something to do and as long as it didn't cost me anything, I wasn't bothered.

So anyway, tonight comes and we've got food, beer and fireworks ready to be enjoyed in their respective ways.

In order to feel important, I assigned myself the job of setting things on fire in the garden. I did this because:
a) It gave me something to do other than get cold and
b) There was no way that I would allow my brother to have any responsibility over over-the-counter explosives.

So anyway, we spend a good hour or so working our way through the respective boxes, ooooh-ing and ahhhhhh-ing at the various patterns of chemical reactions and retreated inside for beer.

So now, I'm typing this wondering what to do next. It's currently half-time in a turgid game between Manchester City and Sunderland on Sultana TV so I may decide to re-watch last night's brilliant Top Gear.

I watched it last night after taping said episode due to my attendance at the Farsley Celtic vs York City clash last night, also televised on Sultana Sports - and I even managed to spot myself in the crowd. Not a disastrous performance from Farsley, who were caught out by a better team whilst chasing an equalliser and despite the harsh 4-1 defeat, there's bigger games to come - not least the relegation six-pointer at home to Altrincham.

The Secret Diary of Lewis Hamilton, aged 22 & three-quarters

2007-10-30T20:20:00.000Z

When I was little, I used to drive go-karts but then a man called Ron came up to me and asked me if I could drive his car for him.

At first, he would only let me drive little cars, but then one day, he let me drive a really fast Mercedes car. I really enjoyed racing the big car, even if I had to work with a really nasty Spaniard who didn't like me very much and I even won a few races.

In the end, I finished second because the car broke down and then I went to live in Switzerland so that the nasty tax man can't take any of my money.

Now of course, all of that probably isn't an extract from the Lewis Hamilton: My Story - available from all good book stores and some rubbish ones as well.

Neither is it a slant at a young, British driver who has got people talking once again about a sport that had a dwindling following before he arrived on the scene.

But the point, as you might have gathered, is more a question as to how someone of 22 years of age, with just one full-season of top-class sport behind him, can possibly write a full, worthwhile autobiography?

Unfortunately, he's not alone when it comes to pointless autobiographies and with 2006 being a World Cup year, last Christmas was full of them.

Frank Lampard, Wayne Rooney, Ashley Cole, Rio Ferdinand, Steven Gerrard and Joe Cole - all players who achieved the net sum of "zero" during the 2006 tournament in Germany despite a hefty match fee were all lured by another big cheque to cram pad out their entire life story into a few hundred pages. Then Manchester City loud-mouth Joey Barton summed up my feelings perfectly:

“England did nothing in the World Cup so why were they bringing books out?” Barton asked. “ ‘We got beat in the quarter-finals. I played like s***. Here’s my book’.”

Sports autobiographies can be excellent. Lance Armstrong's series of books but, most notably, 'It's not about the Bike' is superb. Tawera Nikau, a former Castleford, Warrington and New Zealand international rugby league player who had to content with the tragic death of his wife and the loss of his right leg, wrote the eye-opening 'Standing Tall' and the likes of Tony Adams, Paul McGrath and Paul Gascoigne have all put together good books which, unfortunately, get lost in a sea of shite on the shelves of Waterstones.

Another quick search on Amazon brings up such delights as 'Russell Brand: My Booky Wooky', 'Jodie Marsh: Keeping it Real', 'Being Jordan' and 'My Autobiography' by Big Brother ignorant Jade Goody.

Honestly? Who buys this garbage?

The Haka

2007-10-26T21:34:00.000Z

It's one of the iconic sights in international sport, calling on a nations aboriginal heritage and declaring war on the opposition, albeit in a sporting context.

It's most notably performed by the New Zealand rugby sides and on Saturday, New Zealand's rugby league side kick-off a three-match test series against Great Britain in Hudderfield.

I'll confess that I haven't actually seen the "Kiwi's" peform the Haka in person. I've seen the Fijian's perform their versionm 'The Cibi', at the 2000 World Cup and I've seen a spectacular rendition of both the Samoan and Tongan Hakas, performed simultaneously, towards each other, only last year in a World Cup qualifier in Leeds.

But's I've not yet seen the New Zealand version, instead, having to make do with the television:

A lot of opponents have foolishly tried to challenge the Haka, in both codes, non more so than Australian forward Willie Mason, who's probably still suffering the after affects from the 2006 Tri-Nations. It's not big, it's not clever, and more often that not, you end up paying for it.

Tomorrow, I'll be attending the first Gillette Fusion test at the Galpharm Stadium, hoping for a British win of course.

What can Sheffield Wednesday teach us?

2007-10-23T20:03:00.000Z

[obligatory joke answer] How not to play football! [/obligatory joke answer]

Sheffield Wednesday, a Championship football club in South Yorkshire are probably making a lot of bloggers and forum users think at the minute.

Sheffield Wednesday currently lie 22nd in the Coca-Cola Championship and, as I type this, are trailing 2-1 at home to newly promoted Scunthorpe United. They are reportedly in financial trouble and their supporters, understandably, are frustrated with goings on at the club.

It's the sort of scenario that most sports supporters will probably be familiar with.

In the past, these sorts of issues would be discussed over a pint in the local pub, around the water cooler in the office or in the factory canteen. You could shout, swear and put the world to rights as much as you wanted with no fear of the consequences.

Today, we've got a new medium - the world wide web.

If you can think of a special interest, no matter how mainstream, how commercial or how bizarre, there's probably a website, blog and forum on it and in this case, you don't have to look hard to find a football forum.

That's where Sheffield Wednesday come into it.

After being unimpressed with the running of the club this summer, a number of supporters, like fans of any club would, vented their frustration on the fans forum Owlstalk.

The board at Hillsborough however, didn't take too kindly to the comments and filed a defamation lawsuit against 34 of its own supporters. That number has since reduced to the point where the High Court has ordered the owner of the site to hand over details of three users of the site.

It made me question my own position, both as a blogger and as an internet forum user.
I've looked at some of the posts that have been mentioned in the court documents and, to be honest, you soon realise how careful you could have to be.

I won't post examples in here, but you can read them for yourself here.

Upon reading those comments, it's nothing that I haven't already read on plenty of internet message boards in the past. I've also posted my fair share of uncomplimentary things on here about certain firms / people in the past with minimal thought and I'm sure most other blog posters have as well.

Whilst it's no excuse for a publication (and a web forum or blog is a publication) to defame individuals, I'd like to think that most football clubs would be "PR savvy" enough to realise that taking legal action against users of a fan site is something of an "own goal". It also opens up the whole "freedom of speech" argument. We aren't going to see a "Google.cn" style of censorship, but are we going to be in a position where people are wary of sharing opinions and ideas?

Whatever happens in this case over the coming months, the stance taken by a lot of football forums in the future could be extremely interesting.

Try or no Try?

2007-10-20T21:16:00.001Z

I'm a rugby league fan. I'm used to seeing video referee decisions that, to say the least, raise more questions than they answer.

I could go on and on about how I've seen video referee decisions that have caused outcry in the game. I remember seeing a decision go against Bradford Bulls which effectively cost them the Grand Final in 1999, I've seen my own team Leeds have plenty of decisions go against us and for us since the idea of video replays was first introduced to the sport in 1995.

Obviously, such instances are not unique to rugby league, as was proved less than a hour ago in the Rugby Union World Cup final.

England, trailing 9-3 early in the second half, make a rare clean break for the South African line, which ends in this very scene just seconds later:

A video referee is called in to adjudicate on the decision. Did Mark Cueto leave the field of play before he grounded the ball? The people watching my TV set as the action was replayed from various angles couldn't agree and, from that second picture at least, the fourth official was being asked to decide whether a certain blade of grass was painted white or not, such was the margin.

After plenty of deliberation, the try was ruled out. In the end, it would have made little difference as the Springboks came out 15-6 winners in Paris to clinch their second World Cup.

In the end, you'd have to say that it was a fair result and concede that the "right" team won the tournament. England have been poor in the years leading up to the tournament, they were poor when they first arrived in France and, long story short, they aren't the best team in the world. South Africa on the other hand, are unbeaten in the tournament, thrashed England 36-0 in the group stages and knew how to play England's game tonight.

Lewis Hamilton could cheer the nation up tomorrow, as at the age of 22, he looks to become the first ever F1 driver to be crowned World Champion in his debut season.

Crap TV adverts

2007-10-16T19:58:00.000Z

One advert is irritating me lately and really hope that I'm not the only one that cringes every time I see it.

It's the Bridgestone tyres advert, and I just don't get what it's trying to tell me.

Problem number one: The music bed is completely to cock. It starts with an operatic attempt at "World in Union" which, whilst not my first choice for a tyre commercial, isn't completely unacceptable, but the "sting" at the end is. It's completely out of sync and is the sort of thing that would fail a GCSE media studies project, let alone a multi-million pound marketing campaign.

Then, the images. Why would I deliberately drive over a wooden plank with 12 inch nails protruding upwards? Why would I be interested in F1 slicks that aren't road legal? Why would the fact that Bridgestone tyres are used on a Boeing 747 encourage me to put them on my Citroen Saxo? You really haven't identified your demographic have you?

I'd love to meet the marketing exec who signed it off.

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find the offending article online, but I have managed to find another Bridgestone commercial from years gone by, but one that probably didn't make our airwaves.

The ad still seems to be more one for a certain car manufacturers brake discs, but it's better than what they are currently inflicting upon us.

A great sporting weekend

2007-10-14T18:34:00.000Z

What a fantastic sporting weekend we have just witnessed.....

Now upon seeing that sentence, you'll probably be expecting this blog post to claim how fantastic it was that England's footballers beat a team of Estonian bricklayers and minicab drivers whilst the nation's over aged public-schoolboy squad somehow squirmed their way into the Rugby Union World Cup final against a side that, for much of their history, were merely a Nazi-sponsored band of looters and thieves. (Mike Rylance's book 'The Forbidden Game' will tell you more).

But no. For me, the event of the weekend was the engage Super League Grand Final in which my team Leeds battered the defending champions St Helens by 33-6 to win the domestic rugby league championship.

Before the game it was impossible to split the sides. In the past three meetings, Leeds had won two, St Helens the other. In the league, one competition point split first-placed St Helens from the Rhinos and in the play-off game at Knowsley Road, a dubiously awarded penalty goal was all that split the pair. What we saw was a second-half blitz from Leeds which blew away the current World Club Champions.

It was a fantastic day out in Manchester and, unusually for a Leeds side, a stunning final performance in front of 71,000 people at Old Trafford.

It wasn't just the victory, or the manner of the victory against a side that has really set the benchmark in recent seasons, but there were plenty of other subplots behind yesterday's game.

In the early hours of Saturday, just a matter of hours before the sides were due to take the field, former Leeds scrum-half Jeff Stevenson passed away at the age of 75. During the presentation, Leeds captain Kevin Sinfield paid tribute to the Leeds legend in his post-match acceptance speech.

If their was any other motivation needed for the side, another Leeds legend and perennial gobshite Garry Schofield was busy making himself look an idiot one again and proclaiming how Leeds would get stuffed. As great a player Schofield was for both Leeds and Great Britain, he's a nothing pundit. Anyone inside the game knows that, the fans know that and the press know that - it's just that he can always be relied upon to make a stupid headline grabbing comment at the expense of his own dignity - as was the case this weekend and many weekend's before it.

It was also the final game in charge of Leeds for coach Tony Smith - and what a final game. After joining the club in 2004, Smith has guided Leeds to three Grand Finals in four years, winning two of them and in his debut season, brought Leeds their first title for 32 years. Smith will now take the job of national team coach.

So all in all, a fantastic sporting weekend only dampened by Farsley Celtic's unlucky 1-0 loss to Oxford United.

Getting the message across?

2007-10-10T19:27:00.000Z

The BBC are in a bit of bother again this week, except this time they aren't pulling a premium-rate phone scam or getting 9-year-olds to fake a competition win.

As part of a HIV awareness drive, the Beeb have introduced an educational video which has been attacked by "parent groups" (no me neither). It's probably worth mentioning that the Metro happens to have some link with worst rag in the UK, the Daily Mail, a publication that is hardly supportive of the BBC it has to be said.

Judge for yourself:

Now I don't care what anybody says - that's funny. OK, so the overall message might get lost in translation, but it's definitely got people talking and no doubt the hits for that online video will be skyrocketing.

Mission accomplished surely?

Football Fortunes

2007-10-09T18:25:00.000Z

After a summer of turmoil, Leeds United are appearing in a live televised game for the first time this season.

OK, so it's the Johnstone's Paint Trophy, the butt of all professional football jokes since it's inception in 1983, but they face Darlington tonight on the road to Wembley. It was almost inevitable that the match presenter opened the programme with "Seven years ago, Leeds were in the Champions League", but playing in the football league trophy is hardly the worst thing that could have happened to the club lately.

After being all-but relegated last season, the club exploited a Football League loophole and entered administration due to the long-term debts the club accrued in an ill-fated drive for the Champions League, with unsecured debts totaling £100m at one point before a succession of chairman chipped away at the debt.

Football League rules meant that Leeds incurred a 10-point penalty for their financial situation but, as they were effectively relegated anyway, the club faced the wrath of fellow Football League members.

As it emerged, it was all one big debt avoidance scheme by chairman Ken Bates, a man who himself resides in the tax-haven that is Monte Carlo.

Creditors of the club were vast, ranging from a local mobile DJ, a balloon supplier, St Gemma's Hospice and the St John's Ambulance but it was four main parties that were of major interest in this remarkable saga.

Whilst their was a number of creditors, the bulk of the debt was owed to four parties. Astor Holdings, Krato Trust, Forward Sports Fund and HMRC - the tax man to you and me. But here's the twist: Nobody had ever heard of the former three firms, they were based at various parts of the globe, including the British Virgin Islands, where businesses can set themselves up almost anonymously. The link was that Bates was attached or associated with the three firms all along. He was in a win-win situation. 75% of a creditors vote was needed for a new ownership of the club, yet Bates himself was attached to 45% of the creditors.

Bates promptly made an offer to creditors - you would get 1p back for every £1 you were owed. That meant that a local hospice, who were owed more than £800, would get little more that £8. However, in line with Football League regulations, all 'football creditors' had to be paid. That meant that former players, owed hundreds of thousands of pounds, would receive every penny.

The offer didn't go down too well with the tax-man, who challenged the resulting CVA.

I could go on here but I'll bore you. Long story short, the CVA was scrapped, against Football League rules, and after much uncertainty over whether the club would be allowed to compete, they were eventually, at the eleventh hour, granted entry to League One - with a 15-point deduction and no FA membership.

There was one other Yorkshire side though who weren't so lucky.

Scarborough FC are another football club who had been teetering on the brink of collapse for a number of years.

As the debts mounted, the solution seemed to be to leave their home at Seamer Road and move to a new, purpose built ground on the outskirts of the city. There nothing wrong with the McCain Stadium, I went their myself whilst following Farsley Celtic last season and as a Conference North ground, there few, if any that were better. But the site was prime land for property developers. Flats and apartments were starting to surround the ground and the "Seadogs" wanted to cash-in on the housing boom.

But local politics got in the way. A covenant existed on the site that restricted its use only to sporting activities. There was no way that the site could be sold to a property developer without the covenant being lifted. Despite the club's best efforts to convince the authorities that this plan would save the club, Scarborough Borough Council refused to budge.

Inevitably, the club was wound up. A new club has formed, Scarborough Athletic, in the Northern Counties East League and the club, an offshoot from a side that was facing Chelsea in the FA Cup in 2004, will face Kirkbymoorside this coming Saturday as part of a league campaign that will take in Rainworth Miners Welfare and the Leeds Metropolitan University team.

