No so bright now eh?

The smoking ban has been in for a while now and what a fantastic piece of legislation it has proved to be.











Pubs are smoke free, the air is healthier, my clothes don't stink and drinking establishments are, generally, much more pleasant places to spend time. It also seems that, contrary to what the pro-smoking alliance kept telling us, the pub industry isn't dying - apart from those that were probably on the Grim Reaper's list long before July 1st 2007.

But the smokers still aren't happy. After all, why shouldn't they be allowed to expel hazardous fumes upon people who would rather not breathe them in? Why should they have to go outside in the open air in order to take their pathetic dose of precious, precious nicotine?

Well one Yorkshire publican seemed to disagree with the latest legislation, openly allowing his clientèle to smoke within the four walls of his premises, a fact he admitted live on the BBC Yorkshire regional news.

His argument is that people have a human right to smoke inside a public house.

If said landlord genuinely believes that the "right" to smoke is included in human rights legislation, perhaps he should consider actually reading up on the contents of the European Constitution on Human Rights. Whilst he's at it, he can download a map to the nearest Magistrates.

If you are going to argue a point, at least know what you are talking about.

Stupid people can be funny sometimes, but it's even funnier when stupid people think they are clever.






This evening I had the pleasure of enduring one such idiot, who seemed to think that he could lecture me on the European Convention of Human Rights.

Having studied the said convention as part of my Media Law & Regulation assignments, so I like to think I know the basics at least. Anyway, those of you from far-off lands and America will have no idea of what human rights are, so let me explain.

It's basically eighteen 'articles' which include:

• The right to life.
  
• Freedom from torture, inhuman and degrading treatment.
• Freedom from forced labour or slavery.
• The right to Liberty and to a Fair trial.
• Freedom from facing retrospective crimes or penalties.
• A Right to Privacy.
• Freedom of conscience.
• Freedom of expression.
• Freedom of assembly.
• The right to marriage and family.
• Freedom from discrimination.

Now this particular baffoon was intent on convincing me that by refusing to allow him to use our private toilet facilities, I was "infringing his human rights".
Initially I couldn't be bothered arguing with him. I'm a firm believer in the phrase "Never argue with an idiot, he'll only drag you down to his level, then beat you with experience." At that point I was prepared to ignore him and dismiss him as one of these stuck-up pillocks who feels he has a right to talk to retail staff through his nose, but he kept pushing me for an answer, so I gave him it:

"Well no to be honest sir, I don't agree with you. I cannot see how me refusing to allow you to use our private toilet facilites on the grounds that it presents a security risk infringes one of the eighteen articles of the European Convention on Human Rights, unless perhaps if you could convince a judge that urination as an act of expression."

At that he seemed quite taken aback that what he must have seen in his eyes as a "shop-serving minimum wage monkey" knew so much more than him about one of the most complex and controversial legal statutes in history.
Anyway he retired, tail firmly between his legs.

Only not quite, he then returned a few minutes later to shout across the store, "I've just gone against your wall, how do you like that?!"

Nice to see that I am still part of a civilised society. Perhaps he'd be quite dissapointed to know that every evening he's out-done by the tramp who shits in our skip.