Would You Like a Bus with That?

I've always said that buses were rubbish. They're expensive, smelly and never there when you want one but they're always trundling along a 12mph when it's infront of me, not parking in the layby and holding the traffic and bullying it's way into the right lane. Buses are shit, end of.

So, you could imagine the suprise of a few bakery workers in Leeds City Centre this morning when, whilst minding their own business, a bus charges it's way through their front window.
Presumably, the Infirmary Street branch of Ainsley's doesn't have a drive-thru, so no doubt questions are being asked as to why one of those odd-looking bendy buses is currently parked on top of a cornish pasty and tray of rice crispie buns.
Luckly I'll point out, nobody was seriously hurt, although there are unconfirmed reports of a dismembered gingerbread men undergoing intensive care - i'll keep you posted on that one.

First Group, the people who allegedly run the bus "service" in Leeds, and incidently already have a position on my "Bastards List", say they are investigating the incident and I suggest they get Alistair Darling to help out. Whilst he's at it, he could also investigate if this would have happend if the vehicle in question would have raced towards the delicious vanilla slice had it been attached to two parrallel rails. You know the sort, a bit like tram rails, almost 'Super' tram rails if you will.........

On another incident today I drew the conclusion that train's are no better.
Instead of driving for the upcoming Rhinos game in Warrington, we decided to let the train take the strain (a decision that was not, I repeat not influenced by the fact that Warrington sell beer in 2 pint pots). So, a few days ago I headed to the National Rail website where, after entering my details, I was presented with a plethora of different prices, all of which were for what I thought was the exact same journey. Anyway, I somehow worked out a cost of £14.

After discussion with the lads (who were in no way looking forward to the prospect of a 2 pot pint), we opted to pre-book it. So, onto the interweb thing this morning to discover that the £14 option is now non-existant. Instead I was presented with an even more baffling array of prices raning from £16.10 to £42.30. "F**k this" we decided, and off to book on the club coach.

I still don't get it. Please can I just have a site that says "From 'HERE' to 'HERE' costs £'THIS MUCH'". I don't really care for a "Super-saver-first class-apex-cheapday-return-TPE" ticket. Just give me one price, that an idiot like me can understand.

Now I know why I was so eager to learn to drive!

Daytime TV Sucks!

In part 2 of my 'Bored through Easter' series, I put daytime TV under the microscope.
The title statement will, to most of you, come as no suprise. But for those of you that like soap operas, you'll now be yelling obscentites at the computer screen as I have dared to criticise that poorly produced, sesationalistic, exploitative, lowest common denominator garbage that you hold so dear to your hearts. Or at least you would, I you could muster the intelligence to be able to put down your copy of 'The Sun' and log on to the internet.

Daytime TV is rubbish to the 'n'th degree. You just have to look at Trisha first thing in the morning to see how bad it gets:
"Hi my name's Trisha and welcome to the show. Today's guests are people who have been beaten up in pubs. Now, here are some people who beat people up in pubs. Lets have a debate."

It gets no better after that. First Phillip Schofield comes on looking like the Silver Surfer with that hairdo of his whilst on the BBC, they're showing the 14th antique-hunting or house-buying programme of the morning.

Then, the lowest of the low - Loose Women. All the sexism you can cram into one, handy, pocket-sized hour long block. If that programme had a load of builders on, talking about which pop star had the nicest knockers, it's be taken off the air in a flash. But when it's women talking about how men are all stupid bastards, it's OK. That's because it's only women dumb enough to buy into this shit. In fact, I imagine about half the dole-sponging population are all jumping up infront of the screen shouting "You go girl!".

That said, by saying that 'daytime TV sucks', I'm not telling the whole story. In fact, most TV sucks. The prosecution brings the following evidence:

• Coronation Street, poorly produced sensationalistic tripe.
• Eastenders: See above
• Emmerdale: Does nothing to dispell the Lancashire myth that Yorkshire people are inbred, infact, it supports it!
• Crossroads: It was crap the first time, that's why it got cancelled. What posessed you to bring it back?

The prosecution rests.

What a Day!

It's the Easter break from Uni, and I should probably be doing some work. But I'm not OK? I'm bored senseless trying to get Halifax Town up the leagues on Football Manager and mucking about on the net.
In fact, I've wasted a good few minutes mucking about on Wikipedia typing in various random randomness.
I've evengone and got inspiration from here and tried typing in my Birthday and I came up with some fairly interesting stuff, some of which I knew and most which I didn't.