There are probably intricacies and details that I'm probably not aware of in the case of Scarborough FC, but from the outset, it seems a shame that a local authority was so short-sighted when it came to the state of the club. After insisting that the site at Seamer Road could only be used for sport, they now have a site with no sports team which will, in all likelihood, be sold off to a property developer.

I also type this just hours after Widnes Vikings RLFC themselves entered administration.

In the chase for promotion, they banked heavily on a result which, on Sunday, never came. Today the club are counting the cost of that ambition and, although it would seem unlikely, the sport could lose one of it's great names.

The rugby league authorities are introducing a franchising system from 2009, which would eliminate automatic promotion and relegation and force clubs to build a long-term plan and prove that they are capable of competing in the elite division - both on and off the field. It can't come soon enough.

A Plea

2007-10-08T20:36:00.000Z

On Friday night, Leeds Rhinos ended their home campaign by booking their place at the Rugby Super League Grand Final at Old Trafford.

A 36-6 victory over Wigan in the Final Eliminator of the play-offs means that Leeds will now face St Helens at the home of Manchester United for the right to be crowned Super League champions and after queuing for around 2 and a half hours from 7:50am on Saturday, I had my match ticket in hand.

The Grand Final itself is a fantastic concept and a great day out. The game is played in the sports traditional heartlands, Manchester City Centre opens up it's bars to supporters of all clubs without the need for the heavy police presence that accompanies certain other sports and the game itself is as tense as anything ever seen in a sporting arena. A full season of work comes down to 80 minutes.

That photo was taken in 2004 - when Leeds won the championship for the first time in 32 years and it was an unforgettable day. It also showed that even Leeds' rugby team can do something that Leeds United can't do - win at Old Trafford. ;)

But there is one downside. One blight on the evening that spoils the day for all involved - air horns.

Despite the various signs displayed at every turnstile informing you that such items are banned from all British sporting stadia, street traders the length of Sir Matt Busby Way will be peddling these infernal horns to people stupid enough to buy them. As soon as the gates open and you reach your seat, you are guaranteed to be sat in front of some brat who insists pointing his new-found toy directly at your ear lobe.

Some of us see sense. There is a bloke selling the same offending articles at Headingley, standing on St Michael's Lane before every home game. Despite this, I have never heard an air horn sound in the ground for as long as I can remember - and I don't think that's down to the eagle-eyed stewards telling purchasers where to shove the offending object before they enter the ground. Quite how that seller earns a living is quite intriguing.

So anyway - it's time to take a stand. If you're going to the Grand Final on Saturday - don't buy air horns. Don't even think about it - just don't.

I even made a crappy photoshop banner to start my campaign. Feel free to steal it if you wish.

Ice Hockey is funny

2007-10-01T21:03:00.000Z

The NHL came to London this week in the first of many attempts by the Americans to spark some interest from Europe in sports that, generally speaking, only Americans play.

We've got Basketball and American Football yet to come, but the National Hockey League took centre stage this weekend as the Anaheim Ducks played the LA Kings in two NHL regular season fixtures.

The aim of the game is to build a team of big, angry, violent, toothless Canadians, give them a stick and some ice skates and get them to score more goals than the opposition whilst also trying to start as many fights as possible in the three periods of play - simple really.

As it turned out, LA won the first game 4-1 whilst the Ducks won the second game 4-1.

Personally, the main reason I subscribed to NASN (aside from the fact that it comes bundled with Setanta) was for the almost wall-to-wall NHL coverage and there is a hell of a lot of skill involved besides just trying to knock as many teeth out of an opponents gum as possible, even if that is the biggest crowd puller. A bit like this one between the Philadelphia Flyers and Owatta Senators:

But in the world of sporting hard-men, there's always one who's on standby ready to make a pillock of himself and in this blog, we pay homage to Calgary Flames hard-nut Dion Phaneuf.

Enjoy!

Know your market

2007-09-25T19:53:00.000Z

Every now and again, the local free-paper that sometimes turns up is stuffed with leaflets for local window cleaners, drive tarmac'ers and the local supermarkets.

This week, said paper did turn up, with said offers leaflet from said supermarkets.

Now a quick browse through the offers of cheap fish fingers, tinned soups and of course, booze, brought to my attention a drink known as "Red Square".

This Red Square happens to be a vodka-mixer jobbie that is packaged "RTD" (Ready-to-drink, apparently). But what intrigued me more is the tag-line: "Ibiza in a Can".

Now at first it puzzled me as to how you could fit a Balearic Island into a 500ml aluminium container. Then of course, it hits you as to what their audience actually is. The idea of Ibiza that they want to get across isn't sandy beaches, blistering sun and blue seas, it's expensive nightclubs, pissed-up revellers and sick in the streets. Red Square, naturally, prefers to say that the product is aimed at "18-24 year-olds". I prefer to say "aimed at the type of Chavs that watch Jeremy Kyle".

Jerry Springer wannabe Jeremy Kyle has had his chat show blasted as "human bear-baiting" by a judge this week after a studio guest was convicted assaulting another guest during a recording of the show.

Kyle's day-time talk show essentially encourages families from Britain's underclass to come on stage, get their 15 minutes of fame, swear at each other on national TV and then make an emotional pledge never to sleep with the milkman / barmaid / TV repair man ever again. All the while Kyle talks down to them from his high-and-mighty position.

It's a show that always walks the tightrope for what was acceptable and it was only a matter of time before it went too far. Like most ITV shows, it's car-crash television specifically catered for the hard-of-thinking. It's the same reason why Jerry Springer was so popular for a brief period until people started seeing through it.

At least it's good to see ITV's name getting dragged through the gutter once again. A few more premium-rate phone scandals, high profile criticisms and profit warnings and we might see the last of their garbage.

Is Graffiti "Art"?

2007-09-18T19:11:00.000Z

The jailing of two teenage 'graffiti artists' for 15 and 12 months in Manchester has hit the headlines this week.

The pair caused around £13,000 worth of damage on a graffiti spree that saw them target a number of rail stations across the North West but whilst the jail sentences handed to the pair have been condemned, the issue has also re-opened a debate on the issue of this so-called 'urban art'.

On the one hand, you have those who claim that graffiti is a unique brand of art which typifies urban, inner-city life. Many of the underground walkways in Bradford City Centre used to feature this form of art in an attempt to make the subway system more appealing. Graffiti was often used to make political statements, particularly in Northern Ireland, promote under-represented subcultures and in the US, many of the world's leading brands utilise graffiti art as a form of advertising.

But on the other side of the coin, you have those who say that graffiti is nothing more than another form of vandalism, petty crime and yet another symbol of urban decay and inner-city squaller.

Most politicians, it must be said, seem to side with the latter argument and understandably so. Most graffiti isn't art at all and there's no way that the words "Daz woz 'ere" scrawled on a bus shelter would get nothing more than a derisory look from any right-minded individual.

But then take someone like "Banksy" and some of his work, which is undoubtedly impressive:

Of course, the sentences handed out to these two lads has also been questioned. Without trying to turn this into a "why give these kids 15 months when people who get much less" argument, it is excessive.

You have to question to what degree these youngsters are a danger to society and you'd also have to question what a custodial sentence will achieve which a community service wouldn't have achieved? The elder of the pair will now miss his first year of university and a year of trying to better himself to be able to contribute back to society. Instead, he's at even greater danger of turning to a life of petty crime.

Manchester, like many major cities in the UK has it's share of problems, but should clamping down on over expressive 'art' really be the priority?

Crisis Management 101

2007-09-11T19:12:00.000Z

This morning's staff meeting at London 2012 HQ was probably a busy one after Channel 4's Dispatches uncovered some pretty damaging truths about the real costs of the 2012 Olympics.

Despite the warnings that the games would be astronomically over budget, barely finished on time and be a massive drain on resources, those in power tried to convince us all, even those of us outside the M25, that's we'd all benefit from London hosting the Games of the XXX Olympiad.

And last night, Channel 4 told us what only the most foolish already knew, and much more besides.

Economic research, previously hidden by the DCMS, blew out of the water the idea that we'd all be winners in the Olympic race. The 2012 organisers tried to sell us the idea that Olympic teams would be setting up camp at a hotel in Yorkshire, going for a brisk warm-up at a council-owned athletics facility in Hunslet and then jumping on the bus down the the Olympic Park. All of which was an idea that got no further than the imagination of Sebastian Coe's sound-bites and press releases.
In total, London will see investment of around £5.9bn whilst the rest of the UK loses around £4bn, that's before you factor in lost Lottery funding.

That brings us nicely onto the point that most of the press have picked up from the documentary, Seb Coe's involvement in the games, with Dispatches alleging that he had benefited to the tune of £200,000 in his role as an after-dinner speaker.

Now I'll hold my hands up and admit that, at times, Dispatches can be as objective as a Michael Moore film but in this case, it summed up what a lot of us already suspected about the Olympics. The bid party knew they had to drum up support, and so they were going to at whatever costs.

What stood out for me personally though is the number of private individuals involved and why some of these organisations were headed by very public figures. Not just some no-mark MP, but London Mayor Ken Livingston and Sport Minister Tessa Jowell for instance.

All of that allowed major public figures to conveniently skirt obligations under the Freedom of Information Act. This coming from a government that is trying to sell the idea of ID cards to us with the line "If you've nothing to hide then you've nothing to worry about."

It's little wonder that support for the game is at an all-time low. Once the Olympic bandwagon has well and truly packed-up and moved on to the next unsuspecting city, Sebastian Coe's "legacy" will be nothing more than dilapidated, grass-roots sports facilities starved of lottery funding, a East London community dismantled, an Olympic village sold off to wealthy property developers and a budget over-run that would make Montreal look like a bargain.

A day at the races

2007-09-10T19:52:00.000Z

Nope, not horse racing. On Sunday I tootled along to Donington Park for the World Series by Renault weekend.

I've not really been a massive motorsport fanatic. I was one of many that became disenchanted with F1 after Rubens Barrichello pulled up before the finish line to let Michael Schumacher take the chequered flag at the 2002 Austrian Grand Prix. From then, I saw it nothing more than 24 moving cigarette adverts (and later, post tobacco advertising ban, mobile phone adverts), some evidently much quicker than others, all following team orders in order to contrive a result.

But I've tended to keep a ear to the ground anyway, especially in the lesser known versions, British Touring cars, World Rally Championship, that kind of thing.

And so we headed to Leicestershire for an event, armed with free tickets (a Yorkshireman doesn't turn down a freebie) to see what you don't tend to get with Bernie Ecclestone's offering these days, some competitive racing and fan friendly fun.

There was plenty going on as well. There were five races that day and two exibitions. One of which was of Renault's Formula One cars of yesteryear, including the John Player special once used by Ayrton Senna:

They then broke out the current Renault R26 racing car, which proved almost impossible to photograph:

But it did get a little easier as the day went on.......

There were plenty of side-stalls as well and it all made for a fantastic day out, all complimentary of Renault Sport and one that probably be attending again. Ignore the fairgrounds, interactive games and simulators in the infield where you got to queue for ages, there was still plenty to keep you occupied between races.The infield still had exhibitions from the Renault Collectors and Classic Car club and after we'd had a wander around there, we headed into the Paddock.

Here you had plenty of photo opportunities, chances to talk to drivers / mechanics, classic car shows, collectors car show, it was a petrol-head's paradise.

There were obviously people there who didn't fall into the "casual viewer" category like I did and they felt right at home talking about gear mechanisms, power-to-weight ratios and slip-differentials, stuff that goes way above my head.

Me? My interests were elsewhere....

Who said motorsport was dull?!

Missing a trick here.

2007-09-05T18:53:00.000Z

The BBC have apparently ditched an idea to screen one of those eco-nutter enviromental save-the-planet type programmes after the dross that was Live Earth back in July.

Judging by the working title of "Planet Relief", it would have been similar to those telethon type shows like Children in Need and Comic Relief where all night the viewing public are subjected to hour after hour of dancing BBC news-readers, signing Eastenders stars and hour after hour of Graham Norton.

The show, which would have been presented by Ricky Gervais, wouldn't have been asking us to phone up and pledge money, the BBC aren't doing that at the minute, but instead they would have insisted on a "big switch-off".

The Beeb's decision has angered the eco-nutters no end but I'm very pleased that the BBC have decided not to jump on the global warming band-wagon.

The last thing we need is another programme pandering to the cries of the environmental lobby and trying to persuade me that by taking my TV off stand-by and unplugging my mobile phone charger, I will bring the polar bears back from extinction and save a jungle tribe in Papua New Guinea from the apocalypse.

Let's face it, any good work that we do will be more than undone by the world's growing economies. 'Going-green' clearly isn't encouraged by public transport policies and it's very clear that our elected leaders are using the global warming bandwagon as an excuse to hide additional forms of taxation.

But this big switch-off thing, that could have been a success. Usually the first sight of these telethon shows, or anything with Ricky Gervais is enough to make me turn the TV off.

Did I misplace a washer?

2007-09-05T18:38:00.000Z

On Monday, Leeds ground to a complete halt as a burst watermain closed off the busiest part of the busiest road in the city.

I was going to write something about it, but Jerry Chicken is much more on-the-ball on a morning than I am and I just couldn't bring myself to plagerise all his hard work, so I'll just link to it instead.

Although that Michael bloke he talks about seems to be a smart chap. I propose that they put him in a position of power somewhere.

One brilliant comedian

2007-09-03T18:27:00.000Z

Last night, your typical Leeds Rhinos fan should have probably been getting wet at Odsal, as Leeds went to Bradford for the fourth local derby of the rugby league season, but I wasn't. Instead, the Leeds Grand Theatre was the venue for my nights entertainment.

Geordie comedian Ross Noble kicked-off his latest UK tour "Nobleism" in Leeds yesterday evening and put on yet another brilliant performance.

For most people, the only time that they would have seen Noble would have been as a panel guest on 'Have I got News for You?' and even then, most people would only remember his as "that long-haired geordie bloke".

For men, having first seen him stand-up completely by accident as I watched TV at 11pm in a hotel in Bristol, I quickly ended up with his three DVD's. Yesterday was the first time I've seen him live

As a modern-day stand-up, there are not many better and it's a brand of stand-up that you don't see very often. Ask him what his act is and he'll tell you that it's not much more than four words on a piece of scrap paper. Almost all of it is based on his surroundings and crowd interaction. Some of his acts are so surreal it's untrue and whenever I see his acts I'm amazed at how his mind works sometimes.

He's certainly worlds apart from much more renowned comedians such as Ricky Gervais, who couldn't even begin to put together a spontaneous act on a par with Noble's. Something that Gervais demonstrated overtly in his "rabbit in headlights" performance at the Concert for Diana a few months back when he quickly realised that he'd run out of material with around 8 minutes of his act remaining and so, rather than embarrass himself in front of the royal family and a worldwide TV audience, he'd dance around on stage like a burke.

As for last night? An absolutely fantastic show and one that I'd recommend anyone to recommend although it may be offensive to people in the following groups:

Leeds City Council
Sex offenders
Drug addicts
Walt Disney
Kinder Egg factory workers
Nurses
Daily Mail readers
Customs officers
The unemployed
Roller Bladers
Homosexuals
Christians
The cast of Starlight Express
Airport Check-in assistants
New Zealanders
People who carry kazoos
Muslims
Taxi drivers
Chesney Hawks
Prostitutes
Turtle lovers
The town of Halifax
The elderly
Howard, the signing bloke from the Halifax commercials

There are probably more but anyway, here's an official clip from one of his previous tours, just for fun.

