Are enviromentalists really that mental?

I'm not the world's biggest supporter of environmentalists. I'd rather we did save the whale and stop cutting down the Amazon, but I also like my car and enjoy outdoor lighting. It's fair to say I'm more from Jeremy Clarkson's school of eco-issues than Al Gore's.




There are some great minds that are thinking up great ideas for us to 'go green' and help us save whatever obscure Pacific creature is in the news that week. The hybrid car, LPG, ethanol batteries, wind-up radios and so on.

It's those people we should probably be listening to.

Unfortunately, most people listen to half-wit politicians and celebrities looking to jump on the latest bandwagon than passes by.

Sheryl Crowe seems to think that the key to saving the environment is to cut back on the bog roll.
Like all used pieces of Andrex, I think we all know where this idea should be consigned to.

Look who has an inferiority complex

I've always wondered if this 'small town chip-on-the-shoulder' mentality is just something of a myth. Something that's just made up by those in the big city to keep the outsiders firmly in their place.


Well thanks to Stephen Cummings at the Burnley Citizen, the small town inferiority complex is alive and well in one Lancashire village.

I can imagine the discussion with the sports editor in the newsroom now. "Steve, we need you to write something about Burnley FC - you OK with that?"
"That's fine, but what if I write something about Leeds United?"
"But we're more than 45 miles from Leeds."
"Yeah I know, but I can write something about Leeds United."
"But why?"
"I just think it'd be really good."

And as it turned out, what he eventually wrote was a waste of everyone's time. The time he spent in writing it, the time of the people who bought and read the Citizen and the time of the Brazilian bloke who probably cut down the tree in the Amazon to begin with.

It's an opinion piece and, like everyone else, he's entitled to his view. This is one person who just happens to be in a privileged position where he can broadcast his opinions publicly. With that privilege though, there has to be some modicum of effort and reasoning behind it. This is just antagonistic ranting for someone obviously trying to make a name for himself.

We're Rubbish

Football, Rugby, Tennis, Athletics...... like with any sport England seems to compete in, we're also rubbish at Cricket.










In a must-win Cricket World Cup match with South Africa in Barbados, we could only muster 154 runs from 48 overs.

Thankfully, the South African innings was soon over and done with, 157 runs on the board in less than half the number of balls.

At least now we can go back to a life with no unjustified optimism and hysteria surrounding our nation's sporting prospects.

What's the next International event that we can be disappointed about? Surely another England football fixture is around the corner?

Party at my place!

You've all seen those teen movies, American Pie and the like, where the parents bugger off for a weekend and the kids are left with the house to themselves.






It's obvious what ensues. Pissed up teenagers tearing the house to shreds, police officers bursting through the door and neighbours complaining that they're being kept awake at some unearthly hour by rowdy adolecents. It even happened to Kevin & Perry.

So when you watch those films, you'd have to be pretty naive to advertise the fact that you've got the house to yourself and are holding a party at your gaff on mySpace. Unfortunately for one Durham couple, that's exactly what their 17-year old daughter did. The net result? 200 teenagers converging on one detached house in the North East for one-too-many alcopops.

The house has been turned upside down, with the damaged totalling around £20,000. Various objects, including a wedding dress, have been urinated on and almost every visible surface now looks like the ash-tray from a working mens club.

It was probably one of those "it seemed like a good idea at the time, what could go wrong?" sort of brainwaves. The family are now wanting to move home although I doubt their new address with come with a mySpace connection.

Selective reporting

One of those "reports out today" (well, yesterday actually) claimed that the average worker takes around seven days a year off work through 'sickies'.










This survey was done by the Confederation of British Industry (CBI), who are some sort of representative body for business in this country.

It's not surprising to find out that 'sickies' had a link with major sporting events and hot days and the CBI claims that by bunking off, we are collectively costing the economy £13.4bn a year.

But this is where these 'surveys' fall down, because whilst one statistic says that we are all evil for costing our bosses a few quid, they neglect the very opposite views.