So, on that day:

People who were born:

• Mary Queen of Scots (1542)
• Sammy Davis Junior - American Actor (1925)
• Kim Basinger - American Actress (1953)
• Sinead O'Connor - Irish Singer (1966)
• Michael Essien - Ghanian Footballer who plays for Chelsea (1982)
• Amir Khan - British boxer (1986)

People who died:

• Liselotte von der Pfalz, Duchess of Orléans and sister-in-law of King Louis XIV of France (1722)
• George Boole - The man who annoyed thousands of GCSE and A-Level maths students by inventing algebra (1864)
  
• King Oscar of Sweden (1907)
• Sarit Dhanarajata, Prime Minister of Thailand (1963)
• John Lennon - Singer & Songwriter from the Beetles (1980)

Things of mild interest that happened:

• After Pearl Habour, the US, China and Netherlands declare War on Japan (1941)
• Gas vans are first used a means of execution during the holocaust (1941)
• The computer mouse is invented (1968)
• The Eagles release the album 'Hotel California' (1976)
• The leaders of Russia, Belarus and Ukraine sign an agreement dissolving the Soviet Union and establishing the Commonwealth of Independent States (1991)

Wow! That's one busy day and on another possitve note, I've probably wasted a good 15mins!

Look out for more bored ramblings during the next two weeks!

The View from the Bar "Bastards List"

Over the years, I've been compilling what I've reffered to as a "Bastards List". This is a list of all the people or organisations that have irritated me, annoyed me, inconvienienced me or basically, people who have pissed me off.
I now feel that it's time to publish the said list but a warning to you all out there: Just because I'm publishing it now, doesn't mean you are safe! I'll be adding to this, as well as give it a prime place in this blog, so don't let your guard down for a second!

Michael's "Bastard" list:

• West Yorkshire Safety Camera Partnership: For existing.

• Sony: For putting bespoke parts on their products and making my job harder as I have to explain to their customers why I can't get them a new part for their fucking camcorder.
  

• Kwik-Fit: £300 for a Cat converter? It's a Citroen, not a frigging Bentley! I'll go to Motosave instead.
  

• Leeds City Council: They know why.
  

• Royal Mail: For being useless.

• Parcel Force: For being part of Royal Mail.
  

• DHL: See Royal Mail. Oh, and for leaving £300 worth of electrical goods unattended on the front door step.
  

• Trinity & All Saints College: Incompetance personified.
  

• The Labour Party: "Education, Education, Education." = Tuition fees, top-up fees and deliberate A-Level grade fixing.

• The Highways Agency: Oh, I know, lets dig another hole in the road!
  

• Alistair Darling: Supertram, or lack of it.

• Cat owners
  

• Amber Taxi's: For leaving me waiting in the freezing cold in Headingley from 12:15am till 1:45am.

• First Buses: Apparently, they run buses in Leeds.

• First Trains: Apparently, they run trains.

• Middle Lane Drivers: Move to the left, arsehole!
  

• BMW: For making the 3-series

• Endemol: The makers of Big Brother.

• Northern Rail: Because the train didn't turn up when it should have done.

• National Rail: For telling me that the above train did turn up, even though it didn't.
  

One rule for one.......

On a lazy day off, I'd decided to head down to the local pool hall with a mate of mine. As I arrived, he'd just parked his car so I slotted in just behind him, completely minding my own business.

Anyway, I went to the front for a quick bite, when I saw the dreaded yellow sticket on the windscreen.
I ran out to the car to find I'd recieved a fine for that most heinous of crimes, 'parking on a single yellow line on a minor road between the hours of 8:30am and 6:30pm'.
Now I don't dispute the fine. As pathetic and as 'stealth tax on the motorist' as it might be, I was parked in somewhere I probably shouldn't have been and, due to a slight lapse, My mate and I are now £30 each lighter and the council has a little extra to spend at its next staff do. In fact, there were a few cars on that stretch. They've probably raked in about £150 in less than 3 minutes. Good work if you can get it.

However, to my suprise, whilst the council are all too quick to enforce these laws, they're even quicker to break them.
The very same traffic warden who was happily dishing out the tickets, also happened to be the owner of this 'ere vehicle:


Now, said parking attendant wasn't too happy at me innocently taking photographs of a vehicle that took my interests and he was even unhappier when I pointed out that I held the copyright to those photos to use them how I please, even if that was to point out Leeds City Council as the crooks that they are.
That last sentence might sound a bit harsh, and very much like a pissed off mototrist venting their anger, so it's probably worth backing that statement up further.
This employee happened to be working for the same organisation that last year painted double yellow lines UNDERNEATH a parked car, before then handing out a ticket. They've also been more than known for 'looking out for each other', with strong rumours that the Lord Mayor of Leeds had his ticket cancelled, despite parking where he shouldn't have.

He then sheepishly pointed to a sticker that he claimed gave him 'special dispensation' to blatently flout the regulations of the Road Traffic Act. On what grounds he 'earnt' that special dispensation I don't know, or on what grounds he was using it, but never mind.

So, Leeds City Council don't want to stick to the laws of the land, but they'll come down on you like a ton of bricks if you copied their example. Seems fair enough so I've just got one more parting guesture for those hypocrytics at LCC.....

Are Delivery Drivers Psychic?

The other day I was stuck inside for god knows how long whilst waiting for those clowns at DHL to deliver a new mobile phone.
You know the drill, you get an e-mail saying that you're package will be delivered on Tuesday, between the hours of 8:30pm and 6:00pm, meaning that you have to be up by 8:30 and wait until 6:00pm in the vain hope that a bright yellow van will pull up outside your front door.
The thing is, you HAVE to stay in the house because if you go out, even for just 2 minutes, you'll return to find a card on your doormat with the words "You wern't in when we called."