The Wembley Way

2007-08-31T20:24:00.000Z

The new Wembley was finally opened a few months ago and after a succession of football matches and rock concerts, it was the turn of Rugby League to grace the new £800million venue.

Sometimes forgotten about in Wembley history, the Rugby League Challenge Cup final has been played at the national stadium since 1929. There have been some memorable events that have taken place at the old Wembley stadium that, unfortunately, tend to get buried under the hysteria surrounding the equally famous football and music events that the venue has hosted.

The picture above was taken at the 1999 Challenge Cup Final. It was the last rugby final to be played at Wembley before the twin towers were demolished and it was the first time I ever saw my side Leeds win a major trophy in the flesh, after plenty of final defeats it has to be said.
Then Leeds captain Iestyn Harris (on the right) is pictured with man-of-the-match Leroy Rivett, who became the first player to score four tries in a cup final. His career has since nose-dived and the last I heard, he was working at a bowling alley in Leeds City Centre.
He was present at Wembley last week, as part of a parade of Lance Todd Trophy winners, although he should have probably asked someone about the expected dress-code.

But there has been many more memorable events that go down, not just in rugby league history, but in sporting history. Take Don Fox's missed goal in the 1968 final that handed Leeds victory over Wakefield. The day when Bradford's Robbie Paul became the first scorer of a hat-trick at Wembley - and still ended up on the losing side as the Bulls went down to St Helens in 1996.

In 1998, it was the Sheffield Eagles who caused one of the biggest sporting upsets ever seen as they beat the mighty Wigan Warriors in a final that some regard as the greatest ever seen in the cup's 110 year history.

And it would have been an upset of similar proportions last week had St Helens fallen to the Catalans Dragons, the first ever non-British side to compete in a Challenge Cup final.

The Dragons, only in their second year in existence in their current guise, were massive underdogs and so it seemed only right that I became a part-time bandwagon-jumping Dragon for the day.

Here are a sample of photos from the day:

Some people were warned about staying in Leeds until 4:00am when a 7:00am departure was planned. Unfortunately, your's truly got conned into driving so couldn't enjoy himself the night before. Whilst I was awake, driving, these scenes were also repeated on the M40 / A43 / M1 on the way home.

Walking down Wembley away, this at about 11:00am.

Bobby Moore's statue

In my defence, I'd not bought the Catalans shirt just because they got to the final - this was a souvenir from my trip to Perpignan last season. I've even been to a Catalans game in England (vs Bradford, albiet on a freebie) so that doesn't really make me a bandwagon jumper.....

View from on high....

And again....

The match kicks-off.

Impressions on Wembley? Very impressive. For some, it will take some getting used to and it does lack the ore and sentimentality of the old stadium but in terms of facilities, it's infinitely better. The concourses are wide and surprisingly light for a fully enclosed walkway, the views are impressive (the above photo doesn't do it justice) and in terms of architecture, it's a far cry from those IKEA flat-pack retail park football stadiums that are unfortunately, becoming increasingly common in this country.

The only gripe is the location. I could have come up with a more imaginative place for a national stadium than a North London industrial estate, but that was as much a problem with the old stadium as it is with this one. They are regenerating the immediate area, although my suspicions are that theses will be no more than yuppie apartment blocks. We shall see.

The atmosphere was a bit flat, but I don't think that two sides so far apart, both geographically and playing-wise, would have generated an electric atmosphere. The noise does carry around the stadium well though.

All in all, an enjoyable day out. The result wasn't what I hoped but I wasn't overly fussed. I'd certainly go again, hopefully it will be Leeds there next year!

We don't want your business, leave us alone

2007-08-30T18:25:00.000Z

Once again, a quick scan of the letters page in the Yorkshire Evening Post reveals numerous complaints about the state of public transport in the city and, in particular, the sheer incompetence of First.

Tales of vanishing services, non-existent customer service, poor standards of driving, punctuality, poor cleanliness and unacceptable driver attitudes towards customers are only the start of it and unfortunately, these experiences aren't in the minority if my own experience of rush-hour travel in Leeds is anything to go by.

It's the first time that I've not had access to an employee car park since starting my new role and so it was an ideal opportunity, or so I thought, to do my bit for the environment, cut congestion and save a few quid in the process.

How wrong I was.

The day starts by being crammed into a single-decked vehicle on some of the busiest commuter routes in Yorkshire with less leg-room than that found on a Ryanair flight. I'm then carted around every estate in West Leeds in the sweltering heat, because said vehicle has completely inadequate ventilation.

I arrive in the city centre and have to fight my way to the front of the vehicle because the inadequate seating facilities force other paying customers to stand in the narrow gang-way. Driver of said vehicle drives past my required stop due to his lack of observation and/or customer service skills.

Come 5:30pm, and I've got to cut short any idea of overtime - public transport clocks-off at 6:00pm despite the fact that much of Leeds' economy is based on retail and a thriving nightlife - both industries that work well after six.

So it's out as close to 5:30pm as possible and race outside to the bus stop which, thankfully, is right outside the office.

Now this is the bit that confuses most drivers, as they seem to struggle with the idea that bus stops tend to be on the left hand side of a dual-carriageway. Most drivers, for whatever reason, seem to move into the right hand lane (or to give it it's official term, the overtaking lane) well before said bus stop, making embarkation impossible. Quite what they think they are going to overtake at 5:30pm on a city centre road is beyond me, and the First customer services team are yet to answer my query.

I'm forced to walk to another stop to catch another bus but because that is a single-decked vehicle, I'm forced to wait further before I'm ready to repeat the morning routine, albeit in the other direction.

And for all this, I hand over £14 of my hard-earned every week.

I'd really like to say that I hadn't made up these experiences, but they have all happened in the space of just four weeks. I've genuinely given First Leeds an opportunity to prove that they can do something right, that there is more to them than just PR stunts and that they are capable of providing a viable alternative to driving myself into work. They can't do it, to the point where there services are simply unusable.

They don't want my business. No other private company could treat their customers with such contempt and expect repeat business, but then again, no other business would be allowed to build such an anti-competitive monopoly on an essential public service.

It's a far cry from other cities, not least London, which proved to me on Saturday that public transport can efficiently and safely transport more than 84,000 to a sporting event on a North London industrial estate, and then set them on the way home again. Compare with the two train carraiges offered by First Transpennine to transport Leeds and Bradford rugby league supporters and the majority of a 65,000 crowd back to West Yorkshire from Manchester.

These are problems that could all be solved quite easily. It just takes a bit of thought and some focus and the minute that First stop messing around with pointless PR stunts claiming to be the "ftr" (sic) of travel, the better. Rather than seeing their customers as an inconvinience, see them as customers and treat them as such.

As it is, I won't be using another service operated by First. Unfortunately foor the city's transport planners, that means yet another one-occupant vehicle adding to the congestion problems. It's not costing me much more in contract parking and to be honest, what little extra that it does cost is certainly money well spent.

But perhaps I should be careful in passing judgement on First's services, given that they've come up with a rather novel way of dealing with customer complaints.
Rather than acknowledge the complaint and address the issues raised, First have decided that they'd rather sue anyone who dares to question their means.

Nice to see that they care.

National Treasures?

2007-07-25T20:27:00.001Z

Bloomin' Heck! I forgot about this thing!

I know I've not been here for a few days. It's not because I've not been up to anything interesting, I've had plenty on lately. I've still got some comments from my holiday I wanted to get across, I've seen the new Wembley and I've generally been enjoying myself.
I've followed the on-going summer soap-opera that is Leeds United's administration, tried to get my money's worth from my Bodyline gym membership and basically, tried to take advantage of the fact that I no longer work evenings or weekends.
I just don't feel that I've had the time over the past few months or so to add to this thing.
I'm only just settled into a new job, a new routine and there's been plenty that I've wanted to get out of the way. Perhaps writing for a living has diluted my enthusiasm for blogging somewhat? I hope not.

Anyway, back to business.

See the place on the left, that's Stonehenge.

It's one of the 27 World Heritage sites in the UK and is one of the most famous prehistoric sites in the world.

It attracts tourists from all around the world with around 750,000 visitors making the journey to Salisbury in Wiltshire.

Now all of that is fine, until you actually get there and my gripe is this.

In the UK, it was decided that our "national treasures" should be just that, something for the nation to enjoy. Walk into any museum in the country with the word "National" in the title (amongst others) and the chances are that you won't find a single ticket booth. Instead, they are almost completely government funded so that anyone, regardless of their wallet size, can sample a piece of history or in some cases, the most modern innovations of our time.

Within a short drive from the place I'm currently typing, I've got the choice of seeing the Royal Armouries in Leeds, The National Railway Museum in York, the National Museum of Photography, Film and Television in Bradford and the National Coal Mining Museum near Wakefield and I could see any of them, in fact, I've seen three of them already, for nothing more that my petrol costs and a few hours in a pay and display car park.

And this is where the link with Stonehenge comes in. For a so-called "site of world importance", I was quite taken aback to see that, for the privilege of seeing something that belongs to the nation, I would be expected to part with nigh-on £7.00. Perhaps not a massive amount at first glance, but when you have a party of four to consider, £28.00 to see something that, whilst it has a lot of mystic and history behind it, isn't that much to look at all things considered.

Perhaps I'm not the only person who feels that way. The site was recently voted as one of the most disappointing tourist destinations in the world.

Now you might be reading this and thinking "Ah-Ha - When I go, I'll just drive past and look over the fence whilst taking photos!" Well, not so fast.

English Heritage, who are tasked with preserving the sight, have realised the flaws in their business plans and have plans afoot to put that right.

There are two roads that surround Stonehenge. One of them, which leads to the car park, will be closed. The other, which is the A303 trunk road, will be roofed over, putting the road in darkness where the henge was once visible. A new visitor centre is being constructed - two miles away - and tourists will be charged for the train-ride up to the site. It's such an elaborately villainous scheme, I couldn't possible make some sort of libelous and derogatory comment about them. Even a Dr Evil would have been proud of that. Oh - and guess whose paying?

But Stonehenge isn't the only target of my gripe either.

See this building here? That's Shakespeare's old gaff.

He was born at his very house in Stratford Upon Avon and it is from here, that he started his devilish plan to irritate every single GCSE English student.

Now again, you'd think that the birthplace of someone who is unquestionably the greatest play-write England has ever produced would be considered a site of national importance.

Well, it is important, but only if you're willing to stump-up the £7.00 entry fee.

I appreciate that these sorts of places have to be maintained and looked after, but given that anything remotely breakable is fenced-off from prying hands, it makes you wonder how big the financial 'black-hole' is at these sorts of places.

That said, don't let it put you off visiting Stratford, it's actually a very nice town.

I won't say much more, I'd only be repeating what I've said a few paragraphs prior but you get the general gist of what I'm trying to say. Perhaps it's just the rantings of a stereotypically tight Yorkshireman, or perhaps this 'national importance' thing isn't all it's cracked up to be.

PS: Oh, and the date, ignore that - I've had this idea saved as a draft for ages now!

Cornwall is a strange place

2007-07-16T14:12:00.000Z

Having been away for more than a week, very few of you were probably wondering what had happened to me. Nevertheless, I've spent the last week learning how weird Cornwall is.

Head South down the M5 and eventually you'll reach the end of the motorway network - and civilisation itself it would seem.

Lots of tourists this summer will head to Cornwall and they too will discover that whilst this county can offer an enjoyable week away from home, it is a strange place.

One thing that immediately stands out is the natives. Now to say that all of them are a little odd is unfair, but after a short while you soon realise that films like 'Hot Fuzz' do offer an accurate representation of life in the West Country. Accent aside, there seems to be an innate fear of anything 'not Cornish'.
Almost any request for alcohol, food or tatty gifts was met with the expression "You're not from round 'ere are yer?" This is unusual, given that the Cornish economy would be completely non-existent without an influx of people every year from people who "weren't from round there".
The other thing that immediately strikes you is the number of 'Saint Piran's' flags, the local flag of 'Kernow', that's Cornish for 'Cornwall' - it's an educational experience is this you know.....
This flag is everywhere, dangling from windows, on tea towels and flying from car aerials as if there were a major football tournament taking place. This mass flag waving though is somewhat unnerving to the outsider. It makes you assume that the Cornish folk are forming some mass separatist group looking to succeed from the UK - who knows......

There's another problem with Cornwall. There's not an awful lot to do there and what attractions do exist are spread across the length and breadth of the county. Unless you are staying ion Newquay, which is quite a lively resort, you have to drive pretty much everywhere. That would be fine, but because there are no motorways, you can't drive anywhere without getting stuck behind a tractor or a caravan.
The main road that does exist, the A30, has struggled to cope with the tourist traffic flow for decades. Whilst we were there, they actually opened an expanded section of the A30 at Indian Queens to cope with the demand. The day after it opened, it was swiftly reduced back to one lane due to an accident.
A trip along the A30 also brings your attention to an unnerving amount of 'road-kill'. Birds, badgers, rabbits, squirrels, you name it, it's probably dead on the A30 and one journey in particular really made me question what was actually meant by the term 'local produce'.

We stayed in a small village, just outside Penzance, a town that fully supported the image of Cornwall that became ingrained in my mind.
I couldn't understand how anyone could actually live in such a town. Whilst it might make a perfectly adequate holiday destination, you'd struggle to sustain an interesting lifestyle there. The two main economic opportunities that appeared to exist consisted of selling ice cream or buying a barely sea-worthy fishing boat and then finding tourists stupid enough to pay money to ride on said vessel. Aside from that, if want to buy a range of products costing £1 or drink in an unwelcoming public house, then you might enjoy spending the best part of your life there.

Anyway, it's good to be back and I dare say that there'll be some more infrequent updates on my latest adventures in due course.

It's been a while....

2007-07-06T08:01:00.000Z

This might sound like a stupid thing to say, given that I've not written anything on here for over a week, but it'll be another week and a half before you see anything else.

See you later!

Parental Guidance

2007-06-28T20:30:00.000Z

In an act of shameless plagerism from the very good Jerry Chicken blog, my blog has now got a BBFC stylee classification.

Mine isn't as unsuitable and un-kiddie friendly as his, but you should still urge caution, apparently, as this blog contains the word "suck" on one occaision and has a completely unacceptable two instances of the word "viagra", although quite why I'm not sure.

You have been warned.

Won't somebody please think of the children?

2007-06-28T07:48:00.000Z

Just when you thought it was safe to turn on your iPod, something dreadful happens in the world of music.

Seven years after disbanding, the Spice Girls are reforming, bringing with them, presumably, a host of crap re-hashes of crap records and a god-awful sequel to one of the worst ever films in history.

This should not be allowed to happen.

Another addition to the list of 'Things I can't do very well'

2007-06-24T19:43:00.000Z

Having stayed up till 5am this morning to watch Ricky Hatton pound his Mexican opponent into the canvas, today was always going to be a very lazy day.

And so having spent all day either in bed, or on the settee, it was time to do something at least remotely constructive.

And to the pool hall we set sail. This was the same pool hall where I had a run-in with a hypocritical Leeds City Council traffic warden last April. Said hypocrite handed me a penalty notice which a recent legal precedent has ruled it illegal, resulting in a nicely worded correspondence heading off to our local parking enforcement office - but that's another story.
At this time on a Sunday however, there is no parking restriction and so with our local authority's orange-clad brigade of vultures out of the picture, we had nothing to fear.

I was accompanied by my mate Oli (the one who was unwilling to change a tyre last week). Now we don't regularly go to pool, indeed my membership had expired, but rumour had it that Oliver was somewhat out of form and so I would provide the perfect opportunity to get back into the winning habit.

