Know your market

Every now and again, the local free-paper that sometimes turns up is stuffed with leaflets for local window cleaners, drive tarmac'ers and the local supermarkets.



This week, said paper did turn up, with said offers leaflet from said supermarkets.

Now a quick browse through the offers of cheap fish fingers, tinned soups and of course, booze, brought to my attention a drink known as "Red Square".

This Red Square happens to be a vodka-mixer jobbie that is packaged "RTD" (Ready-to-drink, apparently). But what intrigued me more is the tag-line: "Ibiza in a Can".

Now at first it puzzled me as to how you could fit a Balearic Island into a 500ml aluminium container. Then of course, it hits you as to what their audience actually is. The idea of Ibiza that they want to get across isn't sandy beaches, blistering sun and blue seas, it's expensive nightclubs, pissed-up revellers and sick in the streets. Red Square, naturally, prefers to say that the product is aimed at "18-24 year-olds". I prefer to say "aimed at the type of Chavs that watch Jeremy Kyle".

Jerry Springer wannabe Jeremy Kyle has had his chat show blasted as "human bear-baiting" by a judge this week after a studio guest was convicted assaulting another guest during a recording of the show.

Kyle's day-time talk show essentially encourages families from Britain's underclass to come on stage, get their 15 minutes of fame, swear at each other on national TV and then make an emotional pledge never to sleep with the milkman / barmaid / TV repair man ever again. All the while Kyle talks down to them from his high-and-mighty position.

It's a show that always walks the tightrope for what was acceptable and it was only a matter of time before it went too far. Like most ITV shows, it's car-crash television specifically catered for the hard-of-thinking. It's the same reason why Jerry Springer was so popular for a brief period until people started seeing through it.

At least it's good to see ITV's name getting dragged through the gutter once again. A few more premium-rate phone scandals, high profile criticisms and profit warnings and we might see the last of their garbage.

Is Graffiti "Art"?

The jailing of two teenage 'graffiti artists' for 15 and 12 months in Manchester has hit the headlines this week.








The pair caused around £13,000 worth of damage on a graffiti spree that saw them target a number of rail stations across the North West but whilst the jail sentences handed to the pair have been condemned, the issue has also re-opened a debate on the issue of this so-called 'urban art'.

On the one hand, you have those who claim that graffiti is a unique brand of art which typifies urban, inner-city life. Many of the underground walkways in Bradford City Centre used to feature this form of art in an attempt to make the subway system more appealing. Graffiti was often used to make political statements, particularly in Northern Ireland, promote under-represented subcultures and in the US, many of the world's leading brands utilise graffiti art as a form of advertising.

But on the other side of the coin, you have those who say that graffiti is nothing more than another form of vandalism, petty crime and yet another symbol of urban decay and inner-city squaller.

Most politicians, it must be said, seem to side with the latter argument and understandably so. Most graffiti isn't art at all and there's no way that the words "Daz woz 'ere" scrawled on a bus shelter would get nothing more than a derisory look from any right-minded individual.

But then take someone like "Banksy" and some of his work, which is undoubtedly impressive:


Of course, the sentences handed out to these two lads has also been questioned. Without trying to turn this into a "why give these kids 15 months when people who get much less" argument, it is excessive.

You have to question to what degree these youngsters are a danger to society and you'd also have to question what a custodial sentence will achieve which a community service wouldn't have achieved? The elder of the pair will now miss his first year of university and a year of trying to better himself to be able to contribute back to society. Instead, he's at even greater danger of turning to a life of petty crime.

Manchester, like many major cities in the UK has it's share of problems, but should clamping down on over expressive 'art' really be the priority?

Crisis Management 101

This morning's staff meeting at London 2012 HQ was probably a busy one after Channel 4's Dispatches uncovered some pretty damaging truths about the real costs of the 2012 Olympics.


Despite the warnings that the games would be astronomically over budget, barely finished on time and be a massive drain on resources, those in power tried to convince us all, even those of us outside the M25, that's we'd all benefit from London hosting the Games of the XXX Olympiad.

