World Cup Preditions Re-visited

Not so long ago, I made a few predictions on the upcoming softball…oops, I mean Football World Cup. Now the tournament has gone through the formality of filtering out the rubbish and got down the nitty-gritty, it might be worth revisiting those predictions.

Prediction Number 1: Winners: Brazil.

Looking good at the moment. They’re still in the contest, which is always a good start and scoring goals from off-side positions for fun. After a slow start they seem to have got into their groove and the still overweight Ronaldo seems to be finding some form.

Verdict: Still on course.

Prediction Number 2: Runners Up: Czech Republic

After their 3-0 trouncing of the US, they were looking a good shout. But reality should have told me that, no matter how well you play, beating a team from a country that thinks that football is played with helmets and Kevlar padding isn’t really a good indicator.
They got unlucky with injuries, especially with Jan Koller going off pretty early on and that has probably cost them a spot in the last 16.

Verdict: Think again buddy!

Prediction Number 3: Third Place: Germany

So they’re still in the competition, playing well and looking a good shout. But the thing is, their quarter final opponents, the Argies.
Argentina look good. In fact, they look very good. Riqueleme is running the show for them and they easily have the best passing game of all the sides in Germany.
There’s also the small matter of me having Argentina on the work sweepstake. Germany have the ability to beat Argentina, I just don’t think they will.

Verdict: Don’t count on it.

Prediction Number 4: England: Eliminated in second round.

Another prediction that I marginally got wrong. England have stumbled through to the quarter finals, putting in a series of ‘half’ performances. In some senses, it’s only the luck of the draw that has seen them get this far as, apart from Sweden, their opponents have been a bunch of misfits from South and Central America.
It’s Portugal in on Saturday for Beckham and Co, and if they don’t perform, they’ll be back in Blighty just in time for Sunday lunch.

Verdict: It’s good but it’s not right

Prediction Number 5: Player of the Tournament: Ronaldinho

On current form, it’s a resounding no. He’s been played out of position on the left hand side and hasn’t shown many of the tricks that Spanish league supporters have come to expect.
At the moment, Riqueleme looks to be taking that mantle although there is still competition out there. Don’t write off Ronaldinho though, apart from Riqueleme, nobody has really stood out, and the buck-toothed Brazilian has the ability to change a game in an instant

Verdict: It’s going to be a close one

Prediction Number 6: Top Goal-scorer: Miroslav Klose

This tip’s looking good. Klose is top of the charts as I type this, sticking four in the onion bag before the quarter finals kick-off. If the Germans can overcome Argentina, I confidently predict that he’ll end up with the Golden Boot.

Verdict: Dam! I should have gone to the bookies!

Well, that’s that for my predictions. Looks like I won’t be far out with a few either.

Enjoy your over-hyped, play-acting dive-fest folks!

I've Discovered the Reason Why the Weather has Turned Crap

At last! I've found the solution! Over the past few weeks, the beautiful summer afternoons that we were enjoying had somewhat faded and now I know exactly why.





The Wimbledon Tennis Championships got underway this week, with the obligatory match postponements due to the British summer.

This years tournament hasn't really got off with a bang, partly due to some event going on in Germany and partly due to the fact that "Henmania" is well and truely over.
After years of it being "Henman's year", only for him to be humiliated by an Eastern European mini-cab driver in the 3rd round, Britain has finally given up on the perenial loser (who is already on his way home after a second round defeat) and moved on to a new hero.

This year, Britain's middle classes will be raising their Pimms and overpriced fruit to the prospect that is Great Britain's Andrew Murray. Well, he's "Great Britain's" Andy Murray whilst he's still in the tournament, but the minute he's packed up and on his way out from SW19, he'll be plain old "Scotland's" Andrew Murray - that's how the Britain works. We lay claim to anything that isn't ours, until we find out that it isn't very good and discard it. It's probably how we built Queen Victoria built her empire.
Murray hit the big-time at last years competition, before the pressure told and he bowed out in the 3rd round - one better than "Tiger Tim", but this year, he's the golden boy and the pressure is on.