That is because I am completely shit at pool. My coordination skills are limited and rather than plan my shots with military precision, my tactics tend to involve hitting any available ball as hard as possible on the basis that a series of ricochets will down something.

In a first to eleven game, the losing margin was somewhere in the "11" area.

At times like this, you realise you aren't as fit as you used to be.

2007-06-23T18:15:00.000Z

"Michael, fancy football on Wednesday?"
"Where is it?"
"Goals in Kirkstall"
"Sure, put me down"

The above exchange is th first mistake in my new job since joining three weeks ago. Long story short, I goot roped into a 5-a-side kickabout with a few lads from work - it's good to make an effort and blend in after all.

So anyway, Wednesday comes and we arrive at a well-hidden 'soccer centre' which is essentially a field of astro turf divded onto lots of little boxes where people such as myself can make idiots of themselves. My sports playing days were long over. I'd played rugby until the age of 16 but the time came to get a part-time job instead because I quite liked having some money to spend.

Having scored the first goal after a few minutes, it started to go downhill from there and my lack of match practise soon caught up with me. I soon learned that performing a slide tackle on astro-turf would make a cheap alternative to a skin-grafting operation (or at least half of one) and that beer and pie does not make forr a good sporting diet.

Two days later and my thighs were still tight.

Perhaps it's one of those symbolic things. I write this just one day after the 33rd anniversary of this piece of footballing brilliance. The resemblence to the standard I displayed on Wednesday night is uncanny:

Now you know that the IOC have lost it

2007-06-19T21:07:00.000Z

Whilst all around you are losing their heads, you should lose yours as well so as not to look stupid. That's presumably the motto at the IOC.

Now in some respects, I can accept that the chairman of the IOC's coordination committee Daniel Oswald quite likes the newly unveiled London 2012 logo, after all, that would be a matter of taste. He thinks that it's modern, dynamic, youthful, all the usual meaningless phrases that marketing people tend to come out with when trying to justify an excessively large invoice.
I on the other hand, as well as most of the British public, think that the 2012 logo shit but each to their own.

The worrying thing comes a little later though:

"We were delighted to have confirmation that the legacy aspect of the Games was what it was promised at the time of the bid," he said.
"This legacy is very important and we really consider London will be a model for future host cities of the Games.

What? Are you serious?

A games that is already predicting an increased budget of £9.3bn, has an aquatics centre that saw it's budget double overnight and a games policed by a force that doesn't have enough qualified officers, all of which before a brick has been laid is a 'good model' for future games?

It all comes from the IOC visit to London to check up on how the preparation is going. Given that the IOC, as an organisation, is a law unto itself, my only expectation is that this turned into a lunchtime back-patting session, just dragged out over three days.

Nevertheless, Ken Livingstone can't help but take this opportunity to have a dig at the doubters following these baffling comments:

Mr Livingstone guaranteed the 2012 Olympics would be the "most successful since Barcelona in 1992 in terms of regeneration and legacy".
"As the next three Olympic Games follow London, we will still be getting the legacy benefits in terms of housing and employment," he said.
He added that London would be able to meet all its Olympics targets and would "stage the greatest Games ever".
"It is time for the pessimists and purveyors of doom to start looking at the facts as laid out today and join the rest of us in backing London," he said.

As for the 'most successful legacy since Barcelona', he's probably right. Just as Barcelona turfed more than 50,000 gypsies from Montjuic Hill back in 1992, London will leave a legacy of local residential areas being bulldozed to make way for luxury apartments, leaving behind increased house prices and the dismantling of a community to be replaced by a wealthy clique.

But we should start looking at the facts? I am looking at the facts Mr Livingstone. The facts are that in 2002, the DCMS published the 'Game Plan' report which claimed that "hosting events is not an effective, value-for-money method of achieving ... a sustained increase in mass [sports] participation".
Another public think-tank found that "there is no guaranteed beneficial legacy from hosting an Olympic games ... and there is little evidence that past games have delivered benefits to those people and places most in need".
The facts also state that this Olympics is already over-budget by a considerable degree and that the London 2012 committee has produced an unpopular, epilepsy-inducing branding campaign.

Still, best to stick your head in the sand, assuming you haven't lost it yet.

You've got a friend

2007-06-16T08:46:00.000Z

If there's one thing that makes you a proper bloke, then changing a flat tyre in the rain is surely up there.

The deluge that hit Yorkshire yesterday didn't make for a pleasant evening on the pop but nevertheless, we ventured up to Headingley where we would watch whatever rugby match was on the TV (Wigan v Catalans as it was) before heading into town.

Now the four Bramley lads all jumped in a taxi and each argued with each other over how much we each owed to pay the driver the £6 fare - the done thing in these parts.

Now our mate Stephen on the other hand, lives in Pudsey and so decided to get a lift up from his mum who refused to drive him anywhere until Coronation Street had finished.

Now before we go any further, please bear in mind that our mate Stephen is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Bright enough guy that he is, it's fair to say that he lacks a few 'life skills'. It is also worth noting that our mate Stephen will do absolutely anything to get out of buying a round.
Got that? Good, we can continue.

So Stephen meets us in the Skyrack and heads to the bar, unusually, without being prompted. As he's there, the phone stats ringing. The wallet soon goes back in the wallet and he heads outside - his mum has got a flat tyre, or so he tells us.

A few minutes later, my phone starts ringing.
"My mum's got a flat tyre"
"How bad is it"
"Errrm"
"Could you get it to a petrol station"
"Errrm.... can you come and have look"

Now at this point, my drinking buddies thought I was mad but like good mates and proper blokes, undeterred by the monsoon outside, two of us set out to help a friend in need, under the firm belief that such an act of kindness would result in a few free 'taxi rides' in the near future.

We arrived on scene to our mate Stephen standing around on St Michael's Road looking like a drowned rat whilst his mum sat in the car with the heating on.

The tyre was almost destroyed but unfortunately, Stephen looked at me expecting to impart some good news like "it'll get you a a garage" or something equally optimistic. There was no chance. In the wall of the tyre was a hole the size of a ten pence piece and it turns out that she hit the curb at some point. My mate Oli (who had joined me to assess the situation and assist with the tyre replacement) put on his best 'dodgy car mechanic' impersonation and told him " yep, there's yer problem". "Oh, I didn't notice that" he said worryingly.

It was an unpleasant experience, the rain was unrelenting, it was getting dark, a stream was racing down St Michael's Road and we were more dressed for going to fancy bars than for fixing car. But like the good people that we were, we had to help our friend and so we did.......

... we told him to phone the AA and then went back to the pub.

This was about 8:30. He then met us in a city centre bar at about 11:00pm.

Coming in Your Ears

2007-06-14T18:53:00.000Z

Oh, I almost forgot - time for a shameless plug.

Back when I was a wee bit younger (and I'm only 21 so don't go too far back), my school operated an internal radio station, Radio Grangefield, which basically meant that anyone in the school could go on and inflict their tastes in music on their peers during the designated lunch break.

That was great, but then one of the tutors had a bit of a brainwave. Instead of just having the station running for an hour a day over speakers dotted around the school, they would take the idea to the locals of West Leeds. The Media Studies department then scrapped together around £3000 for a restricted service license, allowing them to use an FM transmitter for a period of 4 weeks.

That was some 10 years ago. Today, the station is going still going strong, and has undergone a major development over the years. From playing vynal records on a small FM modulator, they not have a fully digital set-up, broadcasting live on an RDS FM transmitter and online.

It's far more than a PR stunt for the school as well. It provides a unique experience for the students to pick up skills that academic work just won't teach them. The station is run almost entirely by the students. They produce the programme content, they book studio guests and they sell the advertising space, all of which counts to their portfolios.

And as of this Monday, the station has started broadcasting again. I'd fully recommend you have a listen, either online or, if you're within reasonable distance from Pudsey, on 87.7FM. I don't know how strong the signal is, but I picked it up at the White Rose Centre yesterday if that's any indication.

Oh, and the the promo video on the schools media site (underneath the talent contest clips), that's my handy-work ;)

More arena meetings

2007-06-12T06:32:00.001Z

Leeds City Council love to have to host functions.

It means they can hire out some fancy conference room at a posh city centre hotel, have a flamboyant lunch with some expensive Fair Trade coffee whilst putting it on a decent sized expenses account.

So when you like to have these meetings, open days, conventions or whatever you like to call them, it pays to have a few good excuses for one and at the moment, there's no better excuse than the Leeds Arena, or more to the point, lack of one.

A meeting has also taken place today to discuss the development of the Elland Road site, currently a half-modernised home to an ailing football team, some industrial units and a vast spread of wasteland that gets used as a car park for 25 days of the year next to a motorway. It's a complete eyesore as you approach the city and there are few worse ways of saying 'Welcome to Leeds' as you come downhill from the Pennines.

And it's probably no coincidence that the two 'events' have taken place with just 24 hours between them. The council want an arena, they want to improve the Elland Road site - two birds with one stone. Oh, and Leeds United chairman Ken Bates wants to stick in his two penneth as well.

A city centre location is up for discussion as well, a bloke from London has even offered to pay for one, but when he was sounding out his plans, the council seemed more interested in turning the Town Hall into a world class venue. That bloke seems to have vanished in these parts and I can only assume he got fed up of the heel-dragging from our elected leaders.

Long story short, Leeds doesn't have an arena. It effectively rules the city out of hosting indoor sporting events, conferences and major indoor concerts. Outdoor venues we are well catered for and Leeds has successfully hosted major acts in the past at Temple Newsham, Roundhay Park and Millenium Square. This weekend sees the O2 Wireless Festival at Harewood House and the annual Leeds Carling Festival will be coming to Bramham Park this August Bank Holiday. That's OK when the weather's fine, but when the winter comes, Leeds is very much off the radar, with loiners having to make the trip to either Sheffield or Manchester.

Hopefully, something fruitful has come of all this. Leeds has been crying out for a venue like this, be it just for conferencing and pop concerts, or if it is to also play host to an ice hockey - Sheffield Steelers have been crying out for a proper derby clash. My only worry is that the usual 'feasibility studies' continue for a good few years to come to the point where nobody cares anymore.

A Lazy afternoon

2007-06-10T15:21:00.000Z

With the beautiful weather that fell upon us yesterday, it was rude not to take advantage.

And so what better way of sitting on a hill, with a few beers, watching Bramley Buffaloes beat Gateshead?

Certainly one of the better ways to spend a lazy Saturday afternoon in the sun. Now I just need to nip back outside to enjoy what remains of today's heatwave.

It's going to be even worse than we thought

2007-06-07T18:20:00.000Z

If ever further confirmation were needed that anything of importance in the hands of Londoners is doomed to failure, it came this week as the logo for the London 2012 Olympics was unveiled.

Already over budget, Seb Coe's Olympic kitty is a further £400,000 lighter after turning to a design agency to create the "iconic brand" that "takes our values to the world beyond our shores, acting both as an invitation and inspiration." Of course, because in the UK, we value odd bright pink shapes that don't spell out what they are supposed to spell.

If the logo wasn't pathetic enough in itself, it now emerges that the accompanying video to showcase the logo is guilty of causing epileptic fits. Someone, somewhere, forgot to check that the video could legally be broadcast in the first place. Words fail me.

And this is all before they have even laid a brick. The aquatics centre is already went twice over budget just six months after a bloke from the IOC in Singapore said the word "London" and the overall budget, as estimates stand today, is in excess of £9bn - that's before you factor in any further increases in the cost of steel and other raw materials.

London 2012, before it has even started, is destined to be a bigger disaster than the 1976 games - and it took the citizens of Montreal 31 years to repay that debt.

The "do-nots" of DJing

2007-06-04T19:53:00.000Z

I've already told you about how I found myself in one crap pub last week, well yesterday I found myself in another equally forgettable establishment - this bad pub theme could become a regular feature.

The venue in question happened to be 'The New Inn' in Farsley, commonly referred to as the 'mad-house' by those who accompanied us.

After hearing the place from well over 300 yards away, the scene inside was one of complete amazement and, frankly, horror.
Aside from the shirtless skin-head and the cluster of chain smoking middle-aged women chatting away about Big Brother or whatever crap TV show they watch these days, the more disturbing sight was the sheer number of 61+-year old women who still thought that they could dance like a 21-year old.

But what was even more wrong was the DJ, who committed one of the most appalling acts of Disc Jockey amateurism ever displayed.
Under no circumstances should any DJ play 'Friday I'm in Love" when it isn't Friday. Ever.

The point behind Poker?

2007-06-02T19:44:00.000Z

It doesn't take much persuasion for me to find myself inside an ale house of some variety, so when I was invited to a Pudsey hostelry by an old mate, I didn't stop to ask many questions.

Upon arriving at said establishment, it became clear that the night would not be consisting of numerous drinks, pool and darts but instead, would be featuring eight individuals sat around a green table who would take in excess of one hour to pass around some bits of cardboard and some coloured plastic discs.

It quickly became apparent that this particular venue was part of some "Live Pub Poker League" and that these scenes were becoming increasingly common within those four walls. As a complete novice, I stood well back, but my friend had no intention in explaining to me the intricacies of Texas Hold 'em.

So I sat just over his shoulder, not saying much for fear of distracting him and upsetting the hoard of locals who could tell that I "wasn't from round 'ere". Instead I just watched and nodded as he turned around and told me "that's a good hand, that is" and "he's bluffing, he is".

The game itself is as boring as sin. For reasons I still don't understand, players were dropping out after various rounds and in the end, two players were left to battle it out. My mate actually emerged victorious to take the grand prize of £11 that had been so valiantly fought for. That said, my opinions obviously count for little, Poker is a massive industry and has acquired a global media appeal.

Sky Sports, in fairness, do their very best to sensationalise the whole event. Titles such as "Poker Million Masters" are obviously designed to give the idea of six fat blokes at a table a little bit more of an appeal and sticking heart-rate monitors on the players and having a whole host of graphics appear on screen make for compelling viewing after you get home from the pub at 1:00am.

The pub itself was hardly Pudsey's most upmarket establishment. The choice of beer being limited to nothing worth consumption, the overwhelming prevalence of Burburry clad 17-year-olds and the illegal sale of Eastern-European duty free cigarettes from behind the bar spoke volumes.

Still, these places serve a purpose I suppose.

A rich man's game

2007-05-31T07:58:00.000Z

It doesn't take a genius to realise that the wallets of professional footballers have been overflowing for the best part of 10 years or more.

Since Alan Shearer's record transfer of what now seems a modest £15m to Newcastle United in 1996, the levels of cash coming into the game, particularly in Britain, seems to have rocketed.

Russian billionaires, American tycoons and celebrity publicists have all had an influence in the games financial growth, but the lions share of the credit, if that's how you want to look at it, goes to an Australian media mogul.

At the Premiership's formation in 1992, Murdoch's newly-launched Sky venture paid the FA £191m over the course of five seasons. From the start of the new season, a total of £2.7bn will be paid over the next three years which will cover almost every medium from terrestrial television highlights and live satellite broadcasting to mobile phone clips and delayed online downloading.
The result is that Premier League player wages are tipped to top a collective £1bn a year, with predictions that the first £200,000 a week player is not far away.

The debate will always rage as to whether such individuals are deserving of such salaries but with those numbers in mind, it's worth taking into consideration the current plight of Leeds United. Guardian football writer David Conn has taken a deep enough look at the financial state of the club and the figures make for surprising reading.

As a result of former chairman Peter Ridsdale handing out cash to players as if it had come with a board game, the club are today contenting with a bill of almost £850,000 to be paid to former players - over £216,000 of which will be heading in the direction of Danny Mills, a player who left the club back in 2003.