And last night, Channel 4 told us what only the most foolish already knew, and much more besides.

Economic research, previously hidden by the DCMS, blew out of the water the idea that we'd all be winners in the Olympic race. The 2012 organisers tried to sell us the idea that Olympic teams would be setting up camp at a hotel in Yorkshire, going for a brisk warm-up at a council-owned athletics facility in Hunslet and then jumping on the bus down the the Olympic Park. All of which was an idea that got no further than the imagination of Sebastian Coe's sound-bites and press releases.
In total, London will see investment of around £5.9bn whilst the rest of the UK loses around £4bn, that's before you factor in lost Lottery funding.

That brings us nicely onto the point that most of the press have picked up from the documentary, Seb Coe's involvement in the games, with Dispatches alleging that he had benefited to the tune of £200,000 in his role as an after-dinner speaker.

Now I'll hold my hands up and admit that, at times, Dispatches can be as objective as a Michael Moore film but in this case, it summed up what a lot of us already suspected about the Olympics. The bid party knew they had to drum up support, and so they were going to at whatever costs.

What stood out for me personally though is the number of private individuals involved and why some of these organisations were headed by very public figures. Not just some no-mark MP, but London Mayor Ken Livingston and Sport Minister Tessa Jowell for instance.

All of that allowed major public figures to conveniently skirt obligations under the Freedom of Information Act. This coming from a government that is trying to sell the idea of ID cards to us with the line "If you've nothing to hide then you've nothing to worry about."

It's little wonder that support for the game is at an all-time low. Once the Olympic bandwagon has well and truly packed-up and moved on to the next unsuspecting city, Sebastian Coe's "legacy" will be nothing more than dilapidated, grass-roots sports facilities starved of lottery funding, a East London community dismantled, an Olympic village sold off to wealthy property developers and a budget over-run that would make Montreal look like a bargain.

A day at the races

Nope, not horse racing. On Sunday I tootled along to Donington Park for the World Series by Renault weekend.





I've not really been a massive motorsport fanatic. I was one of many that became disenchanted with F1 after Rubens Barrichello pulled up before the finish line to let Michael Schumacher take the chequered flag at the 2002 Austrian Grand Prix. From then, I saw it nothing more than 24 moving cigarette adverts (and later, post tobacco advertising ban, mobile phone adverts), some evidently much quicker than others, all following team orders in order to contrive a result.

But I've tended to keep a ear to the ground anyway, especially in the lesser known versions, British Touring cars, World Rally Championship, that kind of thing.

And so we headed to Leicestershire for an event, armed with free tickets (a Yorkshireman doesn't turn down a freebie) to see what you don't tend to get with Bernie Ecclestone's offering these days, some competitive racing and fan friendly fun.


There was plenty going on as well. There were five races that day and two exibitions. One of which was of Renault's Formula One cars of yesteryear, including the John Player special once used by Ayrton Senna:


They then broke out the current Renault R26 racing car, which proved almost impossible to photograph:


But it did get a little easier as the day went on.......


There were plenty of side-stalls as well and it all made for a fantastic day out, all complimentary of Renault Sport and one that probably be attending again. Ignore the fairgrounds, interactive games and simulators in the infield where you got to queue for ages, there was still plenty to keep you occupied between races.The infield still had exhibitions from the Renault Collectors and Classic Car club and after we'd had a wander around there, we headed into the Paddock.

Here you had plenty of photo opportunities, chances to talk to drivers / mechanics, classic car shows, collectors car show, it was a petrol-head's paradise.


There were obviously people there who didn't fall into the "casual viewer" category like I did and they felt right at home talking about gear mechanisms, power-to-weight ratios and slip-differentials, stuff that goes way above my head.

Me? My interests were elsewhere....


Who said motorsport was dull?!

Missing a trick here.

The BBC have apparently ditched an idea to screen one of those eco-nutter enviromental save-the-planet type programmes after the dross that was Live Earth back in July.