Whilst we might take seven days a year from work, we also happen to give back near enough to one day a week (7hrs 6 mins) in unpaid overtime. Over a 45 week working year, that means the economy is actually up by 38 days every year. On that basis, a full-time minimum wage worker gives away almost £1700 in free labour and, by the reckoning of the TUC, the collective £23bn made from these extra hours, still makes businesses £9.6bn better off.

So now you know that, you can now get back to work.

Thank God I do't have to go through that again

Finishing Uni this year will have one extra silver lining, which until this morning I had completely erased from memory.








No more will I have to endure the mental torment that is the student finance form. That indignity is now going to befall my younger brother for the next four years.

Like all government forms, it's filled with needless questions and pointless sub-sections designed to confuse even the most hardened of administrators. Not only do they want your name, date of birth, inside leg measurement, favourite Culture Club record and hamster's maiden name, but inside the 423-page booklet you have a myriad of needless questions. I've absolutely no idea why student finance need to know if I'm a member of a religious house of order, but no doubt that information is vital to the eighteen civil servants whose job depends on that very question.

That's one of several things I can't say I'll miss about the higher education system.

A week on public transport

As any semi-regular reader might have guessed, I'm not a big fan of First Leeds. There are few companies who treat their customers with as much contempt as this band of incompetents and it's a travesty that they operate almost every single bus service in Leeds.




If they spent just half as much on running their services as they do on PR spin, then the majority of Leeds' transport problems would be solved at a stroke, but that's for another day.

In an effort to increase their monopoly further, they've taken trying to convince the public to ditch their cars so that they can continue to clog up the roads with those stupid purple "ftr" eyesores and so they have taken to producing "the diary of a car quitter". The problem is that it's completely inaccurate.

And so on their behalf, I have taken to rewriting their diary for them.
Step 1: Ensure that your job does not involve any working outside the hours of 9:00am and 5:00pm. Outside these hours, a bus in Leeds is only seen on the changing of the tides. Forget any notion of going out after dark. Working outside the city centre? Good luck!

Step 2: Stand in the cold for a minimum of 11 minutes for your "every 10 minutes" service. Of course, there is no timetable attached to the bus stop and so you have to pay 50p to use the text messaging service. This "instant" message will only be received by you once you have boarded the bus you were seeking information on.

Step 3: Gasp as you realise that the required fare is comparable to that of a 2:00am Friday night mini-cab journey.

Step 4: Upon realising that no seats are available, you find yourself crushed in a steel container between at least two people. One of which will invariably have a body odour problem whilst the other will be a 14-year old playing drum 'n' bass music from a mobile phone speaker. Reminisce about how you used to be able to sit in comfort in an air conditioned car listening to your choice of music.

Step 5: Endure approximately one hour of your stop-start journey encompassing unfathomable diversions through every housing estate in West Leeds. Step 6: Arrive at your destination and vow never to do that again.

I actually think my version is better than First's.

A bit too far

Last night's Roma vs Manchester United clash in the UEFA Champions League will, of course, be remembered for all the wrong reasons.





Manchester United supporters clashed with the Polizia in the Olympic Stadium, with UEFA promising to investigate last nights violence.

The overall culprits are up for debate. The focus for most blame at the moment is on the local constabulary and their heavy-handed methods, although it's also fair to say that both clubs have form when it comes to crowd trouble.

I wasn't at the game and, like most, I can only draw my own conclusions from the pictures transmitted to my television set. What I did see though was a member of the Roma riot police beating seven shades of the proverbial out of a Manchester United supporter by repeatidly striking him over the head with a baton whilst he lay semi-concious on the floor. I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions.

But Manchester United's response has brought some cheap, mild amusement to an otherwise serious issue:



Yes, I know......

Travel advice

Just a quick question; what's the best way to get to London?

It's no matter of importance, I'd just like to sample a few of it's attractions.

;)