Unfortunately, the people responsible for the club's current state are far from the losers in this increasingly sorry affair. A local window cleaning business and mobile DJ will be offered just 1p per pound of the £6,800 they are collectively owed whilst the volunteers of St Johns Ambulance will still be expected to attend Elland Road events next season despite being reimbursed just £1.65 of their £165 expenses claim.

It's not for me to argue how much any individual should or shouldn't get paid and I'll be the first to acknowledge that Leeds United is the very extreme of embarrassing financial mismanagement. I voted with my feet a few years ago, I can't justify to myself paying inflated ticket prices to watch badly managed clubs in an industry that frequently rewards underachievement. The "loyalty"argument that many supporters put forward is pathetic. If any other business in any other industry tried to financially milk them as a customer in such an overt manner, they would take their custom elsewhere without a moments thought.

As unlikely as it is to happen, salary caps would be one of the best things to ever happen to British football. The argument that such a system would have to be Europe wide is true, but I'm yet to find a sport in which salary capping hasn't had at least partial success in saving clubs from themselves and making the competition a better spectacle. The unpredictability of American sports is virtue of a cap system, the Australian NRL likewise and British sports have also benefited from such a system.

In the meantime, supporters will continue to complain about rising cost of Sky subscriptions and increased ticket prices to pay for the latest Portuguese superstar. The chances are though, they'll be complaining whilst stood outside the box office, renewal form in hand.

This week I have been mostly...

2007-05-29T10:17:00.000Z

...leaving my job.

After five and a half years of retail and pandering to halfwits in the customer service sector, Sunday saw me leave work with a leaving present of a crate of Stella Artois.

That might be a little unfair, not everyone who walks into a high-street retailer is a complete halfwit, but the ratio seems to be getting further weighted in that direction year upon year.

And so it's time for me to move on. After Thursday afternoon, I'll be liberated from the incompetence of Trinity & All Saints College and moving on to the next step, free from 6:30am Saturday morning starts and with a bit more pocket money to boot.

Like with any change, there's bit that you miss and bits that you won't. In many respects the former outweigh the latter but at the same time, those factors wouldn't encourage me to stay in retail or customer services much longer.

What it might also mean though is that updates on here from this point onwards might be even more sporadic than usual!

(PS, I don't travel home from work in a helicopter)

An open letter to all at Sky Sports News

2007-05-23T09:07:00.000Z

Dear Sky Sports News,

Please be advised that we, the audience, have seen enough of the following:

- Jerzy Dudek's penalty save from Andriy Shevchenko.
- Steven Gerrard's squeaky wailing as he lifts the 2005 Champions League trophy.
- References to how Liverpool came back from 3-0 down against Milan two years ago.
- People queuing in Liverpool John Lennon Airport.
- Statistics on how many planes have left Liverpool John Lennon Airport
- Liverpool fans looking for ticket touts in Athens.
- Features on the bus that was used in Liverpool's 2005 victory parade

Thanks in advance
Michael

You're Fired!

2007-05-21T20:01:00.000Z

Confirmation has come that America's biggest television commercial will finally be pulled from the airwaves, with NBC dropping the reality TV show 'The Apprentice'.

After falling ratings on the wrong side of the Atlantic, Donald Trump's televised job interviews have been axed after six series, three of which have been shown back here in Britain.

It's in contrast to the same show fronted by Sir Alan Sugar in the UK, which has been a massive ratings success, with last year's contest taking a 27% audience share but that's probably down to how much better the UK version is.

The problem with US shows is the gross overuse of product placement. Friends was notorious for it, the American idol judges sit at their desk with bright red Coca-Cola glasses and The Apprentice is also up there as one of the worst culprits in the book.
You only have to look at the not-in-the-slightest-subtle plugs for a host of multinational companies to realise that you are watching a one-hour collection of commercial breaks. Only iRobot and Casino Royale were more obvious.
The UK version is sometimes criticised on similar grounds, even though product placement is forbidden on UK television, but the instances are limited (even if you are able to read the web address on the side of Sir Alan's rented helicopter)

Part of the problem is blamed squarly at TiVo, that TV recording system that only the American's bought, for encouraging the product placement rise.
The one perk with TiVo in the US though is that it can remove the commercial breaks, giving the viewer an ad-free experience without the need to pause and re-start the VCR. That function in the UK wasn't offered. The commercial broadcasters, understandably, refused to support the system because of the already stringent advertising laws.
As a result we quickly realised that paying £300 and then £10 a month for TiVo was a stupid idea and within 3 years, TiVo left us alone to sign up to Sky+.

I've always been a supporter of the BBC and it's public funding. Anyone who isn't would be advised to compare the two shows and still maintain the same opinion. The American's do mke some good TV shows, Friends, Scrubs, The Simpsons, Futurama, Family Guy; the list goes on. They also make some decent TV commercials. Unfortunately, it's sometimes quite hard to tell the difference.

Just because I don't want sauce doesn't mean I come from the planet Zog

2007-05-17T13:38:00.000Z

Buying sandwiches used to be easy. You'd go to the sandwich shop or bakers and they'd make what you want. If you were a sales rep it was even easier - you just bought them pre-wrapped from a petrol station, it was a time of lunch-time bliss.

But then Subway came along and started making things much more complicated.

Firstly, the staff in Subway are called "Sandwich Artistes", which should set the alarm bells ringing straight away. Any firm that considers bread and chicken as an artform is probably best avoided but given that they are littered across Leeds at the moment, it's hard to avoid them.

Queue up in the local bank-esque barrier system and upon reaching the counter, you are presented with a myriad of options. Firstly, there's the bread. You've got Italian, another type of Italian, Wholemeal, Garlic something and something else - all toasted or non toasted.

The the filling - with cheese, without cheese, with bacon, without bacon. By this time you'd be starting to wish you'd not bothered, thinking "I wasn't that hungry anyway".

Then they move you on to another artiste at the 'salads and sauces' desk. My response of "No thanks, just plain for me" is met with complete amazement from the man behind the counter.
"Really?"
"Yes thanks."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"No sauce either?"
"Yes."
"Oh.......OK then."

His face really was a picture.

Buying a sarnie used to be easy. Thanks to Subway, we now have far too much choice. I still don't know what I ended up buying, but it ended up costing me a fiver.

Going Up!

2007-05-15T21:49:00.000Z

An update on yesterday: Farsley Celtic's second successive promotion was sealed in a thrilling final at Burton last night.

After being 1-0 up after just 15 minutes and then 2-1 down with just 15 minutes remaining, a Simeon Bambrook penalty in the 89th minute sealed a 4-3 victory over Hinckley United to put the West Leeds side in the Blue Sq Premiership (that's the Conference in old money).

It's the clubs third promotion in four years (and in the one non-promotion season, they were cheated by a ludicrous FA ruling after Spennymoor went under) and manager Lee Sinnot is justifiably being hailed as the best kept managerial secret in football.

The club are obviously punching above their weight at the present time. The chances of that becoming any sustained period of success at this lofty level is slim with the current infrastructure. The facilities are modest and the supporter base is small - ask anyone of Farsley Town Street directions to Throstle Nest and they'll prbably look at you in a very funny fashion, but there's no lack of effort within the club to make a fist of it next year.

Next year, lets just enjoy rubbing shoulders with the comparative 'big boys'.

The biggest match of the season

2007-05-14T15:45:00.000Z

Forget your Champions League Finals, Premiership relegation deciders and Championship play-offs, the biggest match of the 2006-7 season takes place tonight.

Tonight sees the number one footballing side in Leeds, Farsley Celtic, take on Hinckley United in the Nationwide Conference North play-off final. At a time when our major football club are doing nothing but bring embarassment to the city of Leeds, Lee Sinnot's men could earn their second promotion in as many years should they win at Burton this evening.

Forget all your fancy-dan, multimillionaire superstars in your UEFA 5-star stadia, this is football at its rawest. There'll be no sign of injury feigning and elaborate play-acting, just two teams of eleven blokes trying to beat each other until one of them wins a place in the highest
division of non-league football.

If I could have gone, I would but instead I'll have to be content with Setanta Sports in the supporters club, such is life.

But still we can dream: The right result and we could end up making away days to exotic places like York, Halifax and Weymouth.

Bring it on!

No change?

2007-05-09T07:35:00.000Z

Banks and credit card companies have come up with yet another brilliant idea to part us from our hard-earned.

Realising that they aren't allowed to charge illegal late payment penalties (or at least, get away with it), they're now looking at other ways of getting us to use our cards more and thus, making up for the shortfall.

And here is their latest idea, Touch & Pay.

The idea is pretty simple. If you're one of these people that buys a newspaper, tin of baked beans or a packet of Polo's with a credit card, you won't have to go through the hardship of entering your PIN number or signing your name. Instead, you just wave your card over a "secure scanning device" - probably an RFID chip or something.

It's the latest idea in turning us into a 'cash-less' society where coins become obsolete and where computers can literally track you up and down the high street.
But it's not actually a new idea. Anyone who lived in Leeds in 1997 will probably remember some strange ATM machines popping up with 'Visa Cash' logos plastered all over them. The idea was pretty similar to this "new" system. You loaded money onto the card (think of a pay-as-you-go mobile phone) and then went and spent it on low value goods. It was supposed to be a hassle-free way to buy things without the need for lose change.

It was rubbish. The shops didn't accept it, people didn't get the cards and the trial was a massive waste of everyone's time. In the end, I seem to remember Visa giving away cards with Leeds University ID cards, just so that somebody would actually be able to participate in the trial. A similar thing happened with Mondex, which was an equally big failure.

Needless to say, I can't see how this 'fresh' and 'innovative' idea won't suffer the same fate. People will continue to spend their coins where they please, small retailers won't be best pleased with an idea that encourages needless card use and of course, those "odd tenners" soon add up when the bill turns up.

These people really must try harder.

The female mind

2007-05-08T06:59:00.000Z

You know the scene; you go for a night out and head to a bar in the city centre. The music's playing, you can't hear your mobile phone and come the morning, you get plenty of unjustified stick from someone who tried to call you at 2:00am.

Even if you have your phone in your pocket and set it on vibrate, you still don't realise that it's ringing.

That doesn't work with women though. For some reason, and I can't figure out why, women seem to know exactly when their phones are bleeping away whilst it's stuck at the bottom of their handbag. Presmuably they are all implanted with a bluetooth brain chip at birth - I honestly don't know.

Still, that same ability obviously went AWOL when one of our group realised her phone went missing.

We tried to see the funny side.

Over and out

2007-05-01T12:44:00.001Z

The obituary for Leeds United was finally completed on Saturday afternoon as the club were effectively relegated to the third tier of English football.

United still have the go through the formality of a trip to Derby County this weekend but the reality is that next season Leeds will find themselves slumming it with the mighty Carlisle United, Northampton and Cheltenham Town.

The fall from grace has been a six year story in which the club have been the butt of almost every joke conceivable. It began with an enthusiastic chairman who felt that no price could be put on being Mr Popular, a manager who publicly criticised his players whilst they were sitting at the top of the football tree and then ended with one of the most despised men in football saving the club from financial oblivion.

The finger of blame has pointed in all manner of directions since the club's demise. Ridsdale's financial decisions are what most point to as the start of the road to disaster, O'Leary's book had catastrophic effect on the morale of a team that was arguably the best in the country at that point and a host of unconvincing consortiums and managers couldn't halt the rapid descent down the football ladder.

Ken Bates has since come in, allegedly with the club just two days from liquidation, and has attempted to turn the club around but his methods have been branded madness by those who frequent Elland Road. Ticket prices are now more costly that those found at current Premiership leaders Manchester United, local businesses are being put out of action and the Chelsea connection of Bates, Wise and Poyet has left a bitter taste in the mouth of many.

The future for the club looks bleak. An appeal has been made for investors but their is hardly a long line of local money-men queuing down Elland Road.
The club's assets amount to a handful of players which have limited value between them and the remaining debt of Ridsdale's £100m legacy. The club no longer owns its stadium or training ground, the club's city centre shop has been closed and all that remains of the club for a buyer to purchase is a brand name - and a tarnished one at that. It takes a brave man to pay a seven figure sum for damaged goods and with the 'sold as seen' signs very much on display, many investors will be put off before they get to the initial viewing.

Since 5:30 on Saturday, BBC Radio Leeds has been inundated with callers proclaiming that "we'll be back", but the reality could be very different.

The club will go into pre-season training this coming summer with barely a handful of the players that took to the field this season. 43 players donned the white shirt this term, a statistic that goes some way to explaining why Leeds are just 90 minutes from confirmed relegation barely 12 months after they were 90 minutes from the Premiership. Of the players that are actually contracted to the club, a good few will feel that League One is beneath them and will move on. Healy, Cresswell, Derry, Nicholls, Marques, Blake, Thompson, Flo and of course, the long-serving Gary Kelly will all be looking to the Elland Road exit door in the coming months.

That on its own would be a difficult predicament for any club to find themselves in. Yet with no money to fund new players, Leeds United must not only find a solution, it must do it with increasingly limited resources. One hope is that the youth team will bear fruit and that the likes of Howson and Elliot will be joined by players capable of impressing at the new level. But in the third tier of the game, impressive youngsters soon start to attract the interest of bigger rivals. The 'all new' Leeds United that takes the field in September could well be dismantled come the January transfer window.

Leeds United's fate has been sealed with short-term thinking and throwing money at problems in the hope that they will go away and I fear that, where the situation allows, this will be the case again.

I don't doubt that a club the size of Leeds, in a city the size of Leeds could afford to spend too much time languishing in football's black-hole but at the same time, the fear is that if the solution to the problem involves yet more short-term thinking, then we could be having similar discussions in 24 months time.

Are enviromentalists really that mental?

2007-04-24T09:41:00.000Z

I'm not the world's biggest supporter of environmentalists. I'd rather we did save the whale and stop cutting down the Amazon, but I also like my car and enjoy outdoor lighting. It's fair to say I'm more from Jeremy Clarkson's school of eco-issues than Al Gore's.

There are some great minds that are thinking up great ideas for us to 'go green' and help us save whatever obscure Pacific creature is in the news that week. The hybrid car, LPG, ethanol batteries, wind-up radios and so on.

It's those people we should probably be listening to.

Unfortunately, most people listen to half-wit politicians and celebrities looking to jump on the latest bandwagon than passes by.

Sheryl Crowe seems to think that the key to saving the environment is to cut back on the bog roll.
Like all used pieces of Andrex, I think we all know where this idea should be consigned to.

Look who has an inferiority complex

2007-04-17T19:47:00.000Z

I've always wondered if this 'small town chip-on-the-shoulder' mentality is just something of a myth. Something that's just made up by those in the big city to keep the outsiders firmly in their place.

Well thanks to Stephen Cummings at the Burnley Citizen, the small town inferiority complex is alive and well in one Lancashire village.

I can imagine the discussion with the sports editor in the newsroom now. "Steve, we need you to write something about Burnley FC - you OK with that?"
"That's fine, but what if I write something about Leeds United?"
"But we're more than 45 miles from Leeds."
"Yeah I know, but I can write something about Leeds United."
"But why?"
"I just think it'd be really good."

And as it turned out, what he eventually wrote was a waste of everyone's time. The time he spent in writing it, the time of the people who bought and read the Citizen and the time of the Brazilian bloke who probably cut down the tree in the Amazon to begin with.

It's an opinion piece and, like everyone else, he's entitled to his view. This is one person who just happens to be in a privileged position where he can broadcast his opinions publicly. With that privilege though, there has to be some modicum of effort and reasoning behind it. This is just antagonistic ranting for someone obviously trying to make a name for himself.