I really don't get into Tennis. The only possitive for me is that it replaces those dyer daytime TV schedules and reaffirms all those British middle-class sterotypes; Pip-pip, tally-ho and all the rest. Infact, I think Wimbledon should be banned altogether. Do away with Wimbledon, and we might actually have an undisrupted summer.

Hopefully, the competition will pass-off peacefully and as long as nobody passes Cliff Richard a microphone (only in England would they get an old man to sing "We're all Going on a Summer Holiday" when it's pissing with rain), the World Cup should ensure that we don't here two much about Wimbledon 2006.

I Don't Like Cricket

On Tuesday, we make yet another trip on up to Headingley, or as we’re supposed to call it now, “Headingley Carnegie Stadium”.

Usually when we head to Headingley, we’ll be packed into the South Stand watching the Rhinos battle it out for 2 Rugby League points, or a place in the next round of the cup.

However on Tuesday, it’ll be a little different.

You see, Headingley is a bit ‘unique’ in that it is actually two “stadiums” in one. It’s not one of these pre-fabricated ‘multi-function’ grounds that pop up, which cater for football, rugby, athletics, speedway, greyhounds and tiddlywinks all in one arena. Oh no, Headingley is quite different.
Instead, you have one rugby stadium to the south. But the North Stand, also happens to be the South Stand of the famous Headingley cricket ground and that’s where we’ll be sitting on Tuesday evening.

Now I’m not really what you’d describe as a cricket fanatic. I can understand it, but I can’t endure a full 5 day test match. It’s boring. One day-ers are about endurable but if nothing happens soon, I’m usually reaching for the remote.

But, they’ve recently introduced a new type of cricket. A sort of ‘cricket for dummies’ if you will. It’s what they call “Twenty20” cricket and its pretty good stuff. To be fair, the ECB and Sky have marketed it really well, but in essence, it’s cricket that’s much more friendly on the eye to watch, all action, no mucking about slogfests which are a great way to spend an evening in the sun.

On Tuesday, Yorkshire Phoenix play Durham Dynamos in their first Northern Group match. Yorkshire aren’t exactly playing well at the moment, so victory is far from assured, but who cares.
There are a couple of other games after that before the big one. The Roses clash – Yorkshire vs Lancashire. For either side, the season is pretty dependent on those games. The bottom line is that, as a Yorkshire man, you don’t want to lose to Lancashire and likewise, as a hot-pot, you hate losing to the puddings.

So anyway, here’s to a few tinnies on the terraces on a (hopefully) pleasant evening on Tuesday night. Afterward, it’ll be on to the Skyrack to see how Great Britain RL are doing against New Zealand.

COME ON YORKSHIRE!

The Customer is Always Right, But He's Usually Wrong

Are people getting ruder, more stupid or just more ignorant? He's a not-so objective analysis.







Unfortunately, my job entails me dealing with the Great British public, and the not-so great British public. However stupid, gormless, ignorant, condescending, arrogant or obnoxious an individual may be, I have to stand there smiling and take the abuse. I can get away with having a go back sometimes, but there’s a fine line between getting back you respect, and joining the queue at Eastgate Job Centre.

On the section I work, it’s basically a ‘trade counter’. I basically work in a small part of the store, selling small parts which don’t really merit shop floor space.

Despite this, Leeds’ laziest see this as a ‘personal shopper’ service and head straight to said counter like a steaming train (usually walking straight past the item they actually want). After which, they’ll just make some inaudible grunt to the effects of “one ‘o them”. Any attempt to establish what “one ‘o them” is, is usually met by a shrugged shoulder and a “I don’t f**king know, you’re the expert”.

Firstly buddy, wrong on two counts:

1. If I were an expert, I wouldn’t be working here on a Saturday afternoon earning sod-all.
2. Even if I were an expert, you still have to throw me a fricking bone and at least give me an idea of which device or orifice you unearthed it from.