How the hell do they do it? Every single time! Yet when you stay in, it's only until 5:59pm that you get a knock at the front door.
Someone needs to look into this. I think that there's much more to DHL drivers than meets the eye.

Proper Football still exists!

As you’ve probably gathered, I’m a big Rugby fan. It’s the best sport in the world and I absolutely love it.

I’ve always been a fan but also, in my misguided youth, I used to be a keen follower of football and, in particular the English Premiership.

I’m now not much older and not much wiser, but I just don’t watch the Premiership anymore and on Tuesday night, I remembered why. OK, part of it was because Leeds United when tit’s up, but an even bigger part of it was because has just become crap.

Tuesday saw the Unibond League Cup Final in which local boys Farsley Celtic took on Stocksbridge Park Steels.
Me and a mate through we’d go along to see what all the fuss was about and it made for a good excuse to get a few drinks in.

So, we meet up at six, walk into Farsley and make for our first port of call, the Fleece. A swift one in there and it’s onto the ground. And then, the first reason why I don’t go to pro football games anymore was right there infront of me, the price. Getting into the ground set us back £7:00, as opposed to your typical Premiership game, which can easily cost £30 more than that. The other bonus was that you could pay cash on the turnstile, none of this mucking about with namby-pamby pre-purchased RFID smart cards. Just hand other your cash, and get a get a cheery thanks from the bloke behind the counter, who was obviously happy that he’d been filmed by the local news crew who were wandering around.

So anyway, we get through the turnstile and head for a pint in the clubhouse, which again, is something that you couldn’t do at Old Trafford or Elland Road. Instead of having a decent, fairly priced pint in friendly surroundings is something is but a distant dream at pro games but here, it was the norm – even to us ‘bandwagon jumpers’ who were just there for the final.

We leave the clubhouse just as the teams walk out, grab a burger from the van parked outside tha main stand and take our place on the terrace – yes terrace (none of this sitting down rubbish for us) - and the game gets underway.

It was a decent game aswell with two proper teams. None of these prima-donna foreign superstars who are more bothered about their hair-do. Just honest working blokes who aren’t frightened to get a good kicking and a centre half built like a heavyweight boxer. We even got a good laugh from the PA announcer when a sub came on. Evidently the team sheet he'd been given wasn't the best so he basically had to announce "coming on, number 12............................ some player!"

The whole game was a refreshing change from that shite I’m currently paying Sky £30 a month for. There was none of the predictability, none of the cheating, none of the diving or none of the whinging that is blighting our ‘flagship’ league, nor was there any of the police or segregation that you get in the pro ranks, just proper football.

After Farsley had won the match, the fans were invited onto the ‘hallowed turf’ for the presentation. After that was done, it was back to the clubhouse for re-fuelling, where we stayed till about 11:30 before heading back home.

All in all, a good night out, we’d not spent much and we’d got a good game and a few drinks out of it. Why people fall sucker to the Premiership marketing machine I’ll never know, more fool them I suppose.

Yes tutor, we've spent lots of time in the pub.

Tomorrow I've got a presentation to give in my 'Sociological Apsects of Sport and Leisure' module.
Basically, it's to update the tutor on the progress of our coursework, which happens to be an observational research project into 'sport in a social setting' (or something along those lines).

After toying with a few ideas, my group have plumped for a study into the role and emergance of sports themed bars. Basically we're trying to find out who uses them and what they do.
To do that, we have to spend our time in pubs and bars - that's it!

So, tomorrow moring, I've got to stand up and say how many times in the last two weeks I've been to the pub!

Who says University students are just lazy, dossing wasters who do mickey mouse courses and spend all their time in the pub?......




Wait a minute.....

Who's the Fool?

My gaffer at work takes a fair bit of stick in this blog, and this post is no exception.

As most of you may well know, April 1st is commonly known as 'April Fools Day' and is a day where all the local idiots come out and act like even bigger twats than normal, right until 12:00 midday.
You know the sort of tricks that are pulled on this day; clingfilm on the toilet seat, sending the work experience kid for a long stand, changing all the clocks in the office, fake coffee spills, that sort of thing. Even the media get in on the fun, with those not very hilarious fake stories designed to trick the stupid, ignorant and Sun reader into thinking that the world is about to collapse or that global supplies of paper clips are at an all time low.

So anyway, my boss. In his constant efforts to try and "get down with the homies" and "connect with the yoof", he tries his own April Fools joke. I can't remember exactly what it was, but it involved going home early. Needless to say, we were three steps ahead of him and his outragiously unfunny jape fell flat on it's arse.
But rather than just get on with it, I was now public enemy No1 for my part in foiling his devious plan to make himself look clever. He then needed reminding that trying to pull such a prank on that very day, completly destroys the little credibility he already has.

So anyway, that's me in the bad books for another few weeks (untill my sales figures come through and he starts being nice to me again), heres to another 364 days (well, 362 seeing as I was late writing this) of just normal idiocy, rather than the special kind we get on the first day of April.