We're Rubbish

2007-04-17T17:16:00.000Z

Football, Rugby, Tennis, Athletics...... like with any sport England seems to compete in, we're also rubbish at Cricket.

In a must-win Cricket World Cup match with South Africa in Barbados, we could only muster 154 runs from 48 overs.

Thankfully, the South African innings was soon over and done with, 157 runs on the board in less than half the number of balls.

At least now we can go back to a life with no unjustified optimism and hysteria surrounding our nation's sporting prospects.

What's the next International event that we can be disappointed about? Surely another England football fixture is around the corner?

Party at my place!

2007-04-13T15:43:00.000Z

You've all seen those teen movies, American Pie and the like, where the parents bugger off for a weekend and the kids are left with the house to themselves.

It's obvious what ensues. Pissed up teenagers tearing the house to shreds, police officers bursting through the door and neighbours complaining that they're being kept awake at some unearthly hour by rowdy adolecents. It even happened to Kevin & Perry.

So when you watch those films, you'd have to be pretty naive to advertise the fact that you've got the house to yourself and are holding a party at your gaff on mySpace. Unfortunately for one Durham couple, that's exactly what their 17-year old daughter did. The net result? 200 teenagers converging on one detached house in the North East for one-too-many alcopops.

The house has been turned upside down, with the damaged totalling around £20,000. Various objects, including a wedding dress, have been urinated on and almost every visible surface now looks like the ash-tray from a working mens club.

It was probably one of those "it seemed like a good idea at the time, what could go wrong?" sort of brainwaves. The family are now wanting to move home although I doubt their new address with come with a mySpace connection.

Selective reporting

2007-04-11T08:27:00.000Z

One of those "reports out today" (well, yesterday actually) claimed that the average worker takes around seven days a year off work through 'sickies'.

This survey was done by the Confederation of British Industry (CBI), who are some sort of representative body for business in this country.

It's not surprising to find out that 'sickies' had a link with major sporting events and hot days and the CBI claims that by bunking off, we are collectively costing the economy £13.4bn a year.

But this is where these 'surveys' fall down, because whilst one statistic says that we are all evil for costing our bosses a few quid, they neglect the very opposite views.

Whilst we might take seven days a year from work, we also happen to give back near enough to one day a week (7hrs 6 mins) in unpaid overtime. Over a 45 week working year, that means the economy is actually up by 38 days every year. On that basis, a full-time minimum wage worker gives away almost £1700 in free labour and, by the reckoning of the TUC, the collective £23bn made from these extra hours, still makes businesses £9.6bn better off.

So now you know that, you can now get back to work.

Thank God I do't have to go through that again

2007-04-10T11:01:00.000Z

Finishing Uni this year will have one extra silver lining, which until this morning I had completely erased from memory.

No more will I have to endure the mental torment that is the student finance form. That indignity is now going to befall my younger brother for the next four years.

Like all government forms, it's filled with needless questions and pointless sub-sections designed to confuse even the most hardened of administrators. Not only do they want your name, date of birth, inside leg measurement, favourite Culture Club record and hamster's maiden name, but inside the 423-page booklet you have a myriad of needless questions. I've absolutely no idea why student finance need to know if I'm a member of a religious house of order, but no doubt that information is vital to the eighteen civil servants whose job depends on that very question.

That's one of several things I can't say I'll miss about the higher education system.

A week on public transport

2007-04-08T09:39:00.000Z

As any semi-regular reader might have guessed, I'm not a big fan of First Leeds. There are few companies who treat their customers with as much contempt as this band of incompetents and it's a travesty that they operate almost every single bus service in Leeds.

If they spent just half as much on running their services as they do on PR spin, then the majority of Leeds' transport problems would be solved at a stroke, but that's for another day.

In an effort to increase their monopoly further, they've taken trying to convince the public to ditch their cars so that they can continue to clog up the roads with those stupid purple "ftr" eyesores and so they have taken to producing "the diary of a car quitter". The problem is that it's completely inaccurate.

And so on their behalf, I have taken to rewriting their diary for them.
Step 1: Ensure that your job does not involve any working outside the hours of 9:00am and 5:00pm. Outside these hours, a bus in Leeds is only seen on the changing of the tides. Forget any notion of going out after dark. Working outside the city centre? Good luck!

Step 2: Stand in the cold for a minimum of 11 minutes for your "every 10 minutes" service. Of course, there is no timetable attached to the bus stop and so you have to pay 50p to use the text messaging service. This "instant" message will only be received by you once you have boarded the bus you were seeking information on.

Step 3: Gasp as you realise that the required fare is comparable to that of a 2:00am Friday night mini-cab journey.

Step 4: Upon realising that no seats are available, you find yourself crushed in a steel container between at least two people. One of which will invariably have a body odour problem whilst the other will be a 14-year old playing drum 'n' bass music from a mobile phone speaker. Reminisce about how you used to be able to sit in comfort in an air conditioned car listening to your choice of music.

Step 5: Endure approximately one hour of your stop-start journey encompassing unfathomable diversions through every housing estate in West Leeds. Step 6: Arrive at your destination and vow never to do that again.

I actually think my version is better than First's.

A bit too far

2007-04-05T09:34:00.000Z

Last night's Roma vs Manchester United clash in the UEFA Champions League will, of course, be remembered for all the wrong reasons.

Manchester United supporters clashed with the Polizia in the Olympic Stadium, with UEFA promising to investigate last nights violence.

The overall culprits are up for debate. The focus for most blame at the moment is on the local constabulary and their heavy-handed methods, although it's also fair to say that both clubs have form when it comes to crowd trouble.

I wasn't at the game and, like most, I can only draw my own conclusions from the pictures transmitted to my television set. What I did see though was a member of the Roma riot police beating seven shades of the proverbial out of a Manchester United supporter by repeatidly striking him over the head with a baton whilst he lay semi-concious on the floor. I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions.

But Manchester United's response has brought some cheap, mild amusement to an otherwise serious issue:

Yes, I know......

Travel advice

2007-04-04T09:27:00.000Z

Just a quick question; what's the best way to get to London?

It's no matter of importance, I'd just like to sample a few of it's attractions.

;)

Multi-national conglomerate theme bars

2007-03-31T18:15:00.000Z

Whilst having a night on the town last night, we apparently ended up in a theme bar although I must say, the theme was somewhat lost on me.

Walkabout is allegedly an "Australian" theme bar, in the Northern Quarter of Leeds City Centre and whilst it might just be me, the "theme" doesn't really come across.

Here are the factors that make Walkabout think that they are Australian:

They pretend that beers, brewed 20 miles up the road in Tadcaster, are actually Australian beers.
They have a surfboard on the ceiling.

That was about it. I'm not Australian so I can't really comment on what an "Australian bar" should look like, but the place comes across as more "B&Q" than Brisbane.

Theme bars don't really seem to work. The only one that ever did was probably Big Lil's in Bramley's Yard. The theme their was "So you have given up on life and you want to kill yourself." It was that effective, they shut it down.

Fun with Photoshop

2007-03-29T20:09:00.000Z

Time for a change of style I think. Instead of writing a piece on whatever happens to be in the news on any particular day, I'm going to use my completely novice Photoshop skills. This may, or may not turn out to be a series.

After Snoop Dogg's latest run-in with immigration officials and the cancellation of the UK leg of his latest tour, it was only good and proper that we took the mick a little......

Tee hee hee!

Technology & the elderly

2007-03-27T10:36:00.000Z

There are a few things in life the simply do not mix. Water and electricity, fuel and fire and technology and the elderly.

Yesterday I managed to explain to my grandmother about the digital switchover in which by 2012, any un-upgraded TV set will cease to work. After which, I managed to get her a Freeview box so that she'd be ready by the time Emley Moor's analogue transmitter gets switched off in 2011.

That's still four years away yet but given the huge supply of cheap digital tuners that my firm have managed to get hold of, and the previous track-record of the electrical industry to be able to anticipate demand a key periods, I decided to take advantage of the current over-supply of Freeview recievers.

And yesterday I set it all up, explained how it worked and explained how it would make her life better, mainly because all those god-awful soaps are repeated ad-finatum on ITV2, 3 and 4.

She managed to get the jist of it fairly well, but the morning was more focused on how she should turn the thing off, rather than actually using it.

"Well I'll turn it off for now and use my normal tele, just until I get used to it."
"But you won't get used to it if you don't use it."
"I'll manage but I stick to my normal telly now, how do I turn it off again?"
"Just make sure that red light is on"
"So the red light is good then?"
"No, the red light means it's switched off"
"Yes, I know"
"But if it's switched off, you can't use it"
"Oh........"

I know full-well she won't use it, but at least I tried.

Political campaigning getting harder?

2007-03-23T14:32:00.000Z

With the 2007 Budget been and gone, the political parties are now trying to muscle in on the fact that Labour are getting a bit of bad press. I never thought though, that they would stoop to this.

Just check out the following e-mail I managed to fish out, amongst all the other garbage for improved sexual potency, stock opportunities and barely legal teens (you might have to click the image to make it readable):

Tory viagra eh? You have to wonder if that sort of manifesto will help them rise to the top once more.

Temptation

2007-03-21T10:17:00.000Z

My biscuit barrell has been somewhat fuller in recent weeks, thanks mainly to a decision to change my biscuit buying choice.

It's quite an ingenious money-saving scheme actually. Instead of buying those fancy pre-wrapped things in the supermarket, I've taken to buying Fox's "broken biscuits".

Essentially, it's a box of Batley's finest but those that were deemed not of high enough quality to make it past the production line. Instead, the men at Fox's throw them all in a box and sell them off cheap - dirt cheap. Half of the time they look in pretty good nick as well.

That though, creates a problem. You see, whilst the biscuit tin, brimming to the top is sat their staring at me, I haven't got the will-power to resist. The Jammie Didgers have already gone, what will be next?

I'd better hold back, maybe I can get someone to hide it from me.

Welcome to Wakefield

2007-03-18T19:04:00.000Z

When Peter Kay wrote 'Phoenix Nights', he wanted to characterise a shabby, ramshackle, badly-run, social club in the North of England (Bolton to be precise). What he probably didn't realise is that is writings would just so aptly depict an entire city.

Head south from Leeds and you'll eventually reach a signpost for Wakefield although, unlike Phoenix Nights, it isn't wired into the lamp-post and won't tell you to "pull up into paradise".

Many people have questioned the merits of Wakefield's city status, and Friday night's visit to the city for Leeds' game with the Wildcats hasn't converted me into thinking otherwise either.

Firstly, the city centre completely closes at 5pm and given that have of the retail units have the words "Closing Down" white-washed on them, I don't imagine that it's the hive of activity before that time either. If you want a under-cooked kebab, items costing £1 or a (possibly) stolen mobile phone, then it's probably the place for you but if you actually want something useful, non-poisonous or legal, it's probably best go somewhere else.

Some of those problems can be put down to the neighboring city of Leeds. Many of the locals work in Leeds, a city which has built a heavy proportion of it's economy on retail and the city centre. There has even been talk of Wakefield becoming part of a 'Greater Leeds' district, which would be a bad thing for all involved. Bad for Wakefield, because it would cease to exist and bad for Leeds because it will be the geographic equivalent of growing a hemorrhoid.

Anyway, onto the rugby ground itself. It's a shit hole.
There is literally no other word to describe the venue and when you actually see Belle Vue for the first time, it's no surprise that Wakefield is officially the "worst city for sport" in the UK.
It's crumbling, pot-hole ridden terraces and dangerous exit system make you wonder how the ground gets a safety certificate in the first place and it's missing a few of the 'mod-cons' you might expect to find at any mid-table Unibond North League football ground such as roofs, draught beers and a scoreboard (although one helpful chap does put numbered cards onto a hook if you happen to lose count.)

Throughout the game, the PA operator couldn't get the hang of making the music system play at the right time to perform some pathetic jingle for Wildcats player Jamie Rooney and the constant yelling of "MAKE SOME NOIIIIIIIIISE!" over the tannoy soon got irritating.
Needless to say, the 'Belle Vue experience' is one that is endured rather than enjoyed.

So after that experience, onwards to sample some of that Wakefield night-life that we'd heard so much about and yet again, it proved to be an anti-climax.

Walking along the famous 'Westgate run', we encountered nothing but half-empty chain bars, seedy heroin houses and boarded up boozers. The 'place to be' on a Friday night in Wakefield appeared to be Flares, which tells you more or less everything else you need to know.

One person on the trip described the town as a "poor man's Bradford", I'm not sure if a more derogatory statement has ever been made.

The Atlantic is not wide enough

2007-03-15T16:59:00.000Z

After buying out the Salford Quays Buccaneers, the Birmingham Villans and the Liverpool Stealers, the American's are plotting their next move in the mission to takeover British Soccerball.

The Football League will meet to discuss the proposal of abolishing "draws" from the Football League.

Instead of having a 1-1 stalemate with the points being shared, the proposal is to hold a penalty shoot-out should the teams be deadlocked after 90 minutes. Both teams would still be guaranteed the point, just as they are now, but the winners of the penalty shoot-out will take home an extra point.

You don't need me to tell you which country this crackpot theory has come from.

The supporters of the idea claim that such a system would make games more open and exciting, which would be no bad thing, had this not been the most senseless way of going about it.

Take the current system. At the moment it's not uncommon for teams to play out for a point against better opposition. It's not nice to watch but it's a necessary evil of the modern game. Now take the new idea, which is essentially encouraging these same tactics by potentially doubling the points on offer to the side using negative tactics.

And it gets worse when you here noises that this scheme would involve the "American style" shoot-out. Under the Yank's arse-backwards system, the action doesn't take place with a single strike from the infamous 12-yard spot, but way back to the half-way line. Said player than has 10 seconds to dribble unopposed to the goalmouth and attempt to score. It's a stupid system and the man who invented it should locked away in a dark room in the interests of public safety.

Remember those Budweiser adverts that were doing the rounds a few years back....

..how much of a joke did you think they actually were?

Do Virgin know something that I don't?

2007-03-13T14:26:00.000Z

Sir Richard Branson, owner of the Virgin group, is no stranger to interesting marketing campaigns - it's how he's built his entire fortune.

His mobile phone company - just a name. His coke - the same. His cable television network - just ntl:telewest in drag. OK, so he might own a few record shops, gyms and Boeing 747's, but essentially he has built the Virgin name into something that people instantly recognise.

But today he's got me a bit puzzled, with this thing dropping on my door mat this morning:

Apparently, my street is getting sexier. I have to disagree with him.

Given that most of the residents around here are of middle-age upwards and given that the nice bird down the road has just moved out, I just understand Mr Branson's logic.

Or perhaps there's more to Virgin's 'on demand' service than I first thought? ;)

Clocking-off

2007-03-09T13:10:00.000Z

With my credit card about to expire, those lovable folk at HSBC made sure that there was no delay in making sure that my replacement card was popped in the post, arriving more than a month before my current one expires.

As a security measure, these days you can't just open the envelope and start using your card at your whim. Instead, you have to "activate" it. This is done, according to the sticker on the front, by calling a phone number.

Now with almost any banking system these days, the phone is answered by a computer. The robotic voice tells you to press a variety of numeric combinations, some of which I've probably guessed, and within a few minutes, your card is ready to increase the profits of one of the biggest banking organisations in the world.

That would all be absolutely fine and normally, I wouldn't have thought twice, but what caught my attention was the small print under the phone number.

