Whilst some busy-bodies are still finding out the great icons of our fair land, we continue our quest to find the all-time great cons of Britain. This time, we look at talent contests.
TV standards in this country seem to have dropped dramatically over the past few years. Cynics would argue that they couldn’t drop much further anyway, but nevertheless, despite having 2000 more channels, we still can’t find anything decent to watch.
That’s mainly due to a few things. Firstly, ITV are skint. Secondly, the BBC are skint and Thirdly, Sky is run by an Aussie.
That said, ITV heralded Simon Cowell and Co as the saviours of their network. Cowell and his cronies, which consisted of Dr Fox (who isn’t a Doctor) and some woman whose name escapes me, kicked-off a new talent show called Pop Idol, where your average bloke off the street came in, sang a song and as long as they was good enough, they got the chance of a multi-million recording contract.
After the hilarities of he opening rounds, where every cretin in the country warbled at the panel, so that Cowell could lay into them with his infamous put-downs, we were down to the nitty gritty with people who, to be fair, had a bit of a voice on them.
In the end, the country was gripped as Will Young, from somewhere down South and Gareth Gates from Bradford battled it out in the live final and sang for the votes of the British public. It was a fairly close thing in the end and even the bookies couldn’t split them. Will Young was arguably the better singer, whilst the stammering Gareth easily had the sympathy vote because of his speech impediment. Gareth, who was proclaimed as the best thing to come out of Bradford since the A647, eventually lost although he did manage to get a record deal.
And therein lays the con.
These votes cost upwards of £1 a minute. All the while, the shows costs are covered by millions in sponsorship money. After that, the un-audited winner is announced before heading of to the recording studio.
After that, every runner-up is all of a sudden appearing on ‘Top-of-the Pops’ with their cover version of some 80’s classic.
These TV execs know exactly who’s getting the contracts before a note is sung, yet the idiots keep in voting, and voting, and voting. Yet further proof that the British public is completely stupid.
Come to think of it, after al these contests, only two have actually made anything of their careers. Will Young being one, the other being Lemar, who starred on Fame Academy. The rest, they’ve vanished somewhere, although how they could lose Michelle McManus only Cowell himself will know.
Some of you might be wondering why I’m mentioning this, weeks after the X-Factor just finished.
Well, it comes to my attention that loser ‘Chico’ is looking set for the number 1 spot with his track. Now I would like to point out that I have no idea who or what a Chico is, but it sounds like a child’s train set. Anyway, he seems that in this ‘song’, he repeatedly asks “What time is it?”
Well Chico, it’s time for you to fuck off.
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