Trains are Useless.

I have come to the conclusion that trains are absolutely useless. I always thought it, but now it has been confirmed.





On Friday night Leeds had a game in Wakefield. Recently we've taken to using public transport to get us to the 'local' games and this week was no exception. It means that we can leave the car at home, have a few drinks and do our bit for the environment. Alistar Darling (or whoever does his job now) would be pleased to hear that, although after Friday night's debacle, Mr Transport secretary can stick the Britains entire rolling stock up an orrifice of his choosing.

After the game finished at Belle Vue, we headed to Wakefield Kirkgate Station for the train back to Leeds.
We'd just missed one that went around 10:05pm. OK, can't be helped, we stayed around after the game but even if we left straight away, we'd still be pushing it.
The next one was at 10:52, so we waited, and waited, and waited.
It got to 10:55, no train. It got to 11:15, no train.

Tired and irritated, I decided to give National Rail a ring to ask them where the hell my train was.
The conversation ended up something like this:

Operator: "Hello, thank-you for calling National Rail. How can I help you?"
Me: Hi, can you tell me when the next train from Wakefield Kirkgate to Leeds will arrive please?"
Operator: "It has gone sir, you have missed it"
Me: "No I haven't"
Operator: "I don't understand sir?"
Me: "I've been stood here since 10 past 10 and so have around 10 other people. The train hasn't arrived."
Operator: "Oh, let me see if there is a delay"
.......long pause........
Operator: "There is a signal problem between Leeds and Huddersfield"
Me: "But I'm nowhere near Huddersfield"
Operater: "Oh"
........long pause........
Operator: "Let me talk to a collegue"

Supervisor: "Hi sir, my name is Andy and I'm a senior supervisor at National Rail. I understand that you are trying to get from Wakefield Kirkgate to Leeds"
Me: "Yes, that's right"
Supervisor: "Right sir, what I'll need to do is take your details and contact the train operator to check if the train actually did stop there"

I hand him my details and hang up.

Ten minutes pass, still no train, but Andy to his credit does return my call.

Supervisor: "Hi Mr Hewitt, I have spoken to the National Rail communication centre and they say that the train did stop and leave Wakefield Kirkgate on time, so the best way for you to get to Leeds now is get the 23:40 service from Wakefield Westgate"
Me: "I'm confussed"
Supervisor: "Why is that?"
Me: "Well if the train had stopped, me and 10 other people would be back in Leeds right now and you and I would have never spoken to each other."
Supervisor: "Well sir, I am just relaying the information they gave me. I you wish to complain there is a complaints proceedure (blah blah).........but the only way that you will get to Leeds tonight is on the 22:40 service from Wakefield Westgate"
Me: "How do I get to Westgate?"
Supervisor: "What do you mean sir?"
Me: "I don't know where Westgate is."
Supervisor: "Oh,. it's about 10 minutes by train from Wakefield Kirkgate"
Me: "Is there a train to Westgate?"
Supervisor: "errr, No"

At that point the conversation ended and we followed the road signs for Westgate.
As we were just about to head into the city centre, a rumbling came from the bridge above us. We raced back to the station only to find a train and a perplexed driver asking "Where have you been?"
"Walking to fucking Westgate!"
"Why" is the conductors relpy.
"Because National Rail told us to"
"Oh, they're a bunch of idiots them".

And the reason for the lateness? "There was some manic at Sheffield on the roof with a gun!" exclaims said conductor.

At points like that you can tell the regular rail travellers. While the conductors give you the stories and excuses that Quinten Tarrantino would dismiss as unrealistic, they don't bat an eyelid. Almost as like they've heard it all before.

We finally arrive in Leeds, 3 hours after the game ended in a city that is less then a 20 minute drive from Leeds.

I hearby proclaim that Northern Trains and National Rail are complete wankers and as punishment, they will be added to my Bastards List.
As further punishment to Mr Transport secretary, I shall be using my car as much as humanly possible. Sure, the West Vietnamese Gumbo Tree may die out, but at least I'll get where I want to be.