"Lines open between 8:00am and 10:00pm"

May I suggest to HSBC that they change their IT supplier if they have a series of computers that are unable to answer telephones overnight. No doubt they'll probably tell me that using "environmentally friendly computer systems" that clock-off daily is another one of their "initiatives aimed at improving customer service", just like withdrawing their monthly statement service.

A futile exercise

2007-03-07T09:14:00.000Z

The police spotlight has recently fallen on the issue of 'on-the-spot' penalty notices and the fact that they don't really work.

Before, if you were caught shop-lifting or smashing up a bus shelter, the police (if they could be bothered) would haul you into the back of a transit van, keep you in the cells overnight and then parade you before the magistrates the next morning.

The problem with such a policy is that firstly, it's an expensive procedure for what is commonly regarded as a 'minor' crime and secondly, it wasn't very effective. Shoplifting has for a long time held the dubious title of having the highest re-offending rate of any crime.

A common mis-conception is that shop-lifters are all "kids doing it for a dare" a surprisingly large amount of visitors to the store I work at are actually shocked when you tell them that 'professional' shoplifters work in Leeds, or any major town or city for that matter. Most are fuelling a drug habit, others actually do it as a lucrative career, where the chances of being caught are slim and the rewards are potentially very handsome.

So anyway, instead of dragging these scroates in court, the police now have the power to issue a fixed penalty of £80 to any offenders caught committing these misdemeanors. The problem is that these tickets aren't providing the 'deterrent' that our elected leaders thought they would. In 2004, just over 2,000 fiunes were handed out to shoplifters. In 2005, that figure rocketed to almost 22,000 and for the first six months of 2006, almost 17,000 tickets hand been issued - that figure doesn't yet factor in the "busy" shoplifting period of December.

Now you could say that those figures merely mean that more people are getting caught rather than the number of shoplifters actually rising. Either way though, it's hardly good reading if your bonuses are getting eaten into because of it.

For retailers, it's a thankless task. Security systems are limited, the effectiveness of CCTV is diminishing, cuts in staff budgets mean that the human presence is barely off-putting and human rights legislation mean that getting a known criminal 'banned' from a store is a futile exercise. All we as retailers can hope for is that legislation makes it more and more difficult for the thieves. With that unlikely to happen anytime soon, it's you and I that will end up paying for it.

Stop laughing, it's not funny.

2007-03-05T13:33:00.000Z

Some of you (not those of you on Virgin Media) may watch that Football soap-opera "Dream Team" on the TV, which attempts to completely fabricate and sensationalise the going's on inside a professional football club.

In just one episode of the said programme, you could expect to find the club to be constantly in debt, have players getting arrested, managers getting sacked, a revolving door to the chairman's office, crap players coming on loan from far-off countries, a relegation or two, several heavy defeats, players giving away team details to the opposition, a chairman publicising an ex directors name and address and a captain that doesn't want to play for the club anymore.

Now, you would all dismiss that story plot as ridiculous. No football club is that badly run. Well, almost no club is that badly run.

It was only May 8th 2001 when Leeds United were knocked out of the Champions League semi-final by Juan Sanchez's hand of god. Since then, bad planning by a chairman with the world's largest overdraft, players in the dock and a destructive book written by an inexperienced manager have led to debts mounting up, relegation from the Premier League, with the club now biding their time on the Championship's death row.

All of that would make a fantsatic television programme in itself but after Saturday's defeat to Sheffield Wednesday it emerges that captain Kevin Nicholls, the man who said in Saturday's programme notes “We are all in this together and we believe we’ll get out of this. I’m not just saying it for the sake of it,” wants to dive head first into the lifeboat.

The future is certainly bleak for the club. Even when next season comes around and the wage bill drops dramatically, the club will still have to look behind the sofa and raid the kids piggy banks if they are going to assemble anything resembling a squad for next season. The club have used a staggering 41 players, many of them loan signings and even with the players that are contracted to the club, the overall financial valuation is minimal.

You could say that relegation would be a blessing in disguise. Manchester City suffered a similar fate not too long ago, used the opportunity to rebuilt the club from the foundations upwards and have now cemented themselves as a Premiership club once more.

At Elland Road however, it may be more complex than that. With crowds further dwindling and the financial viability of the club becoming even more questionable, the future looks exceedingly bleak.

McMobile

2007-02-28T11:02:00.000Z

Remember when mobile phones first started to hit the shelves? I bet back then, most of you emphatically said "I don't need one of those things!"

Sooner or later, most of us probably thought "Well, I guess it might be useful in emergencies..." and today, you've probably got loads - most of them old phones stuffed in a drawer somewhere. You're probably even fiddling with it right now.

There's quite a lot you can do with mobile phones these days. You can sent text messages, photos, videos, play music, play video, buy ring tones, surf the internet, get train times and download football results. You can even use them to make telephone calls, apparently.

Well now, you can even pay for a Big Mac with one, provided you are Japanese anyway.

Now you could say that this sort of thing is convenient. You don't have to scramble around for change and it will be a swift, seamless transaction.
You could also argue that this is yet another example of how marketers are looking to turn us all into a cashless society, making it easier for them to electronically tag what we eat, when we eat it and when we eat. Still, I suppose I'm paranoid like that. ;)

Anyway, we should all be avoiding McDonald's, Prince Charles has told us to.

A disaster waiting to happen

2007-02-24T20:29:00.000Z

You can never trust cockneys with anything, especially when it comes to relying on them to organise one of the biggest sporting events in the World.

Ever since Seb Coe bleated on about hosting the Olympics, getting youngsters into sport and the "legacy", the bills have been mounting up.

No sooner had the ink on the contract dried, the swimming pool had suddenly doubled in cost, then the organisers somehow forgot that they would have to pay VAT and now it's thought that the actual cost of hosting the games could reach a staggering £9bn.

So anyway, now the opposition have called for someone to be employed to watch the spending. Presumably they would just sit there watching numbers on a computer screen count up and up but anyway, it must be good work if you can get it.

Oh, but the "legacy", the "legacy" cries Lord Coe.
Well Sebastian, given the shocking state of our Amateur sports facilities, the government's London centric thinking and a complete lack of financial nous, the only "legacy" of the 2012 Olympics will be a crippling debt.

Why we need the licence fee

2007-02-21T21:51:00.000Z

Next year, we'll all be paying slightly more for our TV licence, a piece of paper that costs £131.50 and keeps our national public service broadcaster up and running.

Now the sheer fact that you have to buy this piece of paper should you happen to own any equipment capable of receiving television transmissions doesn't always go down well with certain sections of the general public and it certainly doesn't go well with any media organisation that isn't the BBC (apart from Channel 4 perhaps).
Their argument is that the BBC, like any other business, should be self-sufficient, relying on advertising rather than a public subsidy and perhaps more crucially, be able to operate at a profit.

And it's that latter point that is responsible for the current the mass media slump.
We the consumer have more choice than we have ever had. The established and traditional mediums are seeing increased competition from digital broadcasting and online rivals. Media services now cater for every possible interest, community and niche market and that's just fine.
But that has it's problems. With all these niche markets, advertisers can pick and choose where they aim their products. Got a power drill to sell? Why advertise on ITV when there's a dedicated DIY channel with exactly the sort of viewer you want to speak to?
The net result? Advertising revenue within the mainstream media has plummeted. Overall, television advertising has fallen 3%, with ITV sales dropping by 11%. Google UK now makes more in advertising sales than Britain's biggest independent television broadcaster. The story isn't any brighter in radio.

With the drive for profit not yielding, costs need to be slashed and that has meant quality being sacrificed for quantity. Saturday night is a prime example. Unless you want to watch a talent show of some variety, you're pretty much stuck. Last Saturday's offering included, as far as I could decipher, a contest to see who could fold themselves in half in the most stupid manner possible.

The drive to cut costs has eventually led to the new 'Jack Radio' format kicking off. The idea started in the US and literally involves plugging an iPod into a radio transmitter and .....erm........er.......going home. No DJ's, no talk, just the iTunes collection of a complete stranger.
The worst part is, it's now crossed the Atlantic and heading to Oxford. Many have heralded this as the death of the DJ and have proclaimed that rather than video, it'll be the Internet that kills the radio star.

It's this very idea that means we should still keep the BBC as a public service. Let's just assume that those "privatise the Beeb" mob get their wish. You can say goodbye to BBC local radio for a start. Radio Leeds has seen it's budget cut in recent years and one of their presenters has told me before that they are literally having to fight for more cash from Wood Lane, just to stop themselves from becoming another Radio Aire or Galaxy. There's no way that Radio 4 would continue in it's current form and Radio 1's 'Newsbeat' would soon disappear. OK, it's not exactly hard-hitting journalism, but as an informative piece, it is very effective in delivering to it's audience. No commercial independent, with the same target audience, does anything to rival that.
The BBC website, regarded as the most respected and comprehensive in the world, would soon become a classified publication of online casino and 'shoot the duck to win an iPod' banners.

TV programmes would suffer a similar fate.
"wastes" a monumental amount of film in pursuit of the perfect programme. A typical programme works on a 20:1 ratio. For every 20 minutes of film shot, one minute makes it on screen. Top Gear uses nowhere near that ratio. It uses an estimated 500:1 ratio. Commercially, it's completely You'd never for instance, get a show like Top Gear on a commercial channel, it's just two expensive. The estimated £500,000 per episode cost doesn't tell half of it. The real story runs on it's filiming ratio.
A typical programme runs roughly on a 20:1 ratio. For every 20 minutes that you shoot, one minute makes the airwaves. For Top Gear, to get one minute into the final cut can take a staggering 500 minutes of tape. Commercially, that's just not viable.

As for the BBC's remit to entertain, educate and inform, when was the last time you saw anything educational or informative on ITV? Scrub that, when was the last time you saw anything entertaining either?

Still, if you don't like it, you can still keep handing £50 every month to Rupert.

Are these two still on TV?

2007-02-20T09:56:00.000Z

The major outcry this week has been over yet another premium-rate phone swindle, courtesy of Channel 4.

Not content with taking mug Big Brother viewers for a ride, Richard & Judy have apparently been in on the act as well.
Actually, before I get sued for libel, they claim that they haven't been in on the act at all. Instead they've apparently just been pawns in an evil Channel 4 chess analogy and even then, given that the investigation was undertaken by the Mail on Sunday, the claims are most likely just complete bollocks anyway.

But the more pressing question isn't just about a few half-wits trying to phone a £1-a-minute phone line believing that they can overcome monumental odds and get through to the big money, the more pressing matter at hand is the ask why Richard & Judy are still on TV in the first place?

Richard & Judy were the personification of traditional family values. They were seen as everything that was right with Britain. A TV couple that are rarely seen away from each other, ever since they presented 'This Morning' for what seemed like 200 years, along with that weatherman who got his kicks by jumping between some floating islands in Albert Docks.

But despite the fact that their fame is more to do with their image than any actual television ability, they've been on TV long enough to get into trouble before.

In 1994 'This Morning' producer Granada hit with a hefty fine for product placement, after the pair plugged a host of major brands. Come 1999, they'd still not learnt their lesson after viewers complained at heavy plugging on 'The Lion King 2' and viewers complained again in 2003 as the couple tried to peddle their book. In 2005, Ofcom issued another fine for yet another product placement offence.
Channel 4 themselves are, of course, no stranger to misleading viewers into phoning premium rate call centres, so I won't go on any more about them.

But regardless of what, if anything, have gone on with the Richard & Judy show, they're a tired brand. The 'You Say,We Pay' contest is yet another Channel 4 game show which pays out thousands of pounds for absolutely zero skill. If you've seen Ross Noble's 'Randomist' you'll know exactly what I mean (and it's a great DVD, I think you should see it).

For Richard & Judy to step away from C4 now would probably be construed as an admission of guilt, but they're well past their sell-by date and should step-back sooner rather than later.

Sir, we salute you!

2007-02-17T20:36:00.000Z

Today we pay tribute to a modern great, a man who has changed the lives of millions all around the world and a man who made it much easier to avoid ever having to watch shITV.

Rest in piece Mr Robert Alder, inventor of the television remote control, who died today aged 93.

May your legacy live on.

Huzzah!

2007-02-16T10:13:00.000Z

Good news everyone, and it's come from the world of sport.

England manager Steve McLaren has declared that the number of friendly games being played by England will be cut, from 20 to 18 in a four year period, starting in 2008.

Now you might think that such a move would be a bad one. Surely with less games, our players would have less time to get together and prepare for yet another fruitless assault on the World Cup or European Championships?

But no, far from it. In fact it's a moment of genius from the boffins at the FA. From now on, we'll see much less of the most mind-numbingly boring football team to watch in the world on our TV screens and it might even mean two weeks less of unjustified tabloid hype.

Happy Days!

It's nearly here

2007-02-15T09:59:00.000Z

What is possibly Labour's only positive contribution to anyone is not far from coming into force.

From July 1st, it will be illegal for the nation's ignorants to shamelessly blow acrid smoke directly into people's faces in pubs, clubs and restaurants - and I can't wait.

To remind us of the fact, we're being told that £30m is being spent on an army of enforcers who will be dishing out £50 to anyone who resembles a chimney after that date. But whilst I fully support the smoking ban, I don't really think that £30m is what is needed to control such measures.

The smoking ban will, by and large, be self policing. With landlords not wanting to risk their license, smokers will quickly find themselves unwelcome in most of the countries establishments. I'd be pretty certain in saying as well that the council chiefs waiting to hand out a plethora of yellow slips of paper won't be venturing out to a local boozer on a working class council estate and instead, they'll be focusing their attention on the already secure bars and clubs in the city centre and student districts, where internal security staff will most likely be on high alert as soon as the clock approaches midnight on June 30th.

Some pubs, I have no doubt, will ignore the ban. There's one I frequent occasionally and I'm confident in claiming that I'm the only non-smoker in their on any given night. The thought of walking into there and finding 100+ 40-a-dayers without a white stick between their fingers just seems too surreal, but we shall wait and see.

All we can do now is look forward to the day. I might even put on of those counter things on here if I can find one.

Welcome to America

2007-02-13T20:10:00.000Z

The United States of America: Land of democracy, choice and freedom of expression.

That is of course, provided that you aren't a homosexual democrat living in Alabama who isn't partial to Country & Western or Nascar, as proved by the BBC's brilliant Top Gear programme.

Now for a bit of partiality, Jeremy Clarkson is to Anglo-American relations what Margret Thatcher was to trade unions. The programme has told us time and time again that the Americans can't build cars. They can't go around corners, they have stupid buttons in stupid places and their interiors are made of of plastic thinner than tissue paper.
Add to that the multitude of jokes about fat people and gun-wielding manics, and you can see that Clarkson and Co are hardly the greatest diplomats.

So when they drive around the deep south with $1000 cars emblazoned with offensive slogans, they got exactly the reaction they wanted. They made the locals look like the inbred, small minded fools that so many movies portray them to be and the producers made a very good programme whilst doing it.

Sunday's episode was perhaps the funniest Top Gear ever broadcast. The programme is often criticsed from various quarters, those who complain they only show an interest in £120,000+ super cars, the tree huggers who dislike anything more technologically advanced than an Amish butter churner and those who claim the show is obsessed with speed, concerns that reared their head again after presenter Richard Hammonds miraculous escape from a 280mph crash in York.

For 50 minutes, the show was basically three lads mucking about with cars and having a good laugh, which is probably the main appeal of Top Gear. Yes it has a role as a consumer focused programme and does cover plenty of "normal" cars in it's programming, but it's that 'laddish' approach that makes the programme so original and is the very reason why 5-6m people watch it every week.