Judging by the working title of "Planet Relief", it would have been similar to those telethon type shows like Children in Need and Comic Relief where all night the viewing public are subjected to hour after hour of dancing BBC news-readers, signing Eastenders stars and hour after hour of Graham Norton.

The show, which would have been presented by Ricky Gervais, wouldn't have been asking us to phone up and pledge money, the BBC aren't doing that at the minute, but instead they would have insisted on a "big switch-off".

The Beeb's decision has angered the eco-nutters no end but I'm very pleased that the BBC have decided not to jump on the global warming band-wagon.

The last thing we need is another programme pandering to the cries of the environmental lobby and trying to persuade me that by taking my TV off stand-by and unplugging my mobile phone charger, I will bring the polar bears back from extinction and save a jungle tribe in Papua New Guinea from the apocalypse.

Let's face it, any good work that we do will be more than undone by the world's growing economies. 'Going-green' clearly isn't encouraged by public transport policies and it's very clear that our elected leaders are using the global warming bandwagon as an excuse to hide additional forms of taxation.

But this big switch-off thing, that could have been a success. Usually the first sight of these telethon shows, or anything with Ricky Gervais is enough to make me turn the TV off.

Did I misplace a washer?

On Monday, Leeds ground to a complete halt as a burst watermain closed off the busiest part of the busiest road in the city.




I was going to write something about it, but Jerry Chicken is much more on-the-ball on a morning than I am and I just couldn't bring myself to plagerise all his hard work, so I'll just link to it instead.

Although that Michael bloke he talks about seems to be a smart chap. I propose that they put him in a position of power somewhere.

One brilliant comedian

Last night, your typical Leeds Rhinos fan should have probably been getting wet at Odsal, as Leeds went to Bradford for the fourth local derby of the rugby league season, but I wasn't. Instead, the Leeds Grand Theatre was the venue for my nights entertainment.




Geordie comedian Ross Noble kicked-off his latest UK tour "Nobleism" in Leeds yesterday evening and put on yet another brilliant performance.

For most people, the only time that they would have seen Noble would have been as a panel guest on 'Have I got News for You?' and even then, most people would only remember his as "that long-haired geordie bloke".

For men, having first seen him stand-up completely by accident as I watched TV at 11pm in a hotel in Bristol, I quickly ended up with his three DVD's. Yesterday was the first time I've seen him live

As a modern-day stand-up, there are not many better and it's a brand of stand-up that you don't see very often. Ask him what his act is and he'll tell you that it's not much more than four words on a piece of scrap paper. Almost all of it is based on his surroundings and crowd interaction. Some of his acts are so surreal it's untrue and whenever I see his acts I'm amazed at how his mind works sometimes.

He's certainly worlds apart from much more renowned comedians such as Ricky Gervais, who couldn't even begin to put together a spontaneous act on a par with Noble's. Something that Gervais demonstrated overtly in his "rabbit in headlights" performance at the Concert for Diana a few months back when he quickly realised that he'd run out of material with around 8 minutes of his act remaining and so, rather than embarrass himself in front of the royal family and a worldwide TV audience, he'd dance around on stage like a burke.

As for last night? An absolutely fantastic show and one that I'd recommend anyone to recommend although it may be offensive to people in the following groups:

• Leeds City Council
• Sex offenders
• Drug addicts
• Walt Disney
• Kinder Egg factory workers
• Nurses
• Daily Mail readers
• Customs officers
• The unemployed
• Roller Bladers
• Homosexuals
• Christians
  
• The cast of Starlight Express
• Airport Check-in assistants
• New Zealanders
• People who carry kazoos
• Muslims
• Taxi drivers
• Chesney Hawks
  
• Prostitutes
  
• Turtle lovers
• The town of Halifax
  
• The elderly
• Howard, the signing bloke from the Halifax commercials
  

There are probably more but anyway, here's an official clip from one of his previous tours, just for fun.