I used to think that this sort of ‘shopping experience’ was reserved to the society’s delinquents. It was usually smelly old men who adopted this approach. Those who carried one of those whisky flasks everywhere they went and couldn’t string two coherent sentences together without the work “fuck” in there somewhere. But lately, it’s getting more and more common. Men, women and children all seem to be adopting this approach. This, “I want you to get me it, without asking any questions and you’ll fucking get me it right now” approach is fast becoming the norm. It’s getting exceedingly rare to get the most basic recognition of a “please” and “thank-you”.
I even had one muppet today, coming in about 3:45 with what I first thought was his weekly food shopping list, who “had to have it within five minutes or I won’t get home to watch the football! – Hurry I said!”

I quite enjoy dealing with these people in a sort of way. There what you might refer to as a ‘born complainer’. Those who firmly believe in the “Customer is always right” mentality.
You see, what these people don’t understand is that the salesman always has the last laugh. Perhaps these people don’t realise that electrical retail is a very easy industry in which to sell and that if the more you get my back up, the more I’ll try and get out of your wallet. I can’t remember what his final bill came to, but he left 10 minutes later than he wanted to anyway.

There’s also those that expect shop assistants to bow to the customer. Thinking that you have to do everything they say, no matter how much you can’t be arse or no matter how un-commercially viable it is. Wrong again matey.

One individual today in particular came into this category. He wanted one, yes one discontinued part, which we didn’t have (after all, it’s a discontinued part) at a total cost of £1.09. I suggested that other stores had the part in stock and that he may wish to try there. At which point he expected me to transfer the £1.09 part to Leeds for him to collect, which I couldn’t do.
After an irate outburst from him, I explained that I was not prepared to pay £20 for a courier to carry a £1.09 component and that even the phone-call to DHL, let alone the mountain of admin work and paper that needs going through for this sort of thing, would probably cost more than the part he wanted. In short, it wasn’t worth our while. I offered him an alternative part, of exactly the same spec, to perform the exact same function, but he was adamant that it was completely different and that I was a “fucking clueless moron”.

It’s not just in shops though. Driving is another area where people are getting more ignorant. There was once a time (and I’ve only been driving 2½ years) where you’d let someone out of a street, or give way to someone on a narrow road and you’d get a friendly wave or flash of the headlights. Not any more. Instead they come steaming round the bend, forcing you to break and just give you a completely gormless look when you even dare to expect some sort of acknowledgement. To be honest (and I risk a public lynching here) but it’s certainly the school-run-mums that are the worst of the bunch, closely followed by the infamous BMW 3 Series driver.

I know that people are forever bemoaning the lack of manners from today’s teenagers, but I’m fairly sure that the example being set is to blame.
I was always up with the ‘say please and thank-you’ mentality, as I imagine most people are and working in retail does give you an appreciation of how hard the job can be. Maybe it’s just me? Are my standards too high, or are people just generally becoming even bigger arseholes?

A Good Day at Work

Saturday brought a pleasent suprise. My boss, who takes a fair bit of justified stick on this site, has got a promotion. The upshot of it all, is that he's finally out of my hair....YIPEEEEE!!!!






Everyone in the store has been waiting for this day for about 18 months. Infact, I was so worried that it wouldn't happen, that I almost wrote off to see if Jimmy Saville 'll fix it for me.
Now some people might think that it's just me with a personnal problem with him, but it's not, really. Arguments and disagreements happen in any office, but few disagreements are universally centred towards one individual. The other staff, the senior sales rep, Eric the nutter, the supervisor and even the assistant managers all see him as (in their words) "an absolute tit". Not one person in the office will stick up for him.

Anyhoo, Saturday was his last. He officially leaves on Thursday, but unless I bump into him as I start my Wednesday night shift, that's the last I've seen of him. From Monday, we start afresh with a new gaffer.

Now, I'm fully aware that this 'could' be a case of "out of the frying pan, into the fire", but that's a risk I'll happily take.
Lets face it, whats the chance of this new bloke being a deceitful, lying, disrespectful, arrogant, contumely prick - and then some?
This new bloke also happens to come from the same place as where my old boss came from, and he was pretty good. Now, i'm not really a believer in omens but if I were, that would be a good one will it not.

Anyway, I'm happy, about 25 other people are happy and we're holding his 'leaving do' next week (not that he'll know about it!)

How Difficult is it to Park a Car?

*DISCLAIMER*
This post may be offensive to women, 4x4 drivers and stupid people.






For most of us, when you just turn 17 there's only one thing you want to do, learn to drive. The prosepects of freedom and independence that owning a car brings is too much to resist for some and the quest begins to get a shiny pink card which says that you can be trusted to drive a 2 ton block of steel at 70mph.

Whilst learning to do that, you are taught a plethora of methods of how to park the thing. Reverse, around the corner, in a bay, at the side of the street - the whole caboodle.
So why is that people forget these things the minute they change their underpants?

Everywhere you go, white van man will be blocking Britain's bus lanes with his hazard lights on, Buses will stop wherever the hell they like and Mini-cabs stick out at jaunty angles. But that's just the start of it.

Shopping centre car parks tend to act as a magnet for these idiots, esspecially during the daytime. The local ASDA seems to attract these particular feckwits more than most. It is not THAT difficult to park a car between two white lines, is it? I can't believe how many people have such little driving ability that they need to merit taking two, or in one case, three spaces. Invariably, these were all 4x4's, which we all know, are now only driven by women who need an armoured vehicle to take their kiddies to school, cub scouts, flute lessons or 'Toys R Us'.

Not only that, but there's those ignorant twats that decide that they have a right to park in disabled bays. Thankfully, ASDA have started issuing fines for these idiots. We also have a company doing the same where I work, although we don't call them parking fines, we prefer to refer to them as "taxes for the twats". Perhaps though, whilst these people are not physically disabled, perhaps they are handicapped mentally as I can't think of another explaination for wanting to argue that you shouldn't be fined for parking in a disabled bay and not displaying a disabled badge, when you parked in a disabled bay and didn't display a disabled badge.

Driving in supermarket carparks isn't exactly of a high standard anyway, probably because as soon as people drive through the front gate, their mind is mesmorised by the prosepect of all the 'shiny' things that they could buy.

Me thinks that those driving examiners do have a futile task, making the British public less stupid once they get into a car.

View from the Bar World Cup Predictions

Apparently, some football tournament kicks-off on Friday, so I best write something about it.






But I'm struggling to get excited about it. I don't know if it's just me or not but I can't help but think that we'll get the usual fest of cheating, scandal and England bottling it at the last minute.
Is that right, or should I just blindly follow the tabloid led hype like every other muppet?

The 2006 FIFA World Cup in Germany gets underway and the nation's tabloid readers have once again been suckered in by the hype. Every other car is bedecked in England flags, houses have the cross of St George hanging from the window and pubs across the land are stacked with red and white decor.

It's not that i'm not patriotic, far from it. I'd like to see England do well in any sport. It's just that I got bored with football, particuarly English football, a long time ago.

I've been more of a rugby person anyway, but always used to watch as much football as I possibly could. Not any more though. It's very rare that i'll watch any game unless it's massively important, or involves Leeds United.

It's just the whole 'fakeness' of it that winds me up, although the fact that Leeds United went down the pan and the fact that football tickets are now unaffordable may also be an issue.
I just don't see the appeal of watching overpaid, spoilt, whinging, diving, cheating, moaning soft-arses.
Anyway, it looks as Wayne Rooney's toe is better. Thank god for that! England's saviour! Who else would have scored the goals necessary to get past the might of Paraguay and Trinidad & Tobago? At least that's the impression I got given the number of journalists outside BUPA's Manchester clinic.

I'd love to see any Premiership footballer take what Danny Tickle had to take the other day. After a huge tackle from Vinnie Anderson put him flat on his arse, not only did Tickle manage to get up more or less straight away, but he managed to keep hold of the ball aswell. Certainly no mean feat given the size of the collision and if that were Mr Beckham or Mr Owen in the same position, heaven knows how many medics, physios and ambulances would have been needed to 'rub it better'.

Anyway, thats my thoughts on the upcoming World Cup. I'll watch the odd match and i'll be routing for England (as well as the Ivory Coast after I got them in the sweepstake at work) but I ain't buying the hype. I be watching the opening game, seeing as the Rhinos are at home to Wigan and i'll be missing the first England game as well. Don't like it? Tough, just read my predictions instead:

Winners: Brazil
Runners Up: Czech Republic
Third Place: Germany

England - Defeated in 2nd round
Player of the Tournament: Ronaldinho
Golden Boot: Miroslav Klose

Conspiracy theorists, and other mentalists

With all the hype and hysteria over the upcoming World Cup, you'd be forgiven for forgetting that other sports do actually exist at the moment.
Well thankfully, the BBC acknowledged this fact for about four minutes this morning, by televising the draw for the semi-final of the Rugby League Challenge Cup before shooting off back to their reporter in Baden Baden to resume normal service.



The draw involved my side Leeds Rhinos, St Helens, Huddersfield Giants and Hull Kingston Rovers. For those of you that don't know much about Rugby League, let me put that into some context.

• St Helens are currently top of the Super League and playing some brilliant Rugby. They're favourites to win both the cup and Super League and win probably win at least one of the two, assuming that their annual end-of-season cock-up stays away this year.
  
• Leeds Rhinos are second in the Super League. If St Helens are going to lose one of the two trophies that they look like winning, you'd probably put your money on Leeds to be the team that won it.
• Huddersfield are an unglamarous club. Some people will tell you they play 'ugly' rugby. On their day, they can beat anyone (they're the only team that have beaten St Helens this season) but on their day, they can also lose to Rodley Rockets Under 9's.
• Hull KR arn't even in Super League. They are in National League 1, which if you're a football fan, is the equivalent of the fizzy-pop Championship. They're playing well, but they arn't going to win it.

Now, the mentalists were adament that the RFL were desperate to get a Leeds vs St Helens final. The two best teams, the two teams that arguably play the best rugby, infront of a packed Twickenham crowd on national television. They said that Huddersfield and/or Hull weren't welcome at the game's showpiece event, what with their piddly crowds and ugly rugby.
They said the organisers would stop at nothing to ensure that Leeds and St Helens were kept apart in the semi-finals. Nutty theories included the "hot ball - cold ball" theories, balls imprinted with symbols so the draw master could tell who was who, a pre-recorded draw and some other stupid methods which, if I wrote down, would see the men in white coats come knocking on my door.

So low and behold, what happened in today's draw? Leeds and St Helens were kept apart. Leeds have got Huddersfield whilst Saints have got to brush aside Hull KR.

Obviously, the lunatics are having a field day. "Fix" and "swindle" were the cries the entire length of the M62.
"What a suprise!" was one sarcastic post on a message board.
"No wonder the draw was late!" said another.

Yesterday, someone claimed that Leeds and St Helen's would "miraculously" be drawn apart.

Would that be the 'miracle' that is a 2 in 3 chance of not drawing St Helens? The miracle that a completly fair and impartical system would more than likely, give a result that isn't a Leeds vs St Helens semi-final?

Now I fully appreciate that it's not up there with the greatest of conspiracies. It's certainly not of the same ilk as 9/11 or the crash of TWA800, but it's still reassuring to think that there are people like this in the world. Whenever I doubt my own abilities, I can always remind myself that there are people much more delusional than I am.