But despite the jokes and pranks, the drive through a completely destroyed New Orleans, fully 12 months after Katrina had blown though, saw the shows serious side and it was a fitting touch to give their cars away to the less fortunate.

Yes, the show has it's critics. The presenters might prefer to test drive an Aston Martin rather than a Hyundai Accent, yes they might not like speed cameras but it's still a thoroughly enjoyable programme and long may it continue.

Let's have a debate

2007-02-12T11:04:00.001Z

Transport Minister Douglas Alexander has today decided that we need a 'debate' on the proposed idea of road charging.

The idea is simple: Every car in the UK will have a tracking device. It will know what roads you drive on, when you drive on them and, it will know how fast you are going.
You are then sent a bill every month based on the mileage you do in that month. The 'clever' bit though is that you will pay more per mile for using congested roads at congested times. Drive down a country lane a 2:00am on Sunday morning and you'll pay about 4 pence a mile. Drive on the M621 at 8:30am on Monday morning and you'll pay £1.40 for sitting in traffic.

OK it's not a simple idea at all, it's a stupidly complicated idea and most of the revenue will be lost in administration costs, but our glorious leaders think that it will cut congestion and fix the hole in the o-zone layer.

Now quite what Douglas Alexander thinks he'll achieve by having this 'debate' I'm not entirely sure. Call me naive, I'd say that having more than one million signatures on a Downing Street petition against the idea is probably enough to gauge public opinion.

You could argue that the whole idea is a non-issue anyway. I mean with 14m motorists in the UK, no political party in their right mind would alienate about 50% of the electorate. That assumes our political party leaders are in a fit state of mind however.

Road charging isn't that uncommon already. Most major river crossings are now toll roads, the imaginatively named M6Toll is one as is all of Central London. We've got two in Yorkshire, the well-known Humber Bridge, which costs £2.60 to use, and the not very well known Aldwark Bridge, which costs bugger all because nobody knows where Aldwark is.

The most likely way of charging motorists to use the roads will eventually be congestion charges like those in London and Leeds has got that covered as well, or at least, we used to.

As part of the "Supertram deal", Leeds put itself forward to pilot the trial for congestion charges. As a result cameras and detecting equipment was erected on all major routes in South Leeds, tracking every number plate that entered the city with volunteer vehicles also having RFID sensors fitted in them.
Whilst it was merely a trail, HM tax collector could easily start sending out bills to West Yorkshire's motorists, just with the flick of a switch.
Anyway, when the Supertram idea was chucked in the waste paper bin and when the council realised that about £45m had been wasted, the cameras came down in a defiant two-fingered salute back to Westminster.

Of course, I could all go on about how road charging wouldn't be so bad if we all had an alternative to driving but I don't want to be responsible for blocking the blogger server.

Is a Vodafone mobile better than a PC?

2007-02-07T14:43:00.000Z

Vodafone have announced that they have developed a service that will allow their customers to access and edit their myspace profiles from their mobile phone.

This is indeed groundbreaking technology. Mobile Internet has been around for many years, but isn't the sort of thing people have embraced. Instead, operators have focused on MMS, 3G and all the other gubbins.

But it's nice to know that someone, somewhere, has developed something that can actually make myspace profiles even remotely legible.

Myspace pages are renowned for being completely unreadable. In fact, even their homepage currently has 158 html errors, lord only knows what would happen to the W3C if you put some of myspace's profile pages in there. America's biggest computers magazine, PC World, named myspace as number one in their "25 worst websites" for similar reasons?

I mean honestly, could you imagine having this or even this profile on your mobile phone screen?

You could quite easily view mine though ;)

Happy Safer Internet Day

2007-02-06T08:25:00.000Z

If you hadn't known already, today is 'Safer Internet Day'.

It's the day when we are all supposed to stay safe on the Internet. The other 364 days we can be as dangerous and reckless as we like, give our telephone numbers to strangers on MSN and post photos of ourselves on funny looking websites but not today, oh no sirree.

And on this momentous day, our glorious leaders have thought of a new way to track down Internet sex offenders.

They think that by making registered offenders hand other their e-mail address and website aliases to the authorities, they'll be able to track down these criminals.

It's just a shame that there's a pretty simple way around it.

Our government really must try harder.

The problem with American sports

2007-02-05T09:33:00.000Z

American sports can be quite stupid sometimes, which is why nobody else plays them. That doesn't have to be a bad thing though.

Ice Hockey is a good laugh and American Football is a pretty good game as well, once you've learnt how it works.
But watching last night's Super Bowl showed just how much was wrong with American sport.

At this time of year, the statistic that a 30-second advert costs $2.7m is always mentioned and if you are the broadcaster of the Super Bowl, you're going to milk it. The net result is that a 60 minute game of "football", is transformed into a 6-hour QVC presentation.

Watching it was laughable at some points:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, here come the teams.....we'll be back after these messages.....we're back, here's the national anthem sung by Billy Joel......come back after the break......now, here's the coin toss (with each team having four captains for some reason).....now a word from our sponsors.....now, here's the kick-off..[14 seconds].. Touchdown!....commercial break".

Now if you are American, these breaks would be punctuated by brand new, state-of-the-art adverts from Pepsi, Burger King and a host of other multi-national conglomerates.
That creates a problem for British broadcasters. In a civilised nation such as ours, broadcasters aren't allowed to inflict 6 hours worth of commercials on us. So when they've used their allowed 'quota' of commercials, they've still got a lot of time to fill.
So instead of seeing the latest flame-grilled whopper, I had to listen to Don Johnson talking about the game, despite that fact he didn't know much about football but happened to be in Miami Vice back in the 80's, or I'd have the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders telling me what would happen if I pressed the red button. Thankfully the game wasn't forced to kick-off at some stupid time because of another sponsorship deal.
Product placement isn't allowed either and I'd be pretty certain that if you sat an American down in front of BBC4, his head would cease up because the programme wouldn't have big trucks and explosions in it and nobody would tell him which beer to drink or which underwear brand to buy.

In the end, I fell asleep. Not because the game was boring - far from it. I fell asleep because it went on too flaming long. Apparently, the Colts beat Chicago - well done Colts

My Sportingo Debut

2007-02-02T08:50:00.000Z

After getting an e-mail a few months back inviting me to sign up to Sportingo, I've eventually got round to putting an article up.

It's my preview to the new Super League season which kicks-off on Sunday (one of a couple on there) and you can read it here.

Shop till you drop

2007-02-01T09:15:00.000Z

Consumer magazine Which? has announced the results of it's 'High Street survey' and it doesn't make good reading for many of the countries big names.

The survey considers everything that they feel the modern shopper might experience and what might influence their buying decision; price, product range, layout, customer service and staff knowledge.
Electrical retailer John Lewis has emerged top of the pile (although I have yet to see a John Lewis store in my life) whilst at the bottom is sportswear retailer JJB Sports.

I had the misfortune of visiting the said store only two weeks ago. My task was simple, some football socks and some shorts - how hard could that be? Very actually.
JJB Sports is actually quite unique in that despite it being a 'sports' shop, no sports equipment is to be found. Ask the 16-year old assistant for a cricket box or rugby shoulder pads and he'll think you've dropped down from Mars, ask him for the latest chav trends however and he'll happily oblige.

It's no surprise as well to find the three DSG stores in the lower regions. PC World, Currys and Currys.digital are all in the bottom seven of the survey, being much criticised for their staff.
That's one bone of contention with me though. I've said before, that most customers walk into a store (especially an electrical one) and expect to be able to speak to an expert on whatever subject they happen to throw up. Quite simply, it doesn't work like that.

Experts don't work on a Saturday afternoon for £5.50 an hour. They don't work in Dixons or PC World and generally speaking, they prefer not to work with the general public. The "pay peanuts - get monkeys" saying rings true when it comes to any industry, retail is no different.
I've experienced this first hand - it happens in the retailer I happen to be at (none of the above mentioned). Occasionally, you'll get one or two bright sparks. Probably someone who is going through a University course or has just left education and using the job as stop-gap before starting his career. Obviously, those people don't hang around for long.
It used to be that we'd hand all potential employees a test. If they passed the test then they got the job but that created more problems than it solved.
The only people who tended to pass were those with degree's, NVQ's or various other qualifications. After three months, those people would be long gone and whilst we used these tests on new applicants, our staff turnover almost tripled. As much as we wanted to keep those people, we just couldn't.

It'd be easier to say "well just pay staff more" or "train staff" but it's not as simple as that. In an ideal world, that would happen but in an ideal world, you wouldn't have shareholders, investors and directors hounding you to maintain profit and sales targets.
Staff training just doesn't happen. It's expensive, time consuming and in an industry where products turn over quickly, it's pointless. B&Q famously admitted as such and if you dug far enough, you'd find that other retailers are exactly the same.

That's one reason why Internet shopping has grown. When making your purchasing decision, you have a wealth of information, reviews and price comparison quite literally at your finger tips. In a shop, you're having to rely on a teenager reading a catalogue.

The survey has it's merits and Which? is a very well respected publication. But it's telling that only five out of the 50 stores in the survey scored more than 50% for customer service. That's just how the industry (on the whole) is I'm afraid.

Something amazing has just happened....

2007-01-31T08:33:00.000Z

..Leeds United have won a league game!!!!!!!!

After last night's 2-1 victory at Hull, Leeds have now gone from 23rd place in the league table to..........24th.

Oh, and good to see Dean Windass was true to his word - Bwahahahahahahaha!

I'm off to buy a lottery ticket before this good feeling goes away!

Return of the Rugby

2007-01-27T20:58:00.000Z

Friday nights are back! Last night saw what, for me at least, was the unofficial start of the new Rugby League season.

With the change to summer rugby, with the season starting in February (Rugby League does unusual things like that), the pre-season campaigns are already underway.
Most clubs so far have run a few friendly games, but mainly involving the academy players. Last night however, Leeds' first team took on their Huddersfield counterparts at Headingley.

The game was a joint testimonial game (Rugby League does funny things like that) for Paul Reilly, who was celebrating 10 years service at Huddersfield, and Keith Senior, who wasn't celebrating 10 years service at Leeds.

Senior had instead been awarded a 'four month' testimonial (Rugby League does funny things like that) "for services to the game". To date he is the only player to have played in every year of Super League, is the Super League top appearance and try scorer and has been a Great Britain regular. His testimonial was fully deserved.

Over the testimonial period, the players essentially try and raise as much money as possible and a nice little kitty. Some donate the money to charity, others use it as a way of funding a career away from the game. They'll usually hold a dinner event, golf day, release a special edition shirt and hold their own benefit game - hence my attendance at Headingley yesterday.

In essence, a testimonial game is an opportunity for the marketing men to dress up a pre-season kick about as something much more important. Aside from the extra fanfare before and after, they're pretty run-of-the-mill.

Anyway, Leeds won 50-0. They scored some cracking tries (especially given it's pre-season) and on this form, will challenge anyone, expect it's Leeds we're talking about, so the form will probably last until the last two months of the season.

The Super League season kicks off proper next week, with Huddersfield playing St Helens in Round 3 (Rugby League does funny things like that). At least I'll have something to update The One Pointer with.

Uninformed Technology

2007-01-27T20:19:00.000Z

The Times have been carrying a few pieces this weekend about how our roads are very dangerous places to be.

In the UK, we all vehicles have to display a small disc in the corner of the windscreen which, for cars, can cost anything between £50 (discounting exempt cars) and £215 a year depending on how much your vehicle harms the local wildlife.

But last year, almost 2.2million people, twice as many as two years ago, didn't bother to purchase the said disc. Now ordinarily, that wouldn't be that big a deal. The only people that would be harmed is HM tax man, and we've got no sympathy for him.
But when it comes to car tax, it becomes a bit more serious. The problem with that is that the tax disc is the primary, ney, only method of proving that a vehicle is insured and has undergone an MOT where necessary, meaning that if there's 2million vehicles that aren't registered and taxed on the DVLA database, then there's probably more than 2million uninsured drivers on our roads as well.

That's bad news for the likes of you and me, who are thought to pay an extra £30 on our premiums to cover for claims involving uninsured motorists and it's even worse news if you're rear-ended by one of the aforementioned group.

But why the increase? Simply, there are less traffic police officers on our highways and byways. Less officers means less chance of getting caught and goes some way to explaining recent rises in drink driving incidents convictions as well. Reduce the chance of getting caught and you immediately reduce the risk.
The Government defends this by saying that technology is able to reduce the workload of traffic officers, and by 'technology', they mean speed cameras, and that this allows them to be deployed elsewhere.

They perhaps haven't realised the pit-falls of such a scheme. Such technology relies on information. Every legally registered car is on a database in Swansea.
So lets say you are photographed by a so-called "safety camera". The camera takes a photograph of your motor and it's unique ID number. Some bloke then comes along, empties the camera film and punches that number into a super-secret computer. The computer then gleefully spits out your name, address and various other nuggets of information about you and your car. The £60 fine is sent out to you - job done.

But take your unregistered cars. Type that number into the same super-secret computer and it'll knock it straight back. The offender gets then gets away with not only driving an illegal vehicle, but also the traffic offence.

The powers that be are determined to tackle the problem and have announced 'new technology' to catch out the offenders, so lets simplify this:
They have information that is flawed...... which means that the technology doesn't work..... so they bring in new technology..... but the new technology relies on information..... but the information is...... Oh I give up!

Don't Panic!

2007-01-25T19:11:00.000Z

Shocking news this week. If you're not aware, the trial of the would be 21'st July bombers (I refuse to use that stupid americanised 21/7 term) is going on this week.

They're the people who allegedly attempted to set of explosions on London's tube and bus networks, only to see their devices fail.

Anyway, it emerges today that the sight of seeing a raving lunatic trying to detonate a bomb on a packed commuter train is enough to "cause panic".

I know, I was shocked too. People panicing in a dangerous situation. Whatever next?

Not under my (sun)roof

2007-01-23T18:02:00.000Z

The local Leeds rag, the Yorkshire Evening Post, is famous for taking the side of the city's half-wits and attention seekers and on today's front page, it's standard fare.

The local media have been sympathising with this family who it's claimed have been "forced" to live in a Ford Mondeo.

It's the term "forced" though that is not only emotive, but completely innaccurate. The family have been on the council accomodation list with Leeds City Council and have gone through the system like many thousand others.

So by being in such a system, it's hard to see why they have ended up living in a car, parked up on whatever side-street they can find.

The problem is that they have been offered a home on Broadlea Hill in Bramley, but refused the property. Bramley is one of the areas focused on as part of the new "Respect" initiative and the Broadlea estate isn't exactly the most pleasent area of the city. Whenever there's a story on the local news about ASBOS's, anti-social behaviour and deprived inner-city areas, then you can guarantee that the reporters first words will be "Hi, I'm on the Broadlea estate in Bramley." It's hardly down-town Baghdad by any stretch of the imagination, it's a just typical inner-city council estate.

The family claimed that the home was "uninhabitable" and that "gangs of yobs roamed the streets".
In other words, it's a Leeds council estate.

Quite what this family were thinking they'd get one can only guess. When you are on the Leeds City Council housing lists, you aren't going to end up with a detached house in a leafy part of Bramhope or Calverley. Yes the house might have been in one of Leeds' most deprived areas, but that's a seperate issue and one which is far more important that your choice of home.

Leeds City Council, like all councils, have a finate amount of properties. If you reject one address, it's unreasonable to expect the housing department to have a range of homes on tap to offer you.

The sad fact about all of this is that this family have managed to create sympathy to their cause. They've been offered a house and turned their noses up at it. With council house waiting lists as long as they are, it's only right that they've been put to the back